Will he ever marry me, or am I wasting my time:
How do you tell if a man is wasting your time?
Because I’m confused, Lauretta said.
They’ve been dating for three years.
When they first met, she was upfront with Mark about not wanting to be in a relationship unless it was working toward something serious.
At the time, Mark assured her he felt exactly the same way.
Besides the difficulty they’ve had with communication at the beginning, everything in their relationship has been really great.
They’re best of friends. They share the same values and interests and want the same things out of life.
But what’s been bothering her is that Mark literally never talks about the future…to the point that she doubts if they will ever have one.
He used to be so expressive about his feelings for her, but not anymore—like he used to.
Now, she’s greatly worried and wondering: am I wasting my time on him.
And asking herself, “Am I wasting my time in this relationship?”
In this article, I’ll show you 7 clear signs he’s wasting your time.
And it doesn’t matter if you’ve been in a relationship with him for some time or are trying to attract someone new.
But before we dive right into it, here’s a pop quiz for you: What’s one of the best things you can do to attract the right guy into your life?
Let me suggest that one of the best ways to attract the right guy is to quickly dismiss the wrong guys.
I can’t tell you the number of women I’ve talked to who said they wasted three months with the wrong guy, or a year, three, five years…
The question is, how then do you quickly get rid of the wrong guy to make way for the right guy?
Am I wasting my time with him?
7 Signs A Guy Is Just Wasting Your Time
1. Big Praise, Big Pause.
Let me explain:
You two are together.
And everything is going really well. He keeps showing interest in you. You two are getting along and he’s telling you how amazing, special, and gorgeous you are.
He tells you, “Let’s do this again sometime.” And then…
Silence.
He stops communicating with you.
And then, it takes almost forever for him to reach you again.
However, when he eventually reappears, he compliments you and lets you know how busy he became with his work.
Or his family experienced some sort of loss. Or something happened.
You can see why he wouldn’t get in touch with you during that time; it makes sense to you. His sudden disappearance during that season makes sense.
And you wouldn’t mind giving him one more shot. Still, though…
Silence.
You don’t hear from him again.
Big praise followed by big pauses starts to develop as a pattern.
The praise feels so genuine, that it might be misleading sometimes. However, he has a history of failing to deliver on his promises.
Let me explain what I mean.
The most crucial sign of interest for guys is follow-through.
What kind of progression is he making?
“Affection is just a mirage if there is no action.”
Men that like you desire a relationship with you.
They seek out connection. And they’ll figure it out.
He’ll swim in the ocean. He’s going to climb that mountain. He’ll go through that barrier.
And work out a way to be with you.
So, if he isn’t doing any of these, that’s a sign he’s wasting your time.
2. You Don’t Know Where He Stands.
I don’t believe love is supposed to be difficult.
Granted, I understand you’ll confront obstacles along the way. But falling in love with the right person should be a pleasurable experience.
Unfortunately, the opposite is the case for most people.
Sure, there are times when you can be your own worst enemy (that’s a whole other discussion!), but the right man will work with you to make things easier.
You should be very much aware of how he feels about you. No ambiguity whatsoever. It doesn’t have to be complicated, and in fact, it shouldn’t be.
However, if you realize that his actions don’t match his words,
Or he’s hesitant to communicate how he feels (either by refusing to open up or by saying he’s not sure),
You should give the relationship a chance to breathe and see if he returns…
You can say something along the lines of…
“Mark, I really like you. I find you very attractive.
And would really love us to take this relationship to a new level (whatever that means to you).
But I can understand if you’re not ready. It would be best if you had time to figure out what you really want.
And since my time is very precious, I don’t know if I’ll be able to wait for you.
However, if I’m still available by the time you make up your mind, maybe we can get together.”
Don’t even nag him or blame him for not knowing where he stands with you.
And whatever happens, don’t fall prey to being played by a guy who hasn’t yet matured into a man to know what he truly wants.
3. He’s Still Actively Dating.
Now, this greatly depends on how long you’ve been “seeing” each other.
This may or may not be important, but if things are going well and developing smoothly,
But he’s still actively flirting with and SEARCHING for other women while you’re CLOSE OFF to other options,
That’s a huge clue you’re not on the same page.
It might be a misunderstanding of where you both are – or probably due to…
He isn’t ready to become exclusive yet, and you both want different things. Or
You’re no way near what he wants in a woman. And that explains why he’s still searching.
In any case, discuss it and watch how he reacts and feels.
Because when it comes to dating,
it should be a natural development for two people who love each other to become exclusive because there is no interest in anybody else.
Sure, this isn’t always the case (for various reasons.)
So if you see he’s still actively chatting with other women on dating apps after you’ve been together for a while, don’t be afraid to confront him about it.
4. It’s Only You Putting In All The Effort.
Are you the one who constantly initiates a discussion?
Do you set up dates on your own?
Is it always you inquiring about him, his life, and how he’s doing – but he doesn’t seem to care?
If a guy is really into you, he will want to connect with you by asking questions.
He’d truly want to know how you’re doing and become curious about what you’re up to, your interests, and your opinions on various topics.
Take a step back to have a clearer understanding of the situation. Look at what occurs if you don’t put in the same level of work.
Do things come to a halt?
However, to see things as they are and not as you want them to be; you need to give yourself a break.
5. He Says He Doesn’t Want A Relationship.
I’ve said this many times; I think I need to say it again…
If someone says they don’t want a relationship, believe them.
