If your boyfriend says hurtful things when angry,
This article is especially for you.
Let me share a true-life story
Felicia and ken met at the university.
They were both members of a Christian group on campus and involved in the group’s activities.
One day, after the close of the meeting, ken walked up to Felicia and said “Hello,”
And she replied “Hi” with a warm smile; that was how a conversation started between them.
It became a routine for them to have a short conversation after group meetings until one day when ken asked Felicia for a relationship,
And she told him she would think about it.
Felicia was well known to be very quiet and hardly would engage in a conversation unless someone started a conversation with her.
It took some time for Felicia to agree to date ken, but eventually, she did.
Everything was great initially, but a year later, ken started behaving strange.
He would insult Felicia calling her all sorts of names from prostitute to whore,
He was fond of saying hurtful things to Felicia whenever he was angry.
When Felicia doesn’t agree with what he wants, he tries to bully her into submission by saying hurtful things to her.
Felicia was fat and curvy; he was always making fun of her weight,
Calling her “fat fool” or would sometimes tell her she was too fat and occupying space.
Sadly many guys behave this way to their girlfriends by saying hurtful things when angry.
In this article, I will share unique insight on how to handle the situation if your boyfriend says hurtful things when angry.
But first, why does he act this way
Boyfriend Says Hurtful Things When Angry: Why He Acts This Way
1. Something Is Hurting Him
Your boyfriend may be hurt because of something you did or said,
But he didn’t tell you and hence started to resent you for it.
Resentment often makes someone get angry at you at the slightest opportunity.
It’s possible you said something to him that hurt him,
Which he kept silent about; he’s now saying hurtful things to you because he’s hurt.
It’s also possible you are not the one that hurt him,
He got hurt at work or school, and he’s taking it out on you.
A boyfriend saying hurtful things when angry could be a sign of a hurting boyfriend.
People who are hurt easily hurt others.
2. He is Trying To Get Revenge
Your boyfriend could be trying to get revenge for your past mistakes by saying hurtful things.
He could have found out you cheated on him, and he cannot forgive you.
Or you disrespected him at some point, and he’s trying to get revenge by deliberately hurting your feelings.
Maybe you once dumped him for another guy and came back, or you treated him badly when he was broke.
All these can trigger him in a revenge mood where he tries his best to hurt you by any means possible,
Including saying hurtful things that would affect your self-esteem.
3. He’s Trying To Bully You Into Agreeing To Something
Your boyfriend saying hurtful things to you could be a manipulative technique to get you to agree to whatever he wants.
Some guys would get angry when you disagree with what they want,
And he starts saying hurtful things to get you to agree and make them stop.
Ken was very good at using this technique to manipulate Felicia to get whatever he wanted.
Such behavior is often a sign of a narcissistic boyfriend.
4. He Lacks Self-Control
It requires self-control to be angry and not say hurtful things to your partner.
A boyfriend that wants to win an argument might resort to saying hurtful things to silence you.
Lack of self-control is often why a guy would say hurtful things without regard for your feelings.
When a guy has respect for people, you included, he’s careful with his choice of words,
But when he lacks self-control, he can spill anything that comes to his mind.
5. He Doesn’t Respect You.
When a guy has lost respect for you or is no longer interested in the relationship,
He can start saying hurtful things without regard for your feelings.
When he’s tired of the relationship or cheating with someone else, he’s most likely to disrespect your feelings.
When your boyfriend keeps saying hurtful things to you, that might prove he doesn’t value you anymore,
Or another woman is in the picture that he gets all his attention.
Boyfriend Says Hurtful Things When Angry: How To Handle The Situation
6. Set Boundaries
It’s important to set boundaries for your relationship.
Your boyfriend needs to know what you don’t tolerate.
Humans often follow the pattern we lay out for them.
If he knows you don’t tolerate abusive or hurtful words,
He would be more careful with his choice of words.
If he tells you something you don’t like, confront him directly and tell him, “I don’t like what you said to me. It hurt me. Please don’t do that again.”
Telling him that would make him more aware, but if you ignore his hurtful words, he would become more abusive.
Let your boyfriend know from the beginning of the relationship that you wouldn’t tolerate abusive and hurtful words.
