My boyfriend is jealous of my success, if you are in such a situation this is for you
Let me share a true-life story
It all started after Emily took her boyfriend (Jackson) to her company’s end-of-year party.
The company usually gives awards to performing staff in various departments.
Emily won the best staff of the Year award; while everyone was cheering and celebrating her, Jackson was indifferent.
He didn’t bother to congratulate her on the awards.
Emily thought he was shy because he hadn’t been to her end-of-year party before, so the environment was new to him.
On their way home, she waited for Jackson to congratulate her; instead, he asked, “Who did you sleep with to get the award? I know you are not that smart.”
Emily was stunned. She started crying; her happiness due to the award turned sour.
That wasn’t the only time he had downplayed her success and made her achievements worthless.
It got to a point Emily started to sense her boyfriend was jealous of her success because of his attitude.
If you are in such a situation, this article is for you.
Let’s understand why he acts that way.
Why Is My Boyfriend Jealous Of My Success?
1. Fear Of Losing You
Some guys believe if you become successful, you will begin to desire other men better than them.
Even if you don’t desire them, other men better than him will start to come your way.
Success draws a lot of attention, which might be what he fears.
Some girls start thinking their boyfriend is not good enough when they become successful.
He might be thinking if you become very successful, you would be out of his league.
Your boyfriend might be acting that way because he’s insecure.
He needs to be convinced you can handle success without changing completely.
Every man has a certain level of insecurity in him. It could result from adverse childhood, past relationship betrayal, negative life experience etc.
Insecurity can also come if your boyfriend accepts a general belief from those around him.
It’s generally believed that successful women are not faithful in their relationships, and they often want to date men who are higher than them.
Such belief can trigger his insecurity.
3. Lack Of Success In His Own Life
If your boyfriend is struggling in his life and job and you are excelling, he might be jealous of your success.
Most men have ego issues and wouldn’t want their girlfriends to be more successful than them.
If your boyfriend is not succeeding in his life endeavors, it could make him agitated, which can make him jealous.
You would notice he doesn’t want to meet your friends because he thinks they would see him as a failure.
Being in the midst of you and your friends, who are also high achievers, would make him feel small and inadequate.
The best way to get at you is to say hurtful things and make your achievement seem like nothing.
4. Societal Pressure
Society believes “a woman should not be more successful than a man.”
If your boyfriend believes such an ideology, he will have issues if you are becoming more successful than him.
Some men believe you have to be more successful than your girlfriend for her to respect you.
I don’t believe in such theories.
A man who feels he should naturally be ahead of you will get jealous if you are ahead of him.
5. Past Experiences
Your boyfriend might be jealous of your success due to a similar experience with another woman.
It’s not all men that started as insecure men. Many of them became insecure due to experience.
I have a friend who supported his girlfriend in studying pharmacy
He sacrificed so much for the girl to succeed and become a pharmacist.
After graduation, she dumped him and got married to her classmate.
All of my friend’s sacrifices when down the drain that experience turned him into an insecure man.
Your boyfriend’s past experience might make him jealous of your success because he feels you might leave him soon.
6. Personal Issues
Your boyfriend’s jealousy might be due to unresolved emotional issues.
Maybe success changed his parents, and now he believes success changes people negatively.
It’s also possible he’s battling anxiety and depression, which makes him believe everyone around him might leave soon.
Personal issues that have not been worked on can make him jealous of your success.
How To Deal With A Boyfriend Who Is Jealous Of Your Success
7. Talk To Him About It
I know it’s a difficult discussion to have with him.
He might not agree he’s jealous of your success and could even tell you to get off your high horse.
Such discussions are usually difficult because your boyfriend could deny it.
But it shouldn’t deter you from telling him your feelings and listening to his reply.
Most women would shy away from having such a discussion and would rather endure his verbal abuse because they don’t want to hurt his ego.
Try not to be that kind of woman.
If you feel he’s jealous of your success and saying demeaning things to mock your achievement, you should tell him about it.
8. Reassure Him
Sometimes, your boyfriend needs reassurance that you are different from other girls.
You should reassure him of your love and commitment to the relationship and let him know you don’t have eyes for any other man except him.
That would likely calm his nerves and help him deal with his insecurities.
It’s normal for him to feel you might change towards him because of your success.
9. Encourage Him
Compliment his strengths and encourage him to pursue his own life goals.
Assure him of your support as he pursues success in his life endeavors.
Your boyfriend may be jealous because he hasn’t been successful recently. If so, remind him of his past success and reassure him that you believe in him.
10. Set Boundaries
Inform your boyfriend you won’t tolerate controlling and possessive behavior because of his jealousy.
Let him know you are not competing with him; your success is also his success because you love him.
He ought to know you will not leave him because of your success, but he should stop trying to demean your achievements.
He would keep saying hurtful things whenever you record any achievement if you don’t set firm boundaries.
11. Consider An Exit Plan
A guy jealous of your success would become worse with time.
He would do anything to demean you and make you feel terrible for being successful.
If you are promoted at work, he will accuse you of cheating on him with your boss.
It’s difficult being with a man that’s jealous of your success.
Such men become violent with time; they might even hit you to feel better.
You have to start thinking of an exit plan if his behavior worsens with time.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can A Man Be Jealous Of A Woman’s Success?
Of course, some insecure men get jealous of their woman’s success.
Your boyfriend might be one of them.
A guy jealous of your success would make the relationship look like a competition and try to show he’s the boss.
How Do You Know If Your Bf Is Jealous Of You?
If your boyfriend is jealous of your success, he would likely display the signs listed below:
He would be unhappy over your success
He tries to compete with you
He becomes abusive and controlling
He would accuse you of cheating to get a promotion.
He wants you to take permission from him before you do anything
He tries to make fun of your achievement
He doesn’t respect you anymore
My Boyfriend Is Jealous Of My Success What Should I Do?
Communicate with him
Address his insecurities
Give him time to get used to your achievement
Be honest and transparent with him
Walk away from the relationship.