boyfriend is not affectionate

My Boyfriend Isn’t Romantic: 12 Odd Facts

My boyfriend isn’t romantic; Being in a relationship with a guy that isn’t romantic can be boring.

It’s even worse when you have friends who keep telling you about the romantic gestures of their boyfriends, while yours is the opposite.

And the sad part is that you don’t know how to tell him.

I understand how it feels to date a guy that isn’t romantic.

He prefers things the way they are and doesn’t want to make changes.

He doesn’t know how to say romantic words, nor does he send you a surprise gift at the office.

He might even forget your birthday.

Whenever he sends you a text message, it always lacks emotional touch.

You might be wondering how I know all these things. That’s because I was once a boring guy who wasn’t romantic.

But over the years, I have worked on it and gotten better.

In this article, I will share the possible reasons why your boyfriend isn’t romantic and what you can do about it.

Why Isn’t My Boyfriend Romantic

1. Different Love Languages

why is my boyfriend not affectionate

Having a different love language from your boyfriend might be one of the major reasons you feel he isn’t romantic.

Oh, in case you’ve never heard about love languages before now, I recommend you get the book “the five love languages” by Gary Chapman.

According to the book, each of us has one of the following love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving of gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

Whether your boyfriend is romantic or not is dependent on your love language.

Secondly, how your boyfriend sees being romantic also depends on his love language.

That’s why if you don’t understand each other’s love language, there will always be tension.

For instance, you can conclude that a guy who tells you sweet things is romantic, while your boyfriend who always wants to be around you is unromantic.

The reason is that hearing sweet things (words of affirmation) is your love language, while quality time is his love language.

How you view someone as romantic or not depends on your love language.

2. Personal Background

Your boyfriend might have come from a family background that views being romantic as a sign of weakness.

Maybe he never saw his parents being romantic towards each other, so he doesn’t know how to be romantic.

What we see as kids contributes immensely to our mindset as adults.

If he never saw his dad get romantic gifts for his mom, he might think that’s how love ought to be.

3. Stress Or Busy Schedule

A lot of men put so much energy into their jobs that they don’t have time to be romantic.

Being romantic takes effort, and he won’t have that time if he’s busy or stressed.

If he’s under pressure at work, he might not see being romantic as necessary because most men prioritize their livelihood over romance.

Taking you on a surprise date or sending you a gift at the office costs time or money, which he might not have.

4. Communication Gap

Your boyfriend might not be aware that he’s not romantic.

The funny thing is that most guys that are not romantic feel they are Mr. Romantic.

If there’s a communication breakdown with your boyfriend, it might trigger him to be resentful, making him unromantic because he’s angry about something.

Most men become cold and distant when they can’t communicate their feelings with you.

5. Previous Negative Experience

I have a friend who used to be very romantic whenever he was in a relationship.

But after a series of heartbreaks, he doesn’t care about being romantic anymore.

According to him, despite being romantic, the ladies still left him for another guy, so what’s the point?

Maybe your boyfriend was romantic in his previous relationships, but he was betrayed.

6. Fear Of Rejection

My Boyfriend Isn't Romantic

Some ladies who were once in a toxic relationship can take their current boyfriend’s romantic acts for granted.

Your boyfriend might be afraid you would trivialize his efforts due to your reactions to some of the romantic things he did for you in the past.

He might also be afraid you will take him for granted if he’s romantic with you.

7. Lack Of Experience

Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t know how to be romantic due to his temperament.

He might be an introvert who is having difficulty expressing himself.

Maybe he never saw his parents being romantic with each other, or nobody has told him that he isn’t romantic.

How Do I Deal With An Unromantic Boyfriend?

8. Communicate Your Feelings

I know it’s a difficult conversation to have with your boyfriend, but you need to tell him.

If you don’t, you will soon start resenting him, which can make you cheat when you meet a romantic guy.

Let him know he’s not satisfying your emotional needs, and tell him what exactly you want him to start doing.

A relationship where you can discuss everything, including difficult things, would not easily be torn apart.

Discuss your needs with him. Don’t assume he knows what to do because he might not.

9. Understand His Perspective

how to get my boyfriend to be more romantic

After communicating your needs, you also need to hear him out.

He might not know he’s not romantic, or maybe he felt you don’t care about things like that.

Listen to him and try to understand his perception concerning the issue.

10. Know Each Other’s Love Language.

That’s why I highly recommend you get the book “the five love languages” by Gary Chapman.

You need to know your love language and inform your boyfriend.

Only when he does things that speak to your love language would you see him as a romantic.

You also need to know his love language.

11. Be Romantic Too

Show your boyfriend how to be romantic.

Be romantic yourself and show him all he’s been missing.

Plan surprise dates, leave thoughtful notes in his pocket, or initiate romantic activities. That way, you are teaching him how to be romantic.

When you are romantic, it will inspire him to reciprocate.

12. Be Patient And Appreciate His Efforts.

Change often takes time, and your boyfriend might need time to adjust to your request, especially when he has no romantic experience.

You should be patient as he tries to become romantic.

He would make mistakes during the learning phase because it’s not something he’s used to.

Appreciate him whenever he makes a romantic move, and let him know you value his efforts.

Frequently Asked Questions

How Do I Get My Boyfriend To Be More Romantic?

Tell him what you want: if your boyfriend isn’t romantic, you can tell him without hurting his feelings.

You might ask how?

Tell him what you want but don’t say he’s not romantic.

If you want him to send you gifts at work, you should inform him about it.

If he observes that doing romantic things for you makes you happy, he will keep doing it.

Avoid resenting him for not being romantic because resentment can quickly destroy the relationship and hinder you from being able to communicate with him effectively.

Show example: you can make your boyfriend romantic by showing him how to be romantic.

He would likely start reciprocating your romantic acts after some time.

Send him surprise gifts at the office or drop a captivating love note in his pockets. With time, he would start doing the same.

Appreciate him often: even when your boyfriend does little romantic things for you, appreciate him.

That would make him realize that you value him.

Appreciation is like fuel to a man. It makes him go the extra mile to make you happy.

My Boyfriend Isn’t Romantic Why?

There are many reasons why your boyfriend is not affectionate. Some of them are listed below:

He had a rough childhood

He doesn’t really like you

He loves someone else

He doesn’t know your love language

He’s insecure about the relationship

He feels showing affection makes him vulnerable

Should I Break Up With My Unromantic Boyfriend?

Before you think of breaking up with him, you need to talk with him first,

Tell him what you want, and then give him time to adjust before you make your final decision.

If you’ve done your best and he doesn’t see the need to make changes, it means he doesn’t care about your feelings, and you shouldn’t be in such a relationship.

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