In June 2015, I caught my ex-girlfriend cheating.
It was one of the most shocking discoveries of my life.
It was hurtful because I trusted her so much. It wasn’t easy getting over what she did.
She was a disciplined woman with great displeasure for cheating, so I couldn’t understand her reasons for cheating.
Her actions almost destroy my trust in women.
It took a long time for me to heal.
I understand how it feels for your boyfriend to have trust issues because his ex cheated on him.
In this article, I would take you by the hand, and together, we would explore why he’s having difficulty trusting you and what you can do to handle the situation.
If you are ready, let’s dive in
My Boyfriend Has Trust Issues Because Of His Ex: Why He Acts That Way
1. He Was Deceived
It all started when my ex-girlfriend was always calling and chatting with a guy called Harry.
In the beginning, I didn’t suspect anything because I trusted her.
But she started acting weird all of a sudden.
Gradually it became difficult to communicate with her; either she was not online or won’t take my calls.
Sometimes when we agree to meet and discuss our issues, she won’t show up.
I got worried and started asking questions.
I asked her if she was dating the Harry guy because he was always calling.
She claimed she and Harry were just friends and nothing more.
She kept acting weird, and it made me feel miserable.
One day I caught her red-handed in Harry’s apartment.
I wasn’t angry she was dating someone else; I was angry she kept lying about it, pretending to be faithful.
She acted like I was the problem of the relationship, but in reality, she was the one.
Your boyfriend might be hurt that his ex deceived him; that event makes it difficult for him to trust you.
2. You’re Triggering Him
Your actions could be similar to what his cheating ex was doing.
Maybe you go out to receive some calls or have many male friends, and they call you pet names.
Or you go to parties and nightclubs without inviting him.
If his ex was doing the same thing and he found out she was cheating, it could be triggering him not to trust you.
3. Insecurity And Low Self-Esteem
Your boyfriend might have had other women cheat on him before, so he feels he’s not good enough or all women are the same.
He might feel his ex left him because he was broke or not handsome.
If he’s used to being dumped, he might believe you would do the same.
Insecurity can make him possessive around you, making him spy on your phone without permission or telling you to cut ties with your male friends.
Men who have been cheated on in the past would want to protect their current girlfriends from other men; most times, they do it wrong.
4. Emotional Manipulation And Abuse
I have a friend who was so in love with a girl he would do anything for her.
She used that as an advantage to exploit the guy financially.
Unknown to him, the girl didn’t care about him and was dating him because of what she would gain.
When she got tired, she broke up with him, which made him completely heartbroken for a long time.
His ex might have manipulated your boyfriend, making him have trust issues.
How Do You Deal With A Man With Trust Issues?
5. Create A Safe Space For Communication
The first thing is to give room for open communication.
Allow him to share his feelings. Don’t expect him to heal because he’s in a new relationship.
Many women get angry and think it’s because he still loves his ex, but that might not be true.
He might be so hurt because of the trust he had for her.
You might think your love for him is enough to make him forget his ex and move on, but in reality, it’s not that easy.
Allow him to share his pain and sympathize with him.
It’s not easy to heal from emotional pain, but with time, he will get over the betrayal and trust you completely.
Give him time to get over the pain his ex cost him and be willing to support him if needed.
Don’t be quick to shut him up or get angry whenever he talks about how bad his ex treated him.
6. Reassure Him Of Your Faithfulness
Tell him you’re not the ex that cheated on him, and all women are not the same.
Reassure him of your faithfulness to the relationship and that you have no intention to cheat on him.
Be honest in your conversations, and try not to hide things from him.
For a guy cheated on, your actions would speak louder than words.
7. Set Clear Boundaries & Expectations
Inform him that although you want to support him emotionally, he shouldn’t make you pay for the mistakes of his ex.
If he’s not properly healed from the past, you can take a break from the relationship for him to figure things out.
But he shouldn’t take you for granted because his ex hurt him.
Setting the right expectations would make him realize he must treat you respectfully.
8. Be Transparent And Reliable
The best way to build trust with an insecure guy is to be transparent.
He needs to know he can trust you, which would take time.
My girlfriend and I have made transparency the foundation of our relationship.
We have access to each other’s phones and have maintained transparency for the past six years.
Be transparent with him, and he needs to be transparent with you for the relationship to grow.
9. Seek Professional Help
Your boyfriend’s mental health might have been affected by his ex’s actions.
He might see women, in general, as cheats that can’t be trusted.
You might notice he’s having difficulty opening his heart and committing to the relationship.
If he hardly believes anything you say or says, “Women are liars,” then he needs professional help.
And if he agrees, you can encourage him to sign up for therapy to help change his mindset.
But if he’s unwilling to work on himself and he keeps having trust issues, then you should walk away because you deserve better.
Frequently Asked Questions
What To Do If My Bf Has Trust Issues Because Of His Past?
If you have a boyfriend that has trust issues, you can apply the following strategies:
Give him time: you have to give him time to trust you and, in the process, be transparent with him.
Being transparent would be one of the most effective techniques you can use to help him rebuild his broken trust.
Time would prove to him that you’re different from the women who hurt him.
Speak with him about it: have a conversation with him about the issue and reassure him of your love and commitment to the relationship.
Let him know you wouldn’t hurt him, and he needs to work on his trust issues before it ruins the relationship.
Quit if he doesn’t change: you can’t continue to date a guy that doesn’t trust you despite your efforts.
A guy that doesn’t trust you can become violent when he feels you’re not telling him the truth.
What Do You Say To Your Boyfriend If He Has Trust Issues?
If you’re looking for the exact words to say to your boyfriend that has trust issues, you can try the following:
Babe, I know it’s not easy trusting someone after you’ve been betrayed.
But everyone is different, and you can’t judge me because another woman hurt you in the past.
I promise I won’t betray you because I’m fully committed to the relationship.
I treasure what we share and won’t trade it for anything.
How Can I Help My Boyfriend Get Over Trust Issues?
You can help your boyfriend get over trust issues by doing the following:
Be transparent with him
Give him time to heal
Reassure him of your commitment
Encourage him to seek professional help
Quit if he doesn’t want to work on it.