Has this ever happened to you?
Juliet looks down at her phone.
Her last text was sent over a week ago.
Nelson has read it, but he still hasn’t replied.
They were chatting super nicely from the start.
They’ve met a couple of times and gone on a couple of dates. And do talk on the phone non-stop.
And then, he started taking more time to answer back.
Until he eventually disappeared altogether.
“Ok, I guess he’s gone.” That’s what she tells herself.
And just when she was starting to really like him.
To fall for him. And go crazy over him.
Now he’s gone. “But he seemed so into me at first,” She said.
She has no idea what happened.
It hurts so much.
Why did he ghost me?
Why do dudes who seem ‘obsessed’ with you suddenly ghost?
Why do guys disappear even when they like you?
Why did he ghost me after a great date?
What made him suddenly go cold?
Why do men ghost women anyway?
These were some of the puzzling questions Juliet desperately wanted answers to.
And if you’re honest, you’ve probably found yourself in a similar situation once or so…
Below are some of the deadly dating mistakes women make and how to avoid them to prevent getting ghosted by the guy you find attractive.
Why Did He Ghost Me? 7 Top Reasons Why He Disappeared
1. He Got What He Wanted From You
He’s got sex from you, so?
Possibly not the first point you expected.
But, I fear this is very common.
“People use people,” right?
Over the years,
I’ve tried to explain to women that men place women in either the potential girlfriend category or the potential sex partner category,
Depending on how you come across from the get-go.
The way you start off a relationship is the way it usually ends.
Let me explain what that means:
A man can have a casual sex relationship with a woman for years.
He can be content with that as long as she is.
He will keep her as a booty call as long as her emotional baggage or emotional input doesn’t outweigh his desire to have sex with her.
On the other hand, when a woman has a casual sex relationship with a man over time, she’ll inevitably become emotionally attached to that man.
This causes problems.
Because she thinks the guy is feeling the same way towards her as she feels towards the relationship.
And since she’s emotionally involved, she expects him to want to make a deeper commitment.
This eventually leads to frustration because the man is getting his basic needs met while she feels unfulfilled.
The truth is, the guy doesn’t even feel he’s done anything wrong because that was the vibe the woman gave him from the start.
So, when you start coming at him, he’s going to say something along the lines of…
“Hey, I like the arrangement we already have.” It benefits me. Why change it now? “
She thinks something could possibly happen between them, but unfortunately, the guy only sees you as a booty call.
So, if you’ve ever said something like, “he ghosted me after sleeping with me.”
“Why did he ghost me all of a sudden?” or
“Why did he ghost me after 3 months?” or
“Why did he ghost me after sleeping with me?” or
“Why do guys disappear after hooking up?” This is probably the reason.
He doesn’t want to get too attached or commit.
When a man sleeps with you, he feels he’s conquered you.
And he disappears when he feels like he’s accomplished what he wanted.
Here’s the kicker…
Ghosting (like a breakup) is tougher when sex is involved.
You feel used and disposable.
If you didn’t take anything out of this first point, go with this…
“Sex will never make a man commit long term.
And the fact that he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he sees the future with you.”
That brings me to this very important point…
2. He’s Great, But You Made Him Extraordinary.
You’ve been on a couple of dates with a guy, and you feel good about everything.
He ticks a few key boxes you want in a man…
He’s attractive, smart, and tall. And whenever you’re with him,
You can’t just stop laughing.
You get that flutter of excitement in your stomach, “wow…this doesn’t happen so often.”
“And the dude’s interested in me,” you think to yourself.
“This guy has potential: maybe this could lead somewhere great! You know…”
“The point you realize that you’re beginning to actually like a guy is one of the most risky times in attraction.
Because it’s so easy to mistake the REAL man you’re seeing for an idealized version of him when you’re attracted to a guy.
You forget that he isn’t perfect.
And that there’s a lot you don’t yet know about how he would be in a serious relationship.
And yet…so many women (even strong women) sell themselves on a man’s potential instead of giving him time to live up to it.
I’ve discovered that when most women meet a guy with 30% of the things they are looking for in a partner,
They automatically project the other 70% to make him seem like the 100% perfect man.
Here’s why it’s a bad idea.
Prematurely falling in love with a man might cause a woman to act in ways that are needy and out of character.
She ignores when he does things she disapproves of.
She goes along with everything on his terms because she’s afraid of losing him.
