“My boyfriend makes me feel like I’m not good enough and keeps pointing out my flaws.”
She said, with tears streaming down her cheek.
Mary’s relationship was toxic from the very start.
So, she was looking for signs he thinks you’re not good enough.
They’ve only been together for four months. And from the get-go, he was open that she isn’t his typical kind of girl (both in personality and looks).
But Mary took it as a compliment.
“This guy loves me – even though I’m not his type,” she thought.
Just a couple of months down the line, she started feeling she wasn’t good enough for him.
Why am I not good enough for him?
Why does he think I’m not good enough?
Why does he make me feel like I’m not good enough for him?
Out of frustration, Mary ponders continuously:
Well, he’s got this “perfect girlfriend” image. And he’s disappointed every time she does something that doesn’t fit into that.
Often, he doesn’t say anything about her actions until much later.
I’ll tell you more about Mary’s story in a moment. But first, the question is…
How do I know if a guy thinks that I’m not good enough for him?
One way to find out is to pay careful attention to how he treats you.
5 Signs He Thinks You’re Not Good Enough
1. He Compares You To Others
“Sometimes, you should try dressing like Janet. She looks pretty.”
“Why can’t you be upbeat, positive, and fun-loving like Rose?”
“I wish your shape (and body) could look like that of Victoria.”
These are signs he wants to change you. And that’s because he thinks you aren’t good enough for him.
Remarks like these have red flags all over them.
Your boyfriend is telling you he wants something more than what you already have.
Any time your boyfriend pits you against another girl, it’s a glaring red flag, babe.
Nothing takes a hit at your self-esteem and security like dating a guy who doesn’t accept you for who you are.
Or who constantly points out something in you that needs to change.
Your man is supposed to love and accept you for who you are.
Think about it this way…
If a guy likes you, he won’t try to change you. Or encourage you to become who you aren’t.
And the truth is, you’re better off being with someone who loves and accepts you for who you are
And does not insist you act to match up with some image of an ideal girlfriend he conjures up in his head.
You won’t feel accepted if he thinks you aren’t good enough. Your man will have little tolerance for your negative qualities, and he may shame and belittle you for them.
2. He Humiliates You
One of the clear signs that a relationship is toxic is that he puts you down.
And contrary to what most people think, things aren’t always black and white.
A lot of women always tell me things like:
…My boyfriend puts me down jokingly.
…My boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself.
…My boyfriend tells me to find someone else when mad
You see, all these are signs he thinks you aren’t good enough for him. Or signs he doesn’t love you anymore.
Your boyfriend could belittle you indirectly in ways that don’t look like criticism, making it difficult to notice.
Additionally, if he does it frequently, you may already not feel like yourself and inadequate on the inside
It results in what’s called the “Abuse Cycle.”
This cycle starts when your partner develops a pattern of putting you down.
They begin to constantly criticize you, excusing their hurtful remarks by claiming that they’re just trying to help you overcome your faults.
So, it’s easy to concur with his insulting comments about you. And since words have power, that is dangerous.
There is a thin line between flirtatious, playful teasing and saying hurtful, demeaning comments.
The thing is…
A little teasing can be good for a relationship. But put-downs can be devastating for your self-esteem.
Of course, psychologists concur that teasing is a vital component of creating healthy relationships.
Couples tend to be more playful with one another as their relationship becomes more personal.
However, the intended result could boomerang since teasing is vague. And besides, everyone doesn’t respond to teasing the same way.
Examples of hurtful teasing:
…Body shaming or name-calling
…Put-downs and insults disguised as jokes
…Jokes that attack your vulnerable and weak spot
…Teasing that humiliates you, especially when said in a public setting
Hurtful teasing makes you feel like you aren’t good enough for him.
Most of the time, our flaws are exposed and must be addressed.
A man can criticize you for your flaws in a way that is encouraging and inspires you to get better, but there is a difference compared to a man who’s doing it out of spite.
If your relationship is healthy, your man will love you as you are.
3. He Wants Something You Can’t Give Him
So, you’re wondering…
Why is my boyfriend always angry with me?
I do everything in my power to make him happy, but I can’t do anything correctly based on his treatment of me.
Or,
What if you’ve already given your best, but your boyfriend still thinks you’re not good enough? What if he wants more, but you have already given your all?
You’ve done everything you can to make your man happy.
And keep the relationship going.
You try as much as possible to be the best girlfriend you can be.
But nothing seems to be working out.
He’s unhappy. He thinks it’s your fault. And he blames you for everything.
He criticizes everything you do and faults you at the slightest opportunity without owning up to his mistakes.
Now, that’s a man who thinks you aren’t good enough.
I want you to understand that his unhappiness has nothing to do with you or what you did or didn’t do.
Most guys have unrealistic expectations of a girlfriend and a relationship.
So, no matter how hard it seems, it may be the right time to realize he wants something you can’t give him.
It could be you aren’t compatible and unable to give each other everything you want and need.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you aren’t a wonderful person and that you won’t make some other man extremely happy one day.
All it means is that this man isn’t meant to be with you.
And you should get out before you get too invested and your heart shattered.
You’re worth far more than a jerk who thinks you aren’t good enough for him!
4. You Don’t Want The Same Things
Let me be honest with you…
“Your relationship will never last if you don’t want the same thing out of life.”
For example, he wants kids, but you don’t.
Or,
He wants to get married and settle down as soon as possible. But you want to pursue your career a few years down the line.
Or,
He wants to settle down in the United States. But you want to move to Africa.
When there’s any kind of division in your relationship, he will think you aren’t enough for him…
…Simply because you want different things out of life.
I know you love your man. And he’s probably the best thing that’s ever happened to you in a long while.
