“My boyfriend has low self-esteem” if you are in such a situation this article is for you.
You are dating a guy who is always feeling terrible about himself.
No matter how much you cheer him up, he has something negative to say about himself.
Even when you try to encourage him and say things that would lift his spirit,
It only lasts for a few minutes, and he’s back to feeling sorry about himself.
He acts like the whole world is against him and could also try to set you against those around him.
You might even try to assure him of your love and loyalty to the relationship, but he doesn’t believe you.
It often gets to a point where you get tired of everything.
And it seems the relationship is now sapping all your energy, and you don’t know what to do anymore.
You are not the only one in such a situation; many women are in a relationship with a guy with low self-esteem.
My Boyfriend Has Low Self-Esteem: Why He Acts That Way
1. He Grew Up With Abusive Or Without Parents
I have discovered that most people who suffer from low self-esteem are those who were abused by their parents or whose parents were never available.
Such people often learn about life from negative sources like their friends, which might teach them the wrong things.
Most people with self-esteem issues want everybody to like them and give them their attention.
They often have a kind of deep hole that needs to be filled with attention, and because of that, they are often needy or clingy.
People with low self-esteem often want to act strong before others and might treat you badly because they don’t want to appear weak.
If you notice your boyfriend treats you like he hates you, it might not be because he truly hates you but because he hates himself.
Most of our self-identity comes from our childhood experiences.
Finding out about your boyfriend’s childhood experiences is crucial information most ladies ignore, but you shouldn’t.
If he grew up with abusive parents or without his parents, there’s a high chance he would have low self-esteem.
2. Poor Academic Performance
Most of our schools are like a competition hub; the school environment makes you compete automatically.
In school, you see your classmates being referred to as smart and intelligent because of their grades,
And if you can’t measure up, you start to feel inferior.
Most teachers don’t even help matters because they prefer those doing well academically while making others feel bad about themselves.
Your boyfriend might have developed low self-esteem in high school or college because of his academic performance.
If your boyfriend struggled in school, that would be why he has low self-esteem.
3. Past Relationship Experience
If his romantic relationships have been failing consistently, then he might believe there’s something wrong with him.
He might think he’s broke or not handsome enough; that’s why the ladies left him.
Such thoughts would make him insecure, and when you come along,
It can make him controlling and possessive just because he doesn’t want to lose you.
If your boyfriend has been in many relationships that didn’t work or were cheated on before, it might affect his self-esteem.
His belief that he doesn’t have certain physical attributes such as height or money can make him believe he’s not enough.
Most of the time, low self-esteem comes from feeling inadequate or not being up to standard.
He could get angry if you get to hang out with guys, especially guys that seem more successful than him.
4. He Has Financial Challenges
If your boyfriend is broke, that may cause his low self-esteem.
Once upon a time, I was like that because I was broke.
Whenever things didn’t go the way I wanted, I always felt it was because I was broke.
When my ex cheated on me, I told myself it was because I was broke
Maybe your boyfriend is in debt, or his income is very little, and he’s feeling terrible about himself.
His financial situation can make him believe he’s not good enough for you, making him act weird toward you.
5. Poor Job Performance
He may be doing poorly at his job, and his colleagues are making a mockery of him.
His poor job performance can make him hide from his colleagues at work.
If your boyfriend often complains about his job performance or doesn’t like going to work, it could be because the job gives him low self-esteem.
Most companies make the workplace a competition hub, and if you are not doing well, you are made to feel inferior.
6. He Was A Victim Of Bullying
Another reason he could have low self-esteem could be because he was bullied in the past.
Many years ago, I was bullied by a group of girls in my environment.
I wasn’t always well dressed, and the girls would mock me whenever I was passing by.
It was a terrible experience.
Maybe he was bullied in his neighborhood, and he carried that incident to adulthood.
If your boyfriend has complained he was bullied at any point in his life, it might be why he has low self-esteem.
My Boyfriend Has Low Self-Esteem: How To Handle The Situation
7. Don’t Blame Yourself For It
Most guys with low self-esteem have a way of making you feel bad on their behalf.
Please don’t take the blame for his self-esteem issues.
Always remember you are not the cause of his low self-esteem, and you shouldn’t take responsibility for his weakness.
Try not to take the blame for his actions due to low self-esteem.
Some guys can say something like, “I get so jealous when I see you with your male friends. Can you cut them off?”
The above statement hints at what a guy with low self-esteem can say. You can see he’s trying to blame you for his insecurity.
8. Don’t Take Advantage Of Him
So many ladies use their boyfriend’s weakness as an excuse to get whatever they want.
They can threaten him with a breakup if he doesn’t comply, all because he has low self-esteem.
You shouldn’t be one of such ladies.
It’s tempting not to take advantage of him if he has low self-esteem, but you should help rather than take advantage of him.
9. Tell Him About Your Observations
Most people who have low self-esteem don’t know they have it.
You should sit down with him and talk about your observations.
Low self-esteem is a very sensitive issue that can make your boyfriend angry; you must be careful when bringing it up.
Your boyfriend might not agree he has low self-esteem.
Give him instances where you felt his actions resulted from low self-esteem.
He needs to accept he has low self-esteem; otherwise, you won’t be able to help him.
10. Encourage Him With Words
A guy with low self-esteem often needs encouraging words to lift his self-worth.
Try and keep giving him encouraging words and emotional support anytime he needs it.
Let him know you are there for him and not planning to leave.
Such words would help him feel secure and boost his confidence in you and the relationship.
Compliment him often and support him even when he’s feeling bad about himself.
11. Seek Professional Help
It won’t be easy to handle low self-esteem without professional help.
You have to encourage your boyfriend to sign up for therapy.
The cause of his low self-esteem might be something he hasn’t spoken about before, but with a certified therapist, he might share the root cause of it.
A therapist can guide him to overcome his self-esteem issues.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do Guys With Low Self-Esteem Cheat?
Most guys with low self-esteem cheat to prove their self-worth.
In other words, they cheat because they have low self-esteem.
They see cheating as a way to boost their ego and prove that other women are crazy about them.
Most guys who cheat have low self-esteem; they want to prove a point that they are hot.
Such guys get excited when girls crave their attention.
What Do You Do When Your Boyfriend Has Low Self-Esteem?
Here are a few things you can do, and they are listed below:
Compliment him consistently
Focus on his positive traits
Try not to take advantage of him
Tell him you value and adore him
Please don’t take the blame for his self-esteem issues
Plan the future together
Be patient with him.
How Do You Boost A Man With Low Self-Esteem
Get him to sign-up for therapy
Shower him with encouraging words
Spend quality time with him
Be his No. 1 fan
What Causes Low Self-Esteem In A Man?
Abusive childhood
Poor academic performance
Poor job performance
Mental health issues
Financial crisis
Joseph Moore
Joseph Moore is a dynamic relationship coach and motivational speaker, Who has been speaking on relationship and leadership for some years with a commitment to ensure people get it right. Joseph is CEO at viral digital marketing, a digital marketing agency dedicated to startups and small business.