It hurts when you’re in a relationship with a guy that doesn’t appreciate you.
Even if you go the extra mile to make him happy, he doesn’t seem to value it.
He trivializes your sacrifices, which can really hurt you.
Everyone wants to be appreciated for their efforts, and if your boyfriend isn’t doing that, it will make you start resenting him.
In this article, I will share the possible reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t appreciate you and how to handle the situation.
If you’re ready, let’s dive in
My Boyfriend Doesn’t Appreciate Me: Why He Acts That Way
1. Difference In Love Languages
Your boyfriend may not understand your definition of appreciation due to differences in love languages.
Maybe you’ve done a lot for him, and he keeps saying, “Thank you,” but to you, appreciation means something more than “thank you.”
Your disappointment with the way he expressed appreciation might be why you’re feeling this way.
Love language refers to the way you express and receive love from your partner; it’s a term introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman.
According to him, there are five love languages which are:
Words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving of gifts, physical touch, quality time
If you’re someone whose love language is receiving gifts, you would want your boyfriend to give you gifts as a way of showing appreciation,
But his love language might be quality time; hence, he wants to spend time with you as a way of appreciation.
We show love to our partner based on our love language, not theirs, which often causes a lot of problems.
The challenge you might be having with your boyfriend is that what you’re expecting is different from what he’s doing.
2. Family Upbringing
Your boyfriend might come from a family that doesn’t see anything special about appreciation.
Maybe he never saw his dad appreciate his mom, and she was okay with it; hence, he grew up that way.
Most times, we’re a reflection of what our parents taught us.
If he grew up in an abusive environment where his parents fought daily and never had time to appreciate each other, it might be why he doesn’t see the need to appreciate you.
3. He’s Complacent
Complacency often occurs in long-term relationships.
If you’ve been dating your boyfriend for a long time, it might be the reason why he doesn’t appreciate you anymore.
In Fact, he might even start taking your kind gestures for granted.
Complacency can make your relationship one-sided, where you’re the only one putting the effort to make it work.
4. He Has An Entitlement Mentality
Some guys feel they deserve everything you do for them.
They act like it’s their right for you to do anything for them because you’re in a relationship.
Such guys would hardly want to appreciate you and would often take you for granted.
He can bark orders at you even when you Try your best to make him happy.
Your boyfriend might think appreciation will make you proud and disrespectful.
Some ladies become arrogant when their boyfriends appreciate them too much.
He might be scared that appreciating you will get into your head, which could unsettle the relationship.
Guys with low self-esteem are often scared of appreciating their girlfriends because it makes them appear vulnerable.
What Should I Do If My Boyfriend Doesn’t Appreciate Me?
6. Reflect On Your Expectations
You have to reflect on your definition of appreciation.
He might already be appreciating you in the way he knows best.
Which might not be what you want; that’s why you have to communicate how you want to be appreciated.
Maybe you want more than “thank you,” or you’re expecting him to appreciate you in a special way.
Men often don’t know what to do until you communicate your desires to them.
7. Have An Honest Conversation
After you’ve outlined how you want to be appreciated, it’s time to tell your boyfriend about it.
He might not even be aware of your feelings; hence, you have to tell him about it.
Tell him how you want to be appreciated.
Try not to accuse him of being ungrateful; it might make him defensive. Instead, share your feelings with him.
8. Set Clear Expectations
You have to set clear expectations going forward with your boyfriend.
Most men would do better if you discussed your concerns with them.
You might be expecting him to know you feel unappreciated, but to him, everything is fine.
Most women want a man who can read their minds; only a magician can do that.
If you’re not feeling appreciated by your man, then you should clearly communicate your desires.
9. Be Patient
Telling your boyfriend what you want won’t automatically transform him overnight.
You have to be patient and give him time to adjust.
He might not be a romantic guy, which will naturally make it difficult for him to appreciate you the way you want.
With time, he will get better at appreciating your sacrifices for the relationship. He might even go beyond your expectations.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why Doesn’t My Boyfriend Appreciate Me For Everything I Do For Him?
The following might be the reason why your boyfriend doesn’t appreciate you despite your sacrifices:
He’s ungrateful: your boyfriend might be someone who is naturally ungrateful and doesn’t see anything special in what others do for him, including you.
He might be someone who loves to trivialize the efforts of others
He doesn’t value you: when a guy doesn’t value you, he might not appreciate anything you do for him.
Maybe he doesn’t have the same emotional feelings you have for him; hence no need to compliment your efforts.
He has someone else: if your boyfriend is dating someone else and loves the person more, then nothing you do is ever enough.
He won’t appreciate your efforts because you’re not his preferred choice.
How Do You Know If A Guy Doesn’t Value You?
The traits listed below are signs your boyfriend doesn’t value you:
He treats you like trash
He doesn’t respect you
He doesn’t care if he loses you
He compares you to his ex
He doesn’t support your dreams
He prioritizes others before you
He embarrasses you in front of others
How Do I Make My Boyfriend Appreciate Me More?
Tell him what you want: if you want your boyfriend to appreciate you more, then you have to tell him how you want to be appreciated.
Maybe he doesn’t know what exactly he needs to do. Sharing how you feel will help him understand your expectations.
Get him the right gift: sometimes, getting him the gift he has always wanted can make him appreciate you more.
If there’s a gadget he has always wanted, you can get it for him. Such acts of kindness can make a difference.
Go the extra mile for him: making sacrifices for him can make him appreciate you more. If you do for him what others are unwilling to do, it will naturally make him appreciate you because you’re unique.