I also know that finding a man you want to date can be challenging to start with.
And once you get to that vulnerable stage where you can fart in front of each other, finish each other’s sentences and all…
It can be hard to see whether this man isn’t good for you in the long run.
You may sincerely want the relationship to work. But unfortunately, love doesn’t conquer all.
Sometimes, love isn’t just enough.
And no matter how heartbreaking it may seem, you can’t wish away the fact that you’re both headed down a different path.
The earlier this reality hits you, the better.
5. He Isn’t Invested
So, this guy used to be all over you.
He always wanted to spend time with you.
Prioritize you and be ready to work things out to ensure you’re happy.
He invested his energy, resources, and time. But now, your man has pulled away.
He doesn’t text you as he used to. Or, he probably doesn’t even reply to your text.
Problem doesn’t get resolved as quickly as before. And it looks as if you’re now the one chasing him.
If a man is no longer interested in being in a relationship, he doesn’t see why he should keep investing in the relationship.
And that’s because he doesn’t feel you are enough for him anymore.
It could be that he’s now interested in someone else.
If he’s checked out on you, take that as a sign that he’s done.
Instead of continuing to invest and chase him, take your things and go.
If he thinks you’re not enough for him to keep putting effort into, then he shouldn’t be enough for you to keep doing it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why Is Nothing I Do Ever Good Enough For My Boyfriend?
Why is he trying to change me?
Well, it isn’t your fault.
Too often, I hear women say something like, “My partner brings me down.”
“My boyfriend makes me feel bad about myself.“
“Nothing I do is good enough for my boyfriend.”
And all that…
But I want you to understand that when your partner makes you feel not good enough, it has everything to do with them and nothing to do about you.
When a guy consistently shows a lack of appreciation, criticizes you, puts you down, fails to acknowledge and give credit where credit is due…
And even compare you with others. Those are warning signs you should never ignore.
And the thing isn’t something you can manage, Of course, unless you want to remain miserable for the rest of your life.
“The right person elevates our best and soothes our worst.”
If you continually feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your man, please know that it’ll never change especially when you’ve discussed it over and over.
The problem is, if he thinks your best isn’t good enough, then your worst is probably too much for him to bear.
I’ve come to realize that vulnerability is the ultimate source of connection in a relationship when exhibited the right way.
But not everyone is ready for your vulnerability.
Some people will even punish you for it.
Some will hurt you when you reveal some things about yourself.
They’d judge, condemn and even leave you.
Anyone who can’t handle for your vulnerability isn’t the right person for you.
That isn’t a teammate you need to go forward with.
Every one of us has our worst moments.
How Do I Get Over Someone Who Made Me Feel Like I Wasn’t Good Enough? All I Ever Did Was Care About Him. Why Did He Never Give Me A Chance?
First, I want you to understand that what happened has nothing to do with you. It was about him.
It isn’t your fault.
Why?
Because your man had images in his head of what he wanted his ideal girlfriend to be, he projected that unto you and the relationship. Sadly, you couldn’t fit into that.
He never gave you a chance simply because he thought you weren’t good enough for him.
In other words, he didn’t care what you did or how much you loved him. He only used you to serve his purposes.
Now, that negatively impacted your confidence. His actions left you feeling unlovable. Not worthy and not good enough.
That’s a lot. And believe me when I say you can’t wish it away or get over it in a couple of days.
Nope.
Going along that path without improving yourself won’t end well in the future.
You will continue to attract the same kind of guys, land in unhealthy relationships, and spend your entire life chasing validation.
You’ve got to learn how to love yourself first. (I can’t stress this enough.)
Find justifications for why you’re loving, deserving of love and praise, and good enough every day as you look in the mirror.
(You can ask friends and family members for help with this one. It’s okay)
jot down those justifications. And remind yourself daily of how amazing you are.
Additionally, keep in mind that you deserve the love you receive as well as the love you offer. In addition, you can find someone.
This Guy I Have An Interest In Thinks I Am Not Good Enough For Him. How Can I Make Him Think I Am Good Enough For Him?
Let me first give you a virtual hug.
Now, I know that no matter what I say or how little of a sense it makes,
You’d probably embark on this suicide mission of trying to change his mind about you and proving him wrong.
But, here’s a sound warning to you. “You must stop yourself from falling into the trap asap.”
I know you probably don’t know but let me show you a few things that are certain here:
1. He will never stop thinking he’s out of your league.
2. He won’t respect you now or ever in the relationship. And that’s worse than him simply not liking you.
3. Trying to be “good enough” for him will only make you lose self-confidence and eventually lead to him taking advantage of you.
4. It shows that you agree with him. And that’s seriously going to diminish your self-worth.
Never try to become someone you’re not for someone else.
Forget about him and move on.
I’m Scared Of Dating Because I Feel Like I’m Not Pretty Enough, Not Good Enough, Not Smart Enough, And Not Interesting Enough. What Should I Do?
You seem to have an issue with your self-esteem.
You aren’t alone.
And the thing about life is that people see you the way you see yourself.
We just can’t help it.
So, I advise you to stay off the dating scene for a while to develop a better self-image and self-esteem.
Because going into the dating scene with low self-esteem sets you up to be preyed upon by others.
You can’t give what you don’t have.
How Can I Make Him Realize My Worth And Get Him To Love Me Again?
A lot of women get this wrong.
You can’t force yourself on a guy and make him change how he treats or feels about you.
It has to come from within. Otherwise, at best, you’re getting him to do something out of guilt, emotional blackmail, or whatever else.
Lasting love doesn’t work that way.
However, to make a guy realize your worth, establish how you deserve to be treated and create boundaries.
I hope you find this article helpful.