It was a cloudy day. Edith went to visit her friend that was where she met Daniel.
He was a very handsome young man,
And they instantly connected and exchanged numbers, and they started talking on the phone.
Edith was very happy to meet such a charming and caring guy (so she thought).
He soon asked her out, and she accepted that was how their relationship began.
It didn’t take long before he started to display controlling personality traits.
First, he told Edith to get rid of her phone and that he didn’t want her exes to start calling her.
Then he started monitoring where she was and who she was hanging out with.
Edith didn’t realize early that these are controlling behavior patterns until they got married.
I will share 13 early signs of a controlling man in this article.
I believe it would help to be aware and take decisive action against such toxic relationships.
If you are ready, let’s dive in
13 Early Signs of a Controlling Man Every Lady Should Know
1. He Blames You for Everything
If your man blames you for everything that goes wrong,
That’s a sign he has a controlling personality.
Controlling men never want to take responsibility for their actions; they always look for whom to blame.
Blaming someone else gives him a sense of control and freedom from guilt.
If you catch him cheating, he blames you for not being caring enough,
Justifying his actions rather than apologizing.
If he verbally abuses you and you complain,
He says it’s your fault because you made him angry.
He’s never responsible for anything that goes wrong because he believes he’s perfect and can’t make mistakes.
If your man acts like this, he’s controlling and displaying narcissistic behavior.
2. He Criticizes You All the Time
If your man criticizes you all the time and uses abusive words on you,
That’s a red flag.
A controlling man is always trying to make you feel less of yourself because that’s his control mechanism to keep you to himself.
The more he puts you down, the more your self-esteem diminishes,
Making you feel as if he’s “managing you.”
A controlling man is always out to hurt your feelings and self-esteem,
And make you feel “I am not enough for him” the reason he acts this way is to make you stick with him.
If he’s always trying to body shame you for being fat,
Mock you due to your past mistakes, or laugh at you due to your upbringing, that’s a controlling man.
3. He Tries To Separate You from Your Loved Ones
A controlling man wants your whole world around him and would get angry if you make any plans outside him.
Most times, they want to set you up against your family and loved ones so they can be the only ones in your life.
They get angry when you want to hang out with your girls or go on a family vacation that they wouldn’t be part of.
The moment you want to do anything without them,
They feel threatened and would try to discourage you from it.
They can even bad-mouth your family members,
All in a bid for you to see him as the only one you need.
Edith’s boyfriend had tried many times to set her against her mom.
Edith and her mom run a business together. Her boyfriend has often accused Edith’s mom of cheating on her in business.
If you have a man trying to make you fight and disconnect from your loved ones, then run.
4. He Keeps Score
If your man is like a record keeper who keeps tabs on your wrongs,
Forgetting the ones he did that’s a controlling behavior.
He can bring up something that happened months ago to taunt you.
A controlling man hardly forgives because forgiveness makes him look weak.
When a man is always looking for a way to revenge the mistakes you’ve made,
No matter how much you apologize, that’s one of the early signs of a controlling man.
When a man is good at keeping scores, the tendency to want to hurt you as an act of deliberate revenge is very high.
5. He Tries To Intimidate You
A controlling man is always looking for how to intimidate you with something.
Either he mocks you for being broke or less educated than him.
If you are not as educated as him,
Your opinion becomes irrelevant because you are not “intelligent” enough to give him any advice.
He can make you beg when you ask him for financial assistance,
Or he can verbally abuse you because you asked for his support emotionally.
A controlling man is always trying to use what he has as an advantage to intimidate you.
Like Edith, whose boyfriend stopped her from working when they got married
He wanted Edith to be financially dependent on him, which allowed him to maltreat her.
6. He Displays Mood Swings
If your man is nice one minute and the next minute,
He begins to ask you how your relationship with your ex went even after you’ve told him before
Or his mood changes suddenly from nice to abusive during a conversation
A controlling man would make you feel you are not good enough because he thinks he’s the best.
He can suddenly snap at you, and his mood changes without explanation,
And you are the one who would be the victim of his emotional swing.
7. He’s Possessive and Believes He Owns You.
A controlling man believes you shouldn’t deny him anything he wants from you. They have an entitlement mentality.
He believes he owns you, and as such, you can’t deny him anything.
He’s possessive and doesn’t want you to hang out with anyone except him.
He expects you to always give in to his demands and won’t take no for an answer.
He doesn’t want you to take any decision by yourself because he believes you would always make the wrong decision.
If you take any decision without consulting him first,
He gets angry and would use that as an opportunity to abuse you.
A controlling man thinks you can’t do anything right without him,
And he needs to permit you before you can take any action.
