my boyfriend says i don't understand him

My Boyfriend Says I Don’t Understand Him: 5 Odd Reasons

It’s frustrating when your boyfriend says you don’t understand him.

And the worst part is that he doesn’t tell you what to do about it.

You might ask him, “How do I understand you, or what do you mean by it?” and he won’t say anything.

His lack of information could leave you confused, and you don’t know how to understand him.

You can hardly make changes if your boyfriend doesn’t explain why he feels you don’t understand him.

Thankfully, that’s why I am here.

In this article, I will share the possible reasons why your boyfriend says you don’t understand him and what you can do about it.

If you’re ready, let’s dive in.

My Boyfriend Says I Don’t Understand Him: Why He Feels That Way

1. Difference In Perspective

What to do when you don't understand your boyfriend

Your boyfriend might have a different perspective about life and what it means to be understood, which differs from yours.

He might want you to respond in a certain way whenever he complains.

Not getting the expected reaction might be why he thinks you don’t understand him.

For instance, he might have complained about his job for a while, and you keep telling him to hang in there.

He might feel you don’t understand him by telling him to keep working in a place that makes him miserable.

On the other hand, you might feel it doesn’t make sense for him to quit a job when he has no alternative.

Differences in perspective often cause tension in a relationship.

2. Unresolved Issues

If there’s an unresolved issue between you and him, it might be why he thinks you don’t understand him.

Let me share a common example of unresolved issues that make a guy feel you don’t understand him.

Some years ago, I visited my ex-girlfriend at her apartment. We heard a knock on the door a few hours after I arrived. I went to open and behold, it was a guy.

My girlfriend came to do the introduction, and I learned the guy was her friend she often talked about.

I noticed he was unhappy immediately after he saw me.

When he left, I told my ex that the guy had feelings for her; I’m a guy, and I know when another guy has romantic feelings for a woman.

She didn’t understand me. She said the guy was just a friend and he had no romantic feelings for her.

The issue was unresolved, and I decided not to discuss it further.

Before she could realize it was already too late. She had unconsciously fallen in love with him.

I found out, and that was the end of our relationship.

Your boyfriend might warn you about something you feel doesn’t make sense.

He might be telling you to be careful of your male friends, or you beware of your colleagues at work, but you think otherwise.

3. Lack Of Communication

Your boyfriend might believe you don’t understand him if there’s a lack of communication.

Maybe you don’t allow him to say what’s on his mind, or you shut him down whenever he tries to communicate his feelings.

When a man feels he’s not heard, then he would assume you don’t understand him.

He could even start resenting you because you won’t hear him out.

Sometimes, a man doesn’t need encouragement; he needs someone to listen to him.

If your boyfriend can’t communicate without feeling judged or criticized, it might be why he feels you don’t understand him.

4. Fear Of Vulnerability

Sharing deep feelings and thoughts requires vulnerability.

If your boyfriend hesitates to be vulnerable, he might feel you don’t understand him because he’s not fully expressing himself.

Some guys would not want to share the complete information that would make you understand because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable.

You might ask him what’s wrong and he would say you won’t understand.

Most men have an ego that makes it difficult to share what’s happening to them.

5. Assumptions

how to understand my boyfriend

You could be assuming certain things about him that make him feel you don’t understand him.

Assuming the reasons for his mood changes can make him feel you don’t get it.

My Boyfriend Says I Don’t Understand Him: How To Handle The Situation

6. Discuss With Him

First, discuss with him and ask him why he thinks you don’t understand him.

Listen to him and try not to interrupt him when he’s talking.

Allow him to speak from his heart, and do not shut him down.

Some women don’t allow their men to fully say what’s on their mind before they start talking.

If you’re doing such, your man might feel unheard and start cheating on you with a woman who listens to him.

After he has spoken about what’s on his mind, you should acknowledge his feelings and ask him what you can do to make things better.

If he observes you care to understand him, he will also put in the effort.

7.. Avoid Defensiveness

my boyfriend thinks i don't understand him

Defensiveness is one of the major reasons a man might say you don’t understand him.

If your boyfriend starts discussing what’s making him think you don’t understand him, don’t try to be defensive and shut him down.

Instead, let him finish what he’s saying, and then you can give your opinion on the issue.

For instance, he feels uncomfortable that you have a lot of male friends, and he’s afraid something might go wrong soon.

Don’t just discard his feelings and make it seem like he doesn’t know what he’s saying.

If you act that way, he would conclude you don’t understand him.

Instead, acknowledge his feelings and tell him the steps you’ve taken to ensure your male friends don’t cross your boundaries.

That way, he would be convinced you understand him.

8. Work On Communication

You must create an Atmosphere in your relationship where you can communicate openly without criticism.

Your boyfriend needs to know that sharing his deep feelings won’t make you disrespect him.

Let him know you’re willing to support him irrespective of his situation, and his secret is safe with you.

If he’s unwilling to make you understand what’s happening, give him time to process his thoughts.

Frequently Asked Questions

What To Do When You Don’t Understand Your Boyfriend?

If you’re having a challenge understanding your boyfriend, you can do the following:

Create room for better communication: maybe you need more effective communication to understand your boyfriend.

He might want to talk, but you’re dismissive of his views, or you try to encourage him before he expresses his feelings.

Sometimes, men need you to be quiet and listen to them.

Avoid criticism: your boyfriend might not express his feelings around you because he’s afraid of criticism, especially if you’re fond of criticizing him.

He might prefer to keep his challenges to himself and find a way to handle them without involving you.

Be patient: sometimes you might have issues understanding your boyfriend because you’ve not known him for long.

In such a case, you have to be patient and create an Atmosphere of communication that would enable your boyfriend to speak freely without criticism.

With time, you would begin to understand him better.

How To Understand My Boyfriend’s Feelings

To understand your boyfriend’s feelings, you can do the following:

Be observant

Ask him questions

Try to know his Friends (his friends are a reflection of himself).

Listen attentively when he speaks

Encourage him to communicate

He Says He Wishes I Could Just Understand Him. How Can I Understand Him If He Isn’t Open About His Feelings?

To understand your boyfriend, you must observe his lifestyle and listen attentively when he speaks.

He might be ashamed or afraid to talk to you about what’s happening in his life.

That’s why you have to observe him, detect when he’s unhappy, and then ask what’s happening.

Men love it when you can observe they’re unhappy; it helps a man share deeper things with you because he feels you care about him.

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