My boyfriend wasn’t there for me when I needed him, if you are in such a situation this article is for you.
It was a warm afternoon when I received a call from my ex-girlfriend.
She was ill and wanted me to come over, but there was a challenge; she lived in another city from mine.
Secondly, I was already at work, and there was no way I could leave.
I tried my best to explain to her the reason why I won’t be able to make it. I was heartbroken that I couldn’t be with her when she needed me.
I sincerely didn’t mean to disappoint her, but it was beyond my control.
Although I wasn’t with her physically, I kept calling her to ensure she was okay; obviously, that didn’t mean much to her.
A day later, she was okay. I was happy, but she wasn’t happy with me.
That was the beginning of our relationship problem until one day; I caught her cheating with a guy she claimed visited her when she was sick.
Your case might differ from my ex-girlfriend’s, but what’s important is that you are unhappy that your boyfriend wasn’t there for you when you needed him.
I know you are already resenting him. Of course, you should be disappointed that he didn’t show up when you needed him.
In this article, I will discuss the possible reasons why your boyfriend wasn’t there for you,
And what you can do to salvage the situation before it destroys your relationship.
My Boyfriend Wasn’t There For Me When I Needed Him: Why He Disappointed You?
1. He Thought The Situation Wasn’t Severe
Just like I thought with my ex-girlfriend,
Maybe he thought the issue wasn’t severe and didn’t need his attention.
Men usually take issues trivially and will only take action once it gets serious in their eyes.
You might have told him you are broke, and he would laugh it off without doing anything about it.
Or you could be ill, and he won’t try to care for you.
He might have felt you were being dramatic, and the issue was not as serious as you were trying to portray it to be.
2. He Was Busy With Work Or Other Commitments
Maybe you called your boyfriend to come over because it was urgent, but he didn’t. He may have been at work or was busy with something urgent too.
Let’s say your mom or dad was ill, but he didn’t show up to support you emotionally because he might have had his issue he’s dealing with.
Sometimes we have to hear people out before we conclude on their behaviour.
I am not trying to support your boyfriend for not being there for you, but he could be having pressure at work or battling anxiety and depression within himself.
3. He Didn’t Know How To Provide The Support You Need
For instance, if you lose your job, your boyfriend might not know how to provide the emotional support you need.
He might have tried cuddling and encouraging you, but if that didn’t work, he might not have known what else to do; hence he left you alone.
Your boyfriend is not a magician. He could only have known how best to provide support in your time of need if he was told how to do it.
Most men don’t get emotional support from their parents, making it difficult for them to provide support when they start a relationship.
Maybe he didn’t know what to do to make you feel better.
4. He Wasn’t Emotionally Ready To Handle The Situation
Someone who has experienced certain things might not be emotionally ready to support someone going through it.
For instance, someone who has never been fired from a job might not be emotionally ready to support someone who just got fired.
Maybe your boyfriend wasn’t there for you because he wasn’t emotionally ready to handle the situation. After all, he might not have experienced it.
Maybe he hadn’t been in your situation before hence being there for you was difficult.
5. He Thought You Wanted To Handle It On Your Own
Maybe he thought you wanted to handle it on your own.
If you’ve always been an independent woman, it might be why he felt you could handle it on your own.
Possibly you didn’t tell him you needed his help, or you thought he should have known.
Maybe you didn’t communicate your expectation which made him feel you could handle it alone.
6. He Was Afraid Of Saying Or Doing The Wrong Thing.
I have a friend who was angry with her boyfriend for being emotionally absent when she lost her dad.
She felt the guy was insensitive and didn’t love her because he felt unconcerned with her emotional pain.
But it turns out the guy had not lost any of his parents before, so he was afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing that would hurt her.
To him, he didn’t know if his words would encourage or make her sad or if she would call him insensitive if he tried to take her out to ease her pain.
He didn’t know what to do. Hence he did nothing.
Maybe your boyfriend was afraid of saying or doing something wrong that would make things worse; hence he did nothing.
My Boyfriend Wasn’t There For Me When I Needed Him: How To Handle The Situation.
7. Communication Your Disappointment
Try to communicate with him that he was not there when you needed him.
Keeping such things in your heart can make you resent him with time which can destroy the relationship in the long run.
Be honest and tell him how his disappointment made you feel and the emotions it has triggered.
Maybe he didn’t know he hurt you by not showing up when you needed him.
Listen to his response after you’ve told him what’s on your mind.
If he dismisses what you told him and acts like your feelings are unimportant, that’s a sign he doesn’t love you.
If he cared about you, he would be deeply sorry and apologize for his mistakes.
8. Forgive Him
the important part of letting go of this issue is forgiveness.
I know it’s difficult, especially when you were counting on him, but he disappointed you.
But forgiveness is still the way to go if you want to move forward in the relationship and not be held back by resentment.
Forgive him for not being there for you, and give him another chance to make it up to you.
No relationship would survive in the long term without forgiveness.
Frequently Asked Questions
What To Do When Your Boyfriend Makes You Feel Unimportant?
If you have a boyfriend that makes you feel unimportant, you should do the following:
Talk to him about it: it’s easy to assume his actions are deliberate, that he wants to make you feel you don’t mean anything to him, but in reality, he might not realize his actions hurt you.
Discuss it with him and be specific about the things he does that make you feel unimportant. If it’s not deliberate, then he would make the needed changes.
Quit the relationship: if he still doesn’t make changes, he’s deliberately trying to make you feel unimportant, possibly because he feels you don’t have much to offer.
In such a situation, the best thing is to end the relationship and find a guy who values you.
How Do You Know When Your Boyfriend Has Given Up On You?
He doesn’t care about you anymore
He doesn’t bother to correct you if you are wrong
He gives you the silent treatment
He starts flirting with other girls
He’s not scared of losing you
My Boyfriend Isn’t There For Me When I Need Him, But I’m Always There. What Do I Do?
If you are always there for him, but he doesn’t do the same for you, there are a few things you can do, and they are listed below:
Talk to him about it without sugarcoating it
Give him time to make adjustments
Appreciate his little efforts
Quit the relationship if he doesn’t change