“My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Meet My Family” if you are in such a situation, this article is for you.
I remember the first time my ex-girlfriend asked me if I could meet her family.
I froze like I had been cast on ice. My heart was beating fast, and I didn’t know what to say to escape visiting.
I wasn’t playing with her feelings in the relationship, I was serious, but I was afraid they wouldn’t like me because I was broke.
I kept postponing the visit until she didn’t talk about it anymore.
I also felt visiting her family was not very important compared to our love for each other, but I was very wrong.
With time she slowly started to resent me, which led her to cheat.
When I finally found out, I asked her why she did it, and she said, “you caused it”
I didn’t understand what she meant because I tried my best to make her happy as long as the relationship lasted.
I kept asking her what I did wrong until she opened up and told me everything.
And guess what? The top reason she gave was I didn’t visit her family.
She said I refused to visit her family, which convinced her I was not worth it.
But first, let’s understand why he’s getting cold feet.
My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Meet My Family: Why He’s Yet To Meet Them
1. He’s Just Using You
Your boyfriend may be using you, and he has no plan for a serious and long-term relationship.
Meeting your family is often a big step towards making the relationship official.
A guy that wants to play with you and waste your time is most times afraid of meeting your family.
Guys who are players often want to hide in the shadow without anybody knowing them or holding them accountable.
Your relationship usually has a significant level of accountability if your family knows your boyfriend.
They can quickly call or invite him over if they notice the relationship falling apart.
And that’s what a guy who is using you doesn’t want.
Most guys who are players dread accountability and would get cold feet the moment you want him to visit your family.
2. He’s Nervous
Just like I was nervous about visiting my ex’s family
I wasn’t playing with her emotions, but I was nervous.
Meeting people who don’t know you before for the first time is not easy.
Your boyfriend may be nervous, and so many thoughts are going through his mind, such as “will they like me.”
Will they say hurtful things to me because of my race or religion?
Would they act cold towards me or try to embarrass me jokingly?
There are many reasons why a nervous guy might not want to visit your family.
Your family might expect your boyfriend to make a great first impression which he may fail to do.
3. He’s Broke
Most broke guys often think the world is against them.
I was once like that. I didn’t have enough confidence because I was broke.
Your boyfriend might be scared your family won’t like him because he’s broke and at such would not want to visit them to avoid embarrassment.
A broke guy usually has low self-esteem, which would make him read meanings to everything, including visiting your family.
Your boyfriend might want to buy a gift for your family since he’s visiting them for the first time,
If he’s broke, he won’t be able to get any gift which would make him hesitate to visit them.
4. He’s Afraid They Would Ask Him Weird Questions.
Recently I went to visit my current girlfriend’s family, and the first question they asked was
“When is the wedding coming up?”
I was kind of uncomfortable, but you dare not ignore their question.
So I had to answer while my girlfriend was laughing.
Honestly, I wasn’t comfortable, but I had no choice.
That could be the situation your boyfriend is trying to avoid.
Most times, your family members are not afraid; they can ask weird questions that you might not want your boyfriend yet.
Such questions can make him uncomfortable.
5. He Feels Pressured
It’s possible your boyfriend is feeling pressured and thinks it’s not yet time to meet your family.
Guys generally hesitate when it comes to meeting the family of their girlfriend.
They want time to think about it and be sure it’s the right thing to do.
The more you pressure him to meet your family before he’s ready, the more distant he becomes.
If your relationship is still very young, like a few months, it’s okay to give him more time to get comfortable with the idea of meeting your family.
Otherwise, you would freak him out, and he might ghost you.
My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Meet My Family: How To Handle The Situation
6. Be Patient
It’s essential to be patient and observe your boyfriend’s body language whenever you bring up the issue of him visiting your family.
Although you should be patient, you should also be careful of a guy that wants to waste your time.
If your boyfriend has a record of cheating and he doesn’t want to meet your family, then there’s a high chance he’s just using you.
If it’s one of the other reasons listed, like he’s nervous or he’s broke,
Then you have to be patient and give it some time for him to be comfortable visiting your family.
7. Invite Him To Family Gatherings
If your mom is celebrating her birthday, or your cousin is getting married, invite him.
It would make him meet the family unofficially, making it easier when he finally decides to visit them.
A family gathering doesn’t carry as much tension as meeting your family alone.
8. Focus On Other Things
If you focus too much on getting your boyfriend to visit your family, you will soon appear desperate, and that can make him run away.
Focus on other things that make you happy and the positive side of the relationship.
Go out with your girls, make yourself happy, and focus on your career.
When you focus on other things, it takes away the pressure from the relationship and makes it exciting.
You can mention it once in a while but don’t start to resent him if he doesn’t want to meet them yet as long as you are sure he’s not a player.
Be a high-value woman he wouldn’t want to lose to someone else, and he would one day tell you he wants to meet your family.
9. Discuss With Him
You should sit down with him and have an honest discussion with him.
Let him know you would appreciate it if he could visit your family
Don’t tell him they want to see him; it might break him out.
Just tell him you would want him to get familiar with your family members, and it would mean a lot to you.
10. Meet His Family
It’s a psychological hack to make him visit your family without pressure.
When you visit his family and connect with them, it would likely trigger him to visit your family too.
It’s called the law of reciprocity, shared by Robert Cindini in his book the psychology of persuasion.
I highly recommend you read the book.
Visiting his family would make him realize the need to visit your family too.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Meet My Family?
There are many reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t want to meet your family; some of them are listed below:
1. He’s a player and has no plans for the relationship
2. He’s shy and doesn’t know if your family will like him
3. He’s broke and has low self-esteem
When Should Your Boyfriend Meet Your Family?
It depends on how quickly you settle in the relationship and feel it has a future
It’s also essential to know if your boyfriend is ready to meet them.
I would recommend within six months to 1 year of dating. It would give you enough time to know the guy and decide if he’s worth it.
My Boyfriend Refuses To Meet My Family And Tells Me He Doesn’t Need To. Should I Be Worried About Our Relationship, Or Is It Fine?
It depends. If the relationship is still very young, you should give your guy more time to get comfortable with meeting your family.
But if you’ve been dating for a year or more, that calls for concern, it could be your boyfriend is just wasting your time and doesn’t see any future for the relationship.
Ask him his genuine reasons why he feels he doesn’t need to meet your family; if the reasons don’t make sense, you can quit.