If you’ve been asking yourself, “why am I attracted to bad boys” then this article is for you
I met Angela in high school through my classmate and friend Chris.
Chris had known Angela and her sister for a long time.
One day when they came to visit Chris on their way back from school, I met them, and so we became friends.
Angela and her sister were exceptional women, and both had a caring nature that attracted people to them.
Although they were both lovely, Angela was the most caring woman in the world (this is not an exaggeration).
Her heart was very soft, and sometimes I call her “mother Theresa.”
Angela and I maintained a close level of friendship to a point I began to get scared that someone might soon take advantage of her kindness and her big heart.
Guess what? I was right.
Not long after, I noticed we weren’t as closed as we used to be, and she didn’t allow me to talk with her about our friendship that was getting cold.
Later, she told me she was in a relationship, although I was happy for her at first,
My happiness soon faded when she told me the guy was rough and smoked, but she believed he would change.
Why Do I Feel Attracted To Bad Guys?
I know so many women keep asking themselves that question without getting a definite answer to why there is a strong attraction for a guy you know is terrible and rough and would likely break your heart.
In this article, you will discover why very nice girls shock us with their dating choices that leave you surprised and confused at the same time.
If you are ready to find out, let’s dive in.
Why Am I Attracted To Bad Boys: Top 9 Reasons
1. They Are Persistent
Have you ever seen a guy who won’t take “No” for an answer or a guy who keeps being on your neck no matter what you do to him or how often you ignore him?
That’s most likely a bad guy.
Bad guys have a certain level of persistence and determination that is attractive to women.
Many women mistake persistence for love, which is not valid.
Most women’s definition of a guy who truly loves you is a persistent guy who wouldn’t give up.
He keeps chasing you around town and harassing you with calls and texts. Such actions make you feel good about yourself.
Most women get attracted to guys that never give up; Guys who keep coming no matter the embarrassment you give them,
Or how many times you ignored their calls or saw their text but decided not to reply.
When such a guy continues to chase you despite the attitude you’ve given him, most women conclude that the guy truly loves them.
They believe a guy has to pass certain “hurdles” to justify he’s serious about the relationship, but in reality, the reverse is the case.
How do you mean Joseph?
Most persistent guys are bad guys.
According to a study carried out by the University of Kansas, they discovered that guys become aggressive and vengeful when rejected by a female.
So the moment you keep rejecting a guy, and he keeps chasing you, that’s because he’s a bad guy.
One thing is most likely in his mind, and that’s to get revenge for all the stress you took him through.
2. They Have Confidence
Most bad guys have an outstanding level of confidence; they generally don’t care what people think about them and tend to have developed a thick skin to the criticism from the outside world.
You can say they have “no shame” while this is attractive at first to ladies, you would soon discover that it’s a bad thing.
Being without shame means they can do unthinkable things without guilt.
Angela’s boyfriend hacked her Facebook account and started posting pictures of him kissing another woman.
A bad guy can ask your sister out and sleep with your best friend because he has no shame.
3. They Allow You to Put Little Effort
Most ladies don’t want to put in the effort to build their relationship.
It’s often why they attract bad guys who allow them do little or nothing during the period of chasing.
Even when you hardly call him, the bad guy keeps calling you. He also keeps texting you when you ignore his messages.
He expresses his undying love for you even when you don’t want to give him a chance.
A bad guy is okay with a one-sided relationship until he gets what he wants and then suddenly no longer puts effort into the relationship.
It’s interesting to note that most ladies start putting in much effort to make it work at the point where the bad guy has lost interest.
4. They Feel Like a Challenge
Most women like to fix things say Dr. Cunningham, Ph.D. professor, and psychologist.
The feminine nature of women tends to make them feel they can “change” people.
Like Angela thought when she started dating a smoker and a serial womanizer.
Since most women suffer from low self-esteem, they make it a project to change these bad guys to feel good about themselves.
Dr. Margaret Seide MD says if a girl can convince a bad guy to change, it looks like an achievement and helps reinforce that she’s an amazing woman.
Since bad guys often have sad stories of their past, many women are attracted to them and try to “heal” the bad guy’s wounds by showering them with so much love.
But in reality, such a mindset is a trap, and a bad guy hardly changes because you want him to.
5. You Love Emotional Drama
Most women claim nice guys are boring and predictable.
