My boyfriend apologizes but doesn’t change; you might wonder why he behaves that way.
Let me first share a true story.
The first time Alice caught her boyfriend cheating, she was extremely mad at him.
He apologized profusely and acted so remorseful that Alice had to forgive him and continue the relationship. A few months later, he cheated again.
He apologized as if his life depended on it.
He would visit Alice every evening, begging and crying that he was seduced.
Alice forgave him, and he promised it would never happen again
But it was a lie; he didn’t stop cheating.
Your story sounds familiar, right?
Your boyfriend apologizes for hurting you, but he keeps repeating his mistakes, and right now, you don’t know what to do about it.
In this article, we will explore the possible reasons why your boyfriend apologizes but keeps doing what hurts you.
If you’re ready, let’s dive.
My Boyfriend Says Sorry All The Time why?
1. He’s Deliberate
If your boyfriend keeps apologizing but doesn’t change, it means his actions are deliberate, and he’s doing it to hurt you.
He might be silently resenting you without your knowledge.
Your boyfriend’s constant apology means he knows what he’s doing is wrong but keeps doing it because he doesn’t care about your feelings.
2. He’s Not Scared Of Losing You
Your boyfriend might not value you anymore; hence, he’s not scared of losing you.
When a man values you, he will want to do anything to make you happy.
A healthy relationship is founded on communication, where you can share your feelings and use that information to improve the relationship.
If you’ve communicated your feelings to your boyfriend, and he apologizes and does it again, it means he believes you can’t leave or doesn’t care if you leave.
3. He Has Issues With Self-Discipline
Your boyfriend might be having issues with self-discipline, which makes him do things he promised he wouldn’t do again.
For instance, if he keeps cheating after apologizing several times, it could mean his self-discipline is weak, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.
I have counseled many guys who are sad that they’re cheating on their girlfriends but can’t stop because they have issues with self-control.
4. He’s Trying To Quit The Relationship
Your boyfriend might be acting this way because he’s tired and wants you to be the one who would quit the relationship.
Most guys would hardly tell you it’s over. They would rather start acting weird until you get the message and leave.
Your boyfriend might be acting this way to frustrate you in the relationship.
I remember when my ex was cheating, and she was looking for how to quit our relationship.
We were fighting almost every day, and she apologized only for things to get worse.
Eventually, I discovered she was cheating, and that was why she kept acting weird.
5. Lack Of Motivation Or Guidance
It’s possible that your boyfriend doesn’t feel motivated enough to change his behavior.
He may not fully recognize the impact of his actions on you or the relationship.
If he does not see a compelling reason to change, he may lack the motivation to follow through on his apologies.
For instance, he hits you and apologizes he won’t do it again.
If you don’t take strict measures to handle his abuse, he won’t be motivated to seek professional help from a therapist.
He would believe he only needs to apologize, and everything would be fine.
Apology is not enough in the case of domestic violence because the tendency that he would do it again is high.
6. He’s Trying To Manipulate You
If your boyfriend keeps apologizing, he’s trying to manipulate you.
His goal for apologizing might be to shut you up and stop you from investigating the issue further.
He might apologize to you to avoid explanations.
If you notice your boyfriend is always trying to avoid explaining why he keeps acting this way,
But he’s quick to say sorry, it means he’s trying to escape from telling you the truth and trying to manipulate you.
What To Do When Your Boyfriend Apologizes But Doesn’t Change?
7. Communicate Your Feelings
Clearly express your emotions and concerns to your boyfriend.
Explain how his repeated apologies without tangible change affect you.
Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory and focus on how his actions make you unhappy.
Let him know his constant apology for doing the same thing is beginning to get on your nerves.
It might sound harsh, but you have to be honest.
8. Give Him A Chance To Explain
Allow your boyfriend to express his perspective and reasons behind his lack of change.
It can provide insights into his mindset and help you understand any underlying obstacles or challenges he may face.
But if he has nothing convincing to say other than “I’m sorry,” then he’s deliberately doing it because he knows you will forgive him.
9. Set Firm Boundaries With Consequences
You have to set firm boundaries to avoid your boyfriend taking you for granted.
He would keep thinking he can get away with anything if you don’t set boundaries.
Be firm with your boundaries, and don’t compromise your standards.
Ensure your boundaries have consequences when broken, no matter how much he apologizes.
Be ready to enforce the consequences if he disregards your boundary.
For instance, if you’ve forgiven him before for cheating, you can tell him that you will quit the relationship the next time you find out he’s cheating.
If he cheats on you again, it means he doesn’t value you, and the relationship is not worth it.
10. Focus On Self-Care
You have to ensure you take care of yourself and prioritize your mental wellness.
Having a boyfriend like this drives you insane if you’re not careful.
You have to learn to be happy despite your boyfriend’s attitude.
Hang out with your friends and participate in fun-filled outdoor activities.
The more you focus on your boyfriend’s attitude, the more control he has over your mood.
11. Quit If He Doesn’t Work On Himself
You can continue to be with a guy who keeps hurting you and says I’m sorry,” without making real changes.
Such a guy would frustrate you and make the relationship tiring.
His behavior might make you start to resent him, which would cause constant fights in the relationship.
If you’ve tried the above strategies and your boyfriend keeps acting the same way, it’s time for you to move on.
He doesn’t seem to care if you stay with him or not.
If you stay, you might waste your time and regret it later.
Your boyfriend might keep promising you he would change, but don’t fall for it because if he wanted to, he would have made changes before now.
Frequently Asked Questions
What Does It Mean When Your Boyfriend Apologizes But Doesn’t Change?
He’s trying to manipulate you: A guy who keeps apologizing but doesn’t change means he’s not remorseful and only offers the apology before you’re upset or threaten to quit the relationship.
A guy who cares about you won’t continue to do things that hurt you, and when you complain, he would say, “sorry please forgive me,” and then do it again. That’s manipulation.
He has self-control issues: if your boyfriend keeps repeating his mistakes, it might mean his self-control is weak; hence, he does things he ought not to do.
Many guys lack self-control due to their childhood environment.
He’s taking you for granted: Your boyfriend might be acting this way because he thinks he can get away with anything.
He might disregard your boundaries because he feels you can’t do anything about it.
My Boyfriend Apologizes But Doesn’t Change Why?
He’s trying to manipulate you
He doesn’t respect you
He’s taking you for granted
He feels he has you under control
He is looking for a way to quit the relationship
How Do You Know If His Apology Is Sincere?
If he doesn’t do it again. The proof that someone is genuinely sorry is if it doesn’t happen again.
A genuine apology comes with a commitment to change.