7. Have An Honest Conversation With Him
If you notice he’s been telling you hurtful things for a while,
And you’ve never had a conversation with him to let him know he has been hurting you, this is the time.
Sit him down when he’s in a good mood and let him know how he has been saying hurtful things when he’s angry.
Sometimes he might not even be aware of the emotional damage he has caused you.
Have an honest conversation with him and pour out your heart to him.
If he respects your feelings and values you, he will be careful with his words.
8. Work On Yourself
You might not like what I am about to say, but I would say it anyway.
A part of you may allow him to say hurtful things to you.
In other words, a part of you triggers him to say hurtful things to you.
Maybe you do things that offend him, or you don’t listen to him when he tries to warn you of something,
Or you nag and complain at him a lot.
It might also be because you are too calm and have low self-esteem,
Which gives him the confidence to say hurtful things to you.
Or you are financially dependent on him.
Felicia was very calm and quiet and would hardly talk; ken took advantage of it to abuse her.
Whatever you feel is giving your boyfriend the confidence to abuse you, take that power away from him by upgrading yourself.
When you upgrade yourself, the old you that used to give him the confidence to say hurtful things to you is no longer there,
He would then be careful what he says to you.
For instance, if you used to nag and complain, and suddenly you stop nagging,
That would surprise your boyfriend, and he would no longer have the opportunity to abuse you because you no longer nag at him.
9. Give Him An Ultimatum
Sometimes even with all the strategies above,
Your boyfriend might keep saying hurtful things to you.
And to let him know you are serious,
You can give him an ultimatum to stop abusing you, or you will walk out of the relationship.
An ultimatum makes him know you are serious and won’t tolerate abuse anymore.
If he should try to abuse you again after the ultimatum,
That means he doesn’t care about you anymore and won’t mind if you walk out of the relationship.
In such a case, there is no need to stay in such a relationship if he doesn’t have respect for you.
10. Make Him Accountable
You must hold your boyfriend accountable by making him aware of the hurtful things he says to you.
Men often claim they are always right and would not apologize for anything they say.
That’s why you have to make him accountable by consistently letting him know of any hurtful words he uses and asking him for an apology.
The more silent you are, the more confident he gets to abuse you verbally.
Don’t let hurtful things he says to you to slide; bring it up when he’s in a better mood and demand an apology.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I Forgive My Boyfriend For Saying Hurtful Things
Yes, it would be best to forgive him; it could be in a moment of anger.
But if he does it repeatedly, that’s no longer a mistake it’s now a deliberate attempt to hurt you, which you shouldn’t tolerate.
When you continue to accept hurtful words from your boyfriend, your self-esteem is affected.
Why Does My Partner Say Hurtful Things?
1. He lacks self-control
2. He’s trying to bully you into submission
3. He’s trying to get revenge for something you did to him
4. He doesn’t value you anymore
5. He’s looking for how to end the relationship.
How Do You Respond To An Angry Boyfriend?
1. Keep quiet and don’t respond
2. Give him space to get over his anger
3. Find out why he’s angry
4. Apologize if necessary
5. Tell him your side of the story when he’s no longer angry
6. Step out and hang out with friends
When Me And My Boyfriend Fight, He Tends To Say Some Really Hurtful Things And Doesn’t Seem To Care At The Moment. What Should I Do?
Let him know how hurtful his words are when the fight is over.
But if he continues to say hurtful things anytime you guys fight, that’s a toxic attitude, and you should quit the relationship ASAP.
If he doesn’t care about your feelings, then he’s not worth it.
My Boyfriend Has A Bad Temper And Sometimes Says Mean Things He Doesn’t Mean. How Can I Get Him To Stop?
It’s going to be difficult to get him to stop.
You can’t be certain he doesn’t mean what he’s saying.
If he truly loves and respects you, he should have self-control over what he says to you, even if he’s angry.
If he keeps saying hurtful things whenever he’s angry, it means he’s deliberately trying to hurt you.
You should leave if you’ve told him about it and he doesn’t stop.
You don’t repeatedly hurt someone you love. That’s not a mistake; it’s intentional.