She ignores warning signs and focuses on how she feels about him.
She devalues herself in conversation and boosts his ego.
Instead of qualifying him too quickly, see this dude exactly as he is NOW, not how you would like him to be in the future.
So, if you’ve ever wanted to know why people ghost – and how to overcome it? Or what to do when a guy ghosts you?
Keep this in mind:
To avoid this trap, I want you to note down and always remember this maxim:
“Never invest in a guy based on how much you like him.
Instead, invest based on how much he invests in you.”
If you follow those words, you’ll never lose your self-respect in the name of chasing a man who has not yet proven himself to you.
By the way, one really important habit for your own self-respect is to acknowledge when a guy does something wrong.
If he lets you down for a date at the last minute,
Then instead of just brushing it off, text him back and say, “Are you always this flakey?”
This method of calling him out lets him know you’re not going to let disrespectful behavior slide.
You set the standard and then let him live up to it.
Attraction can blind us to the warning signs in front of us.
Save yourself time by falling for the man in front of you, not a version of what you want him to be.
It’s also possible that he ghosted you after 2 or 3 months because….
3. You Were Too Scared Of Getting Hurt.
Let’s be honest here:
Most women have had terrible experiences at some point with a guy.
Perhaps, you’ve come across men who have lied to you in the past or cheated.
Maybe you’ve had a guy showered you with affection, attention,
Promises and affection…only to fade out and “ghost” you a few months into the relationship.
So now, every time you meet a new man who excites you,
You feel a terrible pain in your stomach.
“What if he’s just like the others?” you think to yourself.
You get so worried that you’ll be fooled again that you engage in destructive behaviors with this new guy.
Some good examples:
You pressure him too early to say whether he wants something serious with you.
You express a negative view of men in general,
Or “play the victim” by always talking about how you’ve been hurt in the past.
You act suspiciously and jealously as if he can’t be trusted.
All of these things can poison your chances of keeping this guy interested.
Why would a guy ghost me after chasing me for months? You ask…
It’s because men –in general – need to feel a sense of freedom and trust to feel comfortable getting deeper into a relationship.
No strong, confident man wants to constantly reassure an insecure woman who is always afraid of losing him.
If you want to keep a guy interested, you need to let go of that fear and focus on bringing nothing but fun,
Optimistic energy and good emotions on those early dates.
And no, this isn’t about lying about your pain and past hurt.
It’s about showing that you are moving forward and aren’t going to burden a new relationship with these painful experiences.
There’s a time to open up later (which I strongly suggest),
But at the beginning, make sure the side this guy sees of you is your absolute best!
Here’s a caveat:
It could also be that the guy is afraid of getting hurt.
So, do guys ghost if they are scared?
The answer is YES.
4. You’re Focused “Labeling The Relationship” Instead Of Giving Value.
What do I mean?
Ever seen a personal trainer who immediately wants to sign you up for the next 13 sessions before you’ve even had one? Ugh.
Have you ever seen a new employee who immediately makes a ton of demands before they’ve even proved their worth to the organization?
My point is, that people only want to commit to something AFTER they’ve seen the value of having it in their life.
At some point, every guy has noticed a woman’s dating profile who writes in her personal bio,
“If you don’t want anything serious, then don’t bother messaging.”
The problem with such an ultimatum is that it focuses on telling a guy what you want from him instead of focusing on WHY you’re amazing for him.
So, how do you become the woman he’s hooked on? By making him feel the right emotions.
Excitement and fun
You’re much more likely to get a guy hooked if you shift focus to being the woman he never wants,
To leave instead of making him think you’re the woman who he can never get rid of.
Then, when the time is right, if he still hasn’t said,
“I want us to be exclusive,” you say something along the lines of…
“I like you, so even though I’m really enjoying hanging out with you, I don’t want to keep getting invested if we are just being casual.”
Notice here how you make it a statement, not a question.
You don’t ask him, “where is this going?” because that’s passive and leaves it out of your control.
You want to be certain and tell him the standard if he wants to keep going with you.
Instead of focusing on locking him down quickly,
Focus on being an indispensable presence in his life
Then you’ll find he’s the one who won’t be able to imagine life without you.
5. You Didn’t Keep Any Mystery.
This isn’t what you think.
Does being a mystery mean playing “hard to get” or acting like the aloof ice queen standing at the corner of the bar with a stern gaze?
Being a mystery isn’t about being guarded and never letting your vulnerability show.
