What have I done to him?
Why does he hate me so much?
Those were the words of Gladys when she came for relationship coaching.
Gladys and her boyfriend had been together since college; he chased her around campus when he wanted to date her.
Initially, she told him she didn’t want a relationship; he was persistent and always around her for four years until she decided to give it a shot.
But now she doesn’t understand why he melts out so much hatred towards her.
From verbal to emotional abuse, her boyfriend always looks for a way to make her miserable.
This article is for you if you are in a relationship where it seems your boyfriend hates you.
But first, why is he acting that way? Let’s find out.
My Boyfriend Hates Me: Why He Acts That Way
1. You Did Or Said Something That Hurt Him
If you’ve insulted your boyfriend or cheated on him before, it could be why he’s melting out so much hatred towards you.
Men hardly forgive cheating or disrespect; they can resent and maltreat you because of it.
Most women hardly take note of their words in a conversation and can say anything, especially when angry.
Gladys didn’t know she had done something that made her boyfriend start treating her that way.
She thought the guy was wicked and mean, but when she came for coaching,
I taught her about the hero’s journey technique which you would learn later.
She applied it and was amazed at what she discovered; her boyfriend had bottled up what she did that hurt him, and he now resents her for it.
The boyfriend said she insulted him and called him a foolish guy in front of his family.
He told Gladys what she said hurt him, so he started treating her poorly.
Gladys was stunned; she couldn’t believe her boyfriend had kept all that in his heart.
Men process information differently compared to women.
Women hardly mean what they say; they can say anything in anger, but men often take things very seriously.
2. You Didn’t Tell Him Certain Things About Your Past
Maybe you hid some things about your history that he found out.
Before you commit to a serious relationship with a guy, tell him about your past; if he accepts you, great. If he doesn’t, he can go.
Don’t try to hide things about your past that he might find out later and start maltreating you because he’s angry.
Many relationships hit the rocks because a guy or girl discovered something about their partner’s past.
Whether it’s your past relationship or your past life, let your boyfriend know so he will be aware of what he’s getting into and decide if he wants to be with you.
Recently I counselled a lady who hid her past relationship with a married man from her boyfriend.
She told him about her other past relationships but couldn’t tell him about the married man because she was scared.
But somehow, he got to find out, and from there, he started maltreating her.
3. He’s Dating Someone Else
You cannot be dating two ladies and not maltreat one because you can’t love them equally.
Most people who claim they are in love with more than one person don’t know what love is. Many people confuse infatuation with love.
If your boyfriend is dating someone else, he would give you less attention and often behave in a way that makes you feel he hates you.
He could yell at you or blame you for everything.
A man will hardly maltreat you if he doesn’t have another woman in the picture.
If he has another woman, you would be starved of attention and emotionally abused.
4. He Grew Up In The Wrong Environment
Guys who grew up with toxic parents or siblings would likely exhibit traits of hatred and can easily pass that hatred to you.
Some guys hate women because their mom was abusive or abandoned them.
If your boyfriend had a toxic mom, it could be why he’s maltreating you.
His experience with women could also be the cause of his attitude.
If ladies have hurt him or his ex cheated on him, that can bring hate to his heart towards women.
My Boyfriend Hates Me: How To Handle The Situation
5. Apply The Hero’s Journey Psychology
The hero’s journey is a storytelling technique that makes a person the hero of the story, in this case, your boyfriend.
It’s a psychological way of telling a story that would invoke a desire for him to respond and reveal things he has kept in his heart.
The hero’s journey is a story of a hero who set out on a journey and, despite the challenges, came back transformed, which is what you want for your boyfriend.
How do you apply it?
Sit with him when he’s in a good mood and start telling him how you met each other.
The goal is to take him down memory lane and remind him how sweet everything was when it started.
If you can remember anything that can make you both laugh, bring it up to stir laughter.
Then appreciate him for all of his efforts and sacrifices for the relationship.
Remind him how you both used to be a great couple, but now, he treats you in a way that hurts.
You can say something like:
“You’re such a fantastic guy; you are the dream man of most women
I remember how we met at the supermarket and how I didn’t want to give you my number
But you are one determined guy, which attracted me to you.
I want to thank you for your sacrifices for this relationship
But recently, I don’t know what went wrong or how we got here, but things are not how they used to be.
I wish I knew what to do to make it better.”
After saying the words above, please don’t say anything; be quiet and look straight into his eyes; you will likely get a response from him.
Talk To Those Close To Him
Another strategy you can use is to talk to those close to him.
It depends on who you have a good rapport with among his friends or family members.
Let the person know the situation of the relationship and how your boyfriend maltreats you.
If you are close to his mom, let her know her son’s attitude towards you.
If he doesn’t listen to those who are close to him and still keeps maltreating you even though you have communicated your feelings to him
Then consider the next point.
Quit If He Doesn’t Change
You can’t continue to be in a relationship with a guy who maltreats you and has no respect for you.
There’s always a guy that would value and appreciate you; that’s why you shouldn’t keep loving a guy that hates you.
If he admits you hurt him, you should apologize for your actions, but quit if he refuses to forgive you.
No relationship would work without forgiveness.
You should leave and take some time to heal from the toxic relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
How Do You Tell If Your Boyfriend Hates You?
The signs your boyfriend hates you are listed below:
1. He gets mad at you at the slightest provocation
2. He tries to avoid you and only comes to you when he’s in need
3. He doesn’t put in any effort to sustain the relationship
4. He spends little or no time with you
5. He cheats on you with other women
6. He speaks harshly and rudely to you
7. He regularly threatens to dump you
Why Does My Boyfriend Hate Me So Much?
There are a few reasons why that could be happening; some of them are listed below:
1. He’s under pressure and taking it out on you.
2. You said or did something that hurt him, and he’s now resenting you
3. He’s dating someone else
4. He thinks he’s not a priority to you
5. He grew up in the wrong environment
6. He’s looking for an excuse to dump you
7. He found out certain things about your past you didn’t tell him
How Do You Get Your Boyfriend To Like You Again?
Tell him how you feel: if your boyfriend who used to love you now suddenly hates you, then it’s vital you communicate your feelings with him.
Maybe he doesn’t mean it that way, or you are the one misinterpreting his actions.
It’s also possible he’s under financial or work-related pressure and taking it out on you.
Communicate with him and make him aware his recent actions have hurt you.
Give him some space: if he doesn’t change his attitude, you should give him space to miss and appreciate you.
If you were always available to meet with him, then limit it.
It would make him appreciate everything you’ve done to make the relationship work.
Absence, they say, makes the heart go fonder.
Take him on an adventure: a boring relationship can quickly become a burden.
If your relationship has a specific routine, it can bore him out.
Boredom in a relationship most times destroys it and can easily tempt him to be with a more exciting woman.
Take him out, spoil him a little, and give him a mini vacation with games and fun.