8. He’s Jealous and Suspicious
One of the early signs of a controlling man is that they get easily suspicious and jealous.
It’s typical for him to check through your phone, messages, chats, and then ask you to explain who every guy in your contact list is.
A controlling man is a prison in human form.
He monitors and asks you to explain everything you do,
From why you didn’t answer his phone on time to why it took you long to get to his house.
A controlling man wants to be in charge of everything that happens in his life.
9. He Want You To Change For Him
If your man is always trying to change who you are as a person by complaining about everything about you, he’s probably controlling.
It’s okay to tell your girlfriend about the negative attitude they might have and help them to get better.
But to constantly complain about your personality and try to change you it’s a red flag.
A controlling man would complain that you are too friendly, which can make you cheat on him.
Isn’t that funny?
He wants you to become who he wants, for him to be happy.
10. He Lacks Social Life
A controlling man most times lacks social life and has very few friends.
He rarely goes out to have a nice time, and he wants you to be like him.
If your man is always against you going out or meeting friends,
That’s an early sign of a controlling man
Most controlling men don’t have a problem making you the center of their world, where you become the only friend they have.
The only problem is that they want you to do the same.
11. He’s Always Right
A controlling man is always right. He’s never wrong.
He has a sense of superiority in the relationship, and he believes he’s better than you and can’t be wrong.
Most controlling men are opinionated.
You often can’t correct a controlling man because he believes he’s more informed and exposed than you.
When you try to correct him,
He becomes defensive and tries to abuse you emotionally.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to Tell If a Guy Is Controlling Early On?
If a guy displays the following traits, he might be controlling; he lacks social life,
Gets angry when you communicate with others, tries to make your loved ones unimportant,
Claims you don’t need anyone but him, acts like Mr. Know it that is never wrong.
If a guy displays these controlling traits at the beginning of the relationship,
That’s a red flag, and you have to be careful with him.
What Makes A Controlling Partner?
If your partner constantly tries to dominate you in an unhealthy and toxic way, he’s displaying controlling traits.
Such traits include he’s always wanting things done his way.
He believes he’s too perfect to be wrong, tries to intimidate you,
Or make you feel guilty and insecure.
How Do You Deal With A Controlling Partner?
If your partner is controlling, you should take the following steps to handle the situation.
Openly Communicate Your Feelings: although most controlling partners will not agree they are manipulative,
You should voice your feelings about his controlling attitude.
Some might not even be aware they are controlling until you confront them.
Don’t be silent and expect the guy to change automatically.
Voice out your feelings, and let him know how his actions affect you.
Recommend He Visits A Therapist: when he’s in a good mood,
Let him know he needs to visit a therapist who would help him work on his attitude.
Ensure you go with him if you can,
Which would help him complete the therapy sessions in record time.
Stay Connected To Friends And Family: most controlling men would do everything possible to separate you from your friends and family,
So you do not have any emotional support when they start abusing you.
You must resist any attempt for your man to isolate you in the name of love.
True love doesn’t separate or depend on one person as your source of happiness.
Will A Controlling Man Ever Change?
Yes, they can. It’s not easy. Most controlling men learned that character from childhood, mainly due to parental abuse.
It will be difficult, but he can change if he’s determined, puts in the effort, and seeks professional help.
What to Do In a Controlling Relationship?
If you are in a controlling relationship, you can apply the following tips below.
Find out Why He’s controlling: some men are controlling because they once experienced cheating in their relationship,
And are now putting defensive measures to prevent a reoccurrence.
But unknown to them, those measures are controlling.
If you discover that’s the issue, reassure him you are different from the lady who cheated on him.
Set Boundaries And Enforce It: you must set boundaries when you are in a relationship with a controlling man.
The more you give him liberty to do as he pleases,
The more controlling he becomes.
Create clear boundaries and resist any attempt for him to violate such boundaries.
How to Get Out Of a Controlling Relationship?
Design a Plan to Keep You Safe: most controlling men are selfish.
You have to create a plan to be safe when you finally end the relationship.
Controlling men can be violent and abuse you physically when you attempt to end the relationship.
Don’t Change Your Mind: the moment you express your desire to leave the relationship, controlling men get emotional.
They can beg and cry to make you change your mind.
When your man observes you have settled into the relationship,
They start their controlling behavior again.
Such acts can go on for a long time until you refuse to change your mind, resulting in violence.
Cut off All Communications: try not to communicate with him for a while; move far away from him if you can.
I understand it’s heartbreaking, but it’s what you need to heal and move on.
Controlling men are fond of trailing you even when the relationship is over and might want to hurt you for leaving the relationship.