My boyfriend doesn’t want me to work, if you are in such a situation this article is for you.
It was a Saturday morning. Alice went to the supermarket to get a few groceries.
As she was shopping, a guy came to her and introduced himself as George. He complimented her beauty and asked for her number, which she gave him.
When she got home that day, he called, and they talked on the phone as if they’d known each other for a long time.
A few months later, he proposed a relationship, and she said yes.
The relationship was rosy at the beginning, but it got to a point Alice started to observe her boyfriend didn’t want her to work.
He always had a problem with any job interview she went for, and when she finally got a job, he started to complain that he didn’t like the job.
He worried that the job would make her cheat on him.
He even offered to pay her whatever she was earning at her job for her to resign, which she did.
Now she is curious to know if she made the right decision.
In this article, I will share the possible reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t want you to work and what you can do about it.
My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Me To Work: Why He Acts That Way
1. Financial Control
Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t want you to work because he wants you to depend on him financially.
Some guys want a girl that is financially dependent on them so that they can control her and limit her freedom.
If you are financially dependent on a guy, you won’t be free to talk to him because you don’t want to offend him.
He can easily mock you with your financial situation whenever you have issues with him.
You won’t be able to buy whatever he doesn’t approve of because you don’t have your own money.
Some guys want a girl that isn’t working to turn her into a slave and make her do whatever they want.
If you are not working, he would start throwing subtle insults at you and might even compare you to other women he believes are more ambitious than you.
Anytime you have issues with him, you would likely beg him because you rely on him financially.
2. Traditional Gender Role
Your boyfriend might have been raised in a traditional environment where the dad was working, and the mom was at home taking care of the kids.
Maybe he grew up believing it’s a man’s job to take care of his woman while the woman takes care of the home.
You won’t blame him in such a situation. It’s a mindset he got from his parents.
However, you can’t easily apply such a mindset in today’s economy, where things are expensive.
3. Fear Of Losing Your Attention
Your boyfriend might be afraid you won’t have time for him anymore if you get a job, which is likely true.
Most jobs take much of your time and could negatively affect the relationship.
Consistent communication is important in every relationship, but if you both have a job, it might be difficult to communicate because you return from work tired.
Before you realize it, the cracks in the relationship would become difficult to mend.
If you have a job, he would see you less often; that could be why he’s scared and doesn’t want you to get a job.
4. He’s Scared Of Losing His Respect
Some guys believe if a woman has her own money, she won’t respect her man.
According to them, if you want a woman to be submissive, she has to depend on you financially.
I don’t agree with such mindsets.
I have seen many men try to ensure their girlfriend doesn’t get a job because they want her to depend on them.
They believe she will be respectful if she keeps depending on them financially.
5. He’s Insecure
It’s possible your boyfriend is insecure and doesn’t trust you.
He might be worried that you would meet someone better at your job and leave him.
There’s also the fear you might become successful at your job, get promoted, and no longer see him in your league.
As weird as it might seem, his reasoning is not completely out of place.
Many women have dumped their long-term boyfriends when another guy they felt was better came along.
His insecurity about you getting a job proves that he doesn’t trust you, which could be due to his past relationship experience.
My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Me To Work: How To Handle The Situation
6. Have An Open And Honest Conversation
You don’t have to shy away from the issue. Ask your man why he doesn’t want you to get a job.
Listen to his concerns, and don’t be quick to dismiss his thoughts because they appear immature.
He might be speaking from the hurt of past relationships and doesn’t want the same thing to happen again.
After you’ve listened, it’s your turn to talk and make him understand you need a job, and it would make you happy if you get it.
7. Address His Concern
There’s a reason why he doesn’t want you to get a job. That’s why you should address it during the conversation.
He might be scared he would lose you to another man, or you won’t care about the relationship if you have a job.
Assure him you will not do what he’s thinking, and your commitment to the relationship will stay the same even if you have a job.
Sometimes men need a little reassurance to put their fear to rest.
8. Consider The Consequences Of Not Working
Consider the negative effects of not working, such as financial dependence, loss of freedom, and reduced self-esteem and decide if you are comfortable with it.
If you are not okay with it, then tell your boyfriend you are going out to get a job.
If you’ve decided you need a job, go job-hunting even if he’s unhappy about it.
Your job and career are entirely your responsibility.
If you don’t want him to work, would he agree? I guess not.
9. Make A Plan
If you decide to work, you should develop a plan to keep the relationship alive despite your jobs.
It will be challenging to maintain the relationship if you both have jobs.
You have to figure out each other’s work schedule and plan around it.
You have to make plans for things like:
When to visit each other?
Can you visit each other at the office?
When do you both get off work?
Would you be able to meet on weekends?
All these questions should be answered when you decide to get a job.
Frequently Asked Questions
What Should I Do If My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Me To Get A Job?
Ask him why: sometimes the reason a guy gives for not wanting you to get a job is petty.
Such as “I don’t want another man to take you away” or “I feel you would meet someone better when you get a job.”
That’s plain B.S.
Ask him why he doesn’t want you to work, and if he gives you flimsy excuses that show he’s insecure, then take the actions below:
Get a job: you are not married to him; your boyfriend can’t tell you not to get a job.
Even if he offers to pay you a monthly salary for not working, it’s likely a trap to make you dependent on him.
Walk away if he insists: A guy telling you not to work is often a sign he’s controlling and possessive.
Most controlling men tend to become violent with time.
If he insists you shouldn’t work, you should walk away before he becomes physically abusive.
What Does It Mean If Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You To Work
He wants to control you
He has low self-esteem
He doesn’t trust you
He wants you to be dependent on him
My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Me To Work. He’s Afraid He Would Lose Me To Another Man. What should I Do?
Your boyfriend being insecure doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get a job or pursue your career goals.
He’s insecure, and that’s not your fault.
You have to go out and get a job whether he likes it.
If he doesn’t trust you to be faithful to him, then you don’t even have a relationship in the first place.