And whatever reasons they give don’t matter. Just take their words for it.
So, it’s possible the guy doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Perhaps, he doesn’t want a relationship at the moment.
Maybe he isn’t financially stable to settle down or emotionally ready. Or he wants to focus on school or his career.
However he says it, it doesn’t matter.
He may have very good reasons, but that doesn’t change anything. He most likely doesn’t have feelings for you. It makes no difference if he doesn’t want to be with you.
Please don’t settle for such a relationship with the hopes that you can change his mind.
After all, if he sees how great I am, maybe he’ll change his mind.
Please don’t do it.
6. He Won’t Let You Into His Life.
If a guy refuses to let you into his life and who he is –especially after dating for some time, take it as a sign he is wasting your time.
And if you’re thinking to yourself, am I wasting my time with him? chances are, you are.
Let’s face it:
A guy interested in you will want to tell you about his life.
He’ll want to invite you into his world and invite you to accompany him on his adventure.
You should pay attention because if the guy you’re seeing isn’t open about talking about himself, there is a reason.
It’s something you really need to reconsider. And trust me, the explanation isn’t pretty.
For example, he may only regard you as a fling and see no need to tell you anything about his life.
Worse, he could be a womanizer who sees other women and does not want to get romantically involved and emotionally attached with anyone.
The truth is:
If he likes you, he would want to share his feelings and life with you.
He won’t hesitate, and the more vulnerable he is about sharing his life with you,
The stronger your bond will become…which could lead to something more serious.
7. He Doesn’t Talk About The Future.
Remember the story I shared earlier in this article?
Lauretta and Mark.
What really made Lauretta bothered was that Mark stopped talking about the future.
Whenever she tells him the city she’d love to stay in or points at a house she likes, he doesn’t say anything. But he used to be very expressive about things like these.
Now, he just nods his head in agreement whenever she says, “I want to spend forever with you.”
It’s frustrating because she thought about looking at schools somewhere else…and her gut reaction was to consider her boyfriend.
But she doesn’t even know if there’s a future to consider.
Discussions about the future are a standard part of being in a relationship – especially when you’ve been exclusive or dating for a while.
Normally, you want to know where he’s headed.
Sure, you don’t want to start arguing over baby names after five weeks of dating or the state you’d love to relocate to…
But if he doesn’t talk about the future at all or he talks about the future without including you in it, that’s a huge signs he’s just wasting your time.
It’s not a big deal if you’ve only recently started dating because it could just be a guy who takes his time rather than rushing in.
For example:
He has a list of places he’d like to visit (not the places you should visit together)
Projects he’s working on and how important they are to him (not the two of you)
The cars he desires (and not where he wants to take you with them)
In fact, if you want to discover if he’s worth your time, encourage him to talk about the future and observe how he speaks and relates to it.
Frequently Asked Questions
How Do You Tell If A Man Is Wasting Your Time?
Here’s an easy test to run in your mind to identify whether it’s big praise or a big pause (red flag) or whether you should keep giving him some more chances.
It’s called the silent movie test.
You remember the old silent movies that are black and white.
And they didn’t have any talking. It was simply music and people running around.
And just based on their behaviors, you could identify the storyline?
Well, turn the last two interactions you’ve had with him into a silent black and white movie in your mind.
And take out what he’s saying and just look at how he’s behaving.
Would you identify his behaviours as someone who really likes you? And if he is, then keep seeing him. But if he’s not, see it as a red flag.
Because what you’re looking for isn’t big praise, big pause, but big praise, big presence.
Because big praise, big pause is a red flag. But big praise, big presence is what you’re looking for…His presence in your life.
What Do You Do When Someone Is Wasting Your Time?
What to do when he’s wasting your time:
Finally, there’s the major question.
So, after reading this article, you recognized signs he’s wasting your time.
What exactly do you do?
Some dating books would have you believe you should never ask for a relationship.
That isn’t true.
According to a survey, 60% of women who got married were willing to walk away if the partner wasn’t ready to commit.
In other words, those women were not afraid to ask for what they wanted.
It demonstrates that you believe you are deserving of love and long-term connection without playing games.
How To Stop Wasting Time (How To Stop Time Wasters)
Some men are jerks, while others engage in psychological manipulation.
Below are reasons men waste women’s time, especially those who are looking for a long-term relationship:
Affirmation of ego
Attachment security
To maintain sex
Sadly, you can’t change anyone. You can’t change a man, but you can make him stop wasting your time.
You need to go from “is he wasting my time” to “am I allowing him to waste my time?”
That’s how never to waste time again.
The ultimate solution is to have a high sense of self-worth.
It’s knowing what you want and believing that you are deserving of it. Don’t settle for the scraps that a guy is willing to toss your way if a commitment is what you want.
Don’t sell yourself the story that you should hold onto the relationship because you’ll never find someone better.
Or that it’s better than being alone.
Granted. It isn’t easy to be single and lonely, but it’s better than being in the wrong relationship.
The choice is yours.
You can have the love you want if you’re clear enough about what you want and don’t waste time on what you don’t.
Final Thought
I’m sorry if the person you’re dating checks multiple boxes on this list.
It’s depressing when something promising never materializes, but trust me when I say it’s for the best.
Alternatively, perhaps this article has convinced you that the person you’re dating is a keeper… but you’re afraid you’re pushing him away.
If that’s the case, keep reading to find out what you should do: Why he pulled away.