But they get the much needed drama with a bad guy.
The roller coaster of emotions, fights, and makeup dinner is a lot of “activity” and seems attractive to most women.
When people want something they shouldn’t have, the desire to get it increases considerately, says Dr. Melancon.
Bad boys are generally known to be forbidden or something to stay away from, which further makes them attractive to women.
The fact that a relationship with a bad guy is unpredictable makes women desire it.
6. You Think He Will Protect You
Women who are easily terrified get attracted to bad boys.
Due to the bad guy’s lifestyle of aggression, some women desire to have someone tough to defend them from the world’s bullies, says Forrest tally, Ph.D.
Some women feel protected and even arrogant when dating a bad guy.
The only downside is that he might use the aggression on you.
7. They Free You from the Pressure to Be a Good Girl
Girls possess distinct character traits like rebelliousness, says psychologist Robyn McKay Ph.D.
Most of these character traits are suppressed during childhood as society expects you to “behave.”
When a girl’s inner character is unexpressed, there is a high tendency she would be attracted to bad guys because bad guys represent the life she so badly desires.
Many girls roll with bad boys when they move away from their parents.
The freedom gives them access to explore the life they didn’t have the opportunity to explore before, and the bad guy is there to take them on the ride.
8. You Are Afraid Of Commitment
Most times, ladies who are afraid of a serious relationship fall for a bad guy.
A serious relationship requires discipline and faithfulness, but a bad guy helps you ignore all that because he doesn’t obey rules anyway.
You get to enjoy the freedom that comes with dating a bad guy without needing to make such sacrifices for the relationship to work.
Being with a bad guy relieves you of the work associated with commitment which can hurt if the relationship ends.
It is important to note that going after bad guys to avoid commitment is not a good decision, because dating a bad guy is often short-term; It can prevent you from having a meaningful relationship.
9. You Are a Victim of Parental Abuse
If you’ve been asking yourself, “Why am I attracted to bad guys even though I know they are not right for me,” this could be the answer.
Angela was a victim of parental abuse. Her dad was always making her feel less of herself.
He claimed he was “protecting her” from the bad boys around his neighborhood, but he was destroying her self-worth in reality.
He would talk down on her and threaten her with all manner of punishment; he would physically abuse her at some point.
The fact that Angela’s mom had separated from her dad, made things worse.
It was easy for her to fall into the hands of a bad guy because she was looking for love and validation.
When she met a smoking guy, she felt changing him would make her feel like she was worth something.
Psychologist Nina Savelle says women with abusive parents or close family members are drawn to bad guys.
The desire to be valuable and feel loved by someone stays with us throughout our lifetime.
And when we can’t get that love from our parents and close family members, we unconsciously start looking for who would fill that void and give us the love and attention we so desire.
Since most bad guys are persistent and act as if they would never leave, girls easily fall for them.
Why Am I Attracted To Guys Who Are Bad For Me?
There are a couple of reasons why that happens, but the most common factors are parental abuse, low self-esteem, and the desire to be loved and cherished.
A bad boy can temporarily be there for you and give you the love you need, but it wouldn’t last long. That’s because most bad guys are narcissistic.
How To Stop Being Attracted To Bad Guys
Stop Looking For Love: the more you look for love, the more desperate and careless you become.
Desperation can make you accept anybody that says “I love you” even if they don’t mean it.
Take your time to study any guy you are planning to date.
If you keep jumping from one relationship to another in search of love, you are most likely to fall into the hands of bad guys.
Bad guys can sense the desperation in a lady, and they are happy to take advantage of it.
Build Your Self-Worth: most ladies that fall victim to bad guys have self-esteem issues.
They are often in search of validation or someone who believes in them.
Many ladies are from abusive homes where they hardly had any parental love.
It would be best if you built your self-esteem without depending on a guy to validate your self-worth.
Ladies who depend on a guy for validation end up used and abused.
I recommend you read books, attend seminars and workshops and seek the help of a professional psychologist to help you rebuild your self-worth.
Take Some Time Off Dating: women who often attract the wrong guys are always looking for love.
That’s why taking some time off dating can reduce the pressure of dating any guy that expresses love to you.
Taking time to enjoy your singlehood without the pressure of commitment would help you reflect on your previous relationships and recognize the patterns you might have missed.
Practicing self-love would help you recognize toxic guys when they come your way.