Mystery simply means: letting a guy into your world gradually.
You want to be the Rubix Cube that he still has to solve.
When a Rubix Cube is out of order, people have a desire to play with it until they work it out.
But once it’s solved, they put it down.
Don’t be the Rubix Cube he can solve within the first month of dating you.
Here’s what I mean…
A few days ago, a pretty lady messaged me on Messenger. So we got chatting.
For the records, I don’t know her from Adam.
I only replied to her message because I thought she was one of those clients who wanted my help…
Only for me to be taken aback by her chat.
She literally told me about her life history within five minutes of chatting with her
Her past negative experiences with men.
How she’s broke and needed financial assistance. How she’s starving of love and affection and can’t wait to love again And all…
In those few minutes, I was gasping for fresh air.
The conversation was draining and choking. I almost passed out.
Guess what I did?
“I went offline and ghosted her.”
Even though she left messages for me every day after that first encounter, I never replied to any.
That’s what you get when you’re too forward.
On the other hand, if she had told me all of her issues later on,
Maybe, just maybe we would have remained friends.
Now, here’s something very important you need to understand.
None of this is about manipulating a guy.
Unfortunately, most women take it to the extreme.
They mistake being a mystery for playing games.
They think the best way to be mysterious is to keep a guy in the dark,
Ignore his texts, or try to play with his emotions to make him want her more.
This isn’t mystery; this is manipulation.
Getting a guy to REALLY WANT you is about making him see how amazing you are whilst still making him feel like there is always more to discover.
That’s the real essence of long-term attraction.
Here’s another reason why men ghost women…
6. He Feels There’s No Chemistry.
In modern dating, most men don’t see any reason to continue seeing or talking with you when they feel there’s no chemistry…
Because they have lots of options out there to choose from
It’s like a disposable mindset.
Apps like Tinder emphasize looks versus real qualities like personality.
So when you get matched with someone, and you’re not “vibing” from the get-go,
He gets rid of you and just gets right back online without considering giving it a chance.
Sadly, most men give up too quickly before really assessing the chemistry factor.
Here’s what to do if a man ghosts you because of this…
Instead of feeling terrible about yourself and wondering why he ghosted you,
Understand that chemistry and attraction are built over time in a long-term relationship…
And cannot develop in a one-off chat or conversation
Peradventure, if you come across someone who believes it’s either there or not,
Then the only thing you can do is bid them goodbye and say, “Next!”
7. He’s A Serial Dater
Let’s face it:
Some guys exclusively date one woman at a time,
Which is known as monogamy. Others date more than one woman at once.
These men like to explore multiple options
Imagine what happens when he sees five women at a time. Obviously,
He’s going to end up with divided attention, right?
That means he will most likely give you the shaft especially if he chooses to pursue a relationship with someone other than you.
That’s why you must clearly communicate your standards from the beginning.
You can tell him:
You date only one person at a time and
You’re looking into your options to see what more is available.
This makes him understand the kind of person you are.
That you two are in agreement by so doing eliminating the need to mislead you or ghost you.
But here’s something very important you need to understand:
“It’s impossible to control everything a man does when dating.
So, don’t even think of blaming yourself when things go wrong.”
Because it’s very tempting to beat ourselves up when someone doesn’t want us back
But the fact remains, men can stop chasing for all kinds of personal, strange, and usual reasons you can’t control.
However, the interesting news is…
That’s why I took my time to uncover these simple shifts that women can control to prevent you from becoming a ghosted girl.
And once you begin to make these tiny shifts, you’ll find that men are attracted to you –like bees are attracted to honey.
Now, back to the question:
What is ghosting in dating?
Let’s get to the root of the problem with ghosting:
Ghosting is a relatively new chatty term.
It refers to suddenly cutting off contact with someone you’re dating or considering dating,
Without giving them any warning or explanation for doing so.
Due to the ease with which technology is used as the main form of contact in today’s dating landscape,
Ghosting has grown significantly in importance.
Instead of letting them know that you’re not interested in them, you can just block them.
Remember that depending on the reason they left, some men who ghosted you might return.
Like I mentioned, don’t take ghosting personally.
Men disappear for reasons that are most times not your fault.
Realize how fantastic of a catch you are.
You deserve to be loved, cherished, and cared for. Your ideal partner is on the way to you right away!
Ever been ghosted?
Share your experience to inspire other women.