Want to know something interesting?
The romantic phase is one of the most dangerous parts of an entire relationship.
The phase where you feel completely crazy over someone
Let me explain…
When we’re attracted to and feel this crazy burst of passion for someone,
We want to see them as much as possible.
There’s almost no limit to how much time we could spend with them.
We want to see them, be with them, talk to them, be around them more and more…
So, what we do is, we begin to try and rush through the early stages of the relationship.
At this stage, we feel the need to speed up because of the chemicals racing through our bodies.
We don’t want moderation. We want to do everything.
We ignore warning signs, justify their destructive behaviors, and just want to rush through and get married.
And it’s extraordinarily dangerous.
Here are signs you’re rushing into marriage and why you shouldn’t.
11 Signs You’re Rushing Into Marriage
1. No Time To Build Friendship
That’s one of the signs you’re rushing into marriage.
Let’s be honest:
Genuine love and relationship take time to develop. It’s a process.
You see, it’s similar to enjoying a sweet treat. You should take your time and relish each bite.
But if you rush through the various phases of intimacy,
You run the risk of sacrificing the foundation that will support a long-lasting, secure, and stable relationship.
When you rush to plan a future with your man, you run the risk of ending the relationship before it has a chance to blossom.
And that’s exactly what happened to me a few months ago.
The question I asked myself was…
Why do some women want to get married quickly?
I met Joan April 1 2021.
She’s such a pretty girl. I liked her. And we clicked instantly.
We frequently started seeing each other around June.
Went out on dates at least once a week and talked on the phone daily.
I was just getting to know her.
The chemistry was pretty intense, and the connection was strong.
Honestly, I was ready to settle down with her (in the long run) because I really liked her.
But there was a problem.
She never accepted to date me except on one condition. Which was…
“Unless I was ready to get married immediately.”
She insisted that we get married by December.
That was already a red flag for me. And besides, even though I really liked her, how was I supposed to get married to a girl I barely knew?
You may be wondering…
So, what’s wrong with rushing into marriage?
After all, you are in love with this person.
You find them attractive. There’s chemistry and connection.
So, why wait forever?
I’ll be the first to admit it.
The thrill of getting married is quite magical.
There’s that special feeling of walking down the aisle with your man.
You begin living together. You wake up beside him.
Have constant sex, raise your own family.
Now, let’s back off to reality.
I wish it were that easy. If you doubt me, ask those who rushed into it.
Marriage isn’t that simple.
A lot goes into selecting your life partner.
And besides, the marriage decision isn’t one you make with your emotions because marrying poorly would cost you years of heartache and misery.
There are dangers of rushing into marriage too quickly.
And I’ll tell you some in a moment.
2. You’re Head-Over-Heels In Love
This is the most obvious sign you’re rushing into marriage.
How does it feel when you’ve been pining to feel loved the whole time?
You’ve been in and out of a couple of relationships but never really had any man who made you feel so special, wanted, and cherished…
And the way you so desired.
Someone you really connected with- on an emotional level.
But along the line, you come across this cute guy…
With a great personality
Who not only elicits those tingling butterflies feelings in your stomach you’ve been dying to experience all along…
But you also feel strong chemistry and intense attraction…
The kind you’ve never felt all your life.
He makes you laugh. Buys you flowers…
Always want to hear your voice and how your day went…before he goes to bed.
Tells you how beautiful and charming you are… and takes you out on dates every time.
He does little things for you…and knows exactly how to turn you on.
He kinda ticks all the right boxes.
You think, “Wow…this doesn’t happen often.”
And then, within the span of a very short time, you fall for him.
You would want to do anything and everything to hold on to him no matter what, right?
Even though you’re only getting to know each other, you can get overly enthusiastic about moving on to the next phase.
You want to get married ASAP!
You allow the butterfly feelings to make you ignore obvious red flags in front of you that you’ll later regret.
Sadly, the things women complain about three years into marriage were obvious three months into dating but they chose to ignore it….
3. You Bring Up Exclusivity Too Soon
Too many women make this mistake.
Instead of getting a guy hooked by showing him how amazing they are, too many women focus so much on telling a guy what they want from him.
They give guys an ultimatum way too soon.
This makes men flake on them, ghost them or even run away.
Let’s be honest…
It is the twenty-first century.
Everyone is free to go on dates (I didn’t say sleep around).
Take their time and test the waters before committing to becoming exclusive.
Get to know the person before bringing up the subject of marriage.
After a few dates, you shouldn’t start pressing for commitment.
Being exclusive is reasonable, but only after establishing a certain level of comfort, trust, and friendship.
People only want to commit to you after seeing the value of having YOU in their lives.
To avoid men from ghosting or disappearing on you by rushing things too soon, you’ve got to stop talking about becoming exclusive on the third date.
Take things slowly. Get to know your potential partner and vice versa.
4. You Don’t Know His Friends And Family
You aren’t just getting married to the guy. You’re also getting married to his family.
I wish this wasn’t true. But it is.
The girl I had a strong connection with but didn’t want to date me?
Yeah. She took things seriously too soon.
Here’s what I mean…
In her mind, I probably was “the one.”
Don’t get me wrong. I really liked her. And I thought she was “the one,” too.
But the catch was that we were only three months into seeing each other.
She didn’t talk much about her family, let alone introduce me to them.
And each time I tell her to say hello to my brother whenever we’re talking on the phone, she’d blatantly refuse.
Yet, she wanted us to get married. Can you imagine that?
Unbelievably, this is a telltale sign of rushing into marriage.
We were drawn to one another, and she met some criteria of my life partner. I actually imagined being married to her eventually.
But I wanted to take the time to create a strong friendship and relationship.
And in my opinion, that strategy is far superior to getting ahead of ourselves.
Here’s the thing…
If you’re already discussing marriage but haven’t taken the time to know his friends and family, you’re probably heading towards the rocks.
That’s not the proper approach for someone who wants a lasting marriage relationship.
5. You Don’t Hold Meaningful Discussions
Yet you want to get married.
By the way, what do you even talk about in your relationship?
Sadly, what most women do in a relationship is just sex. Nothing more…
Most people don’t see it this way, but relationships are all about communication.
If you haven’t had an opportunity to have a meaningful talk with the person you’re considering getting married to,
How can you be sure you’re making the right choice?
Communication reveals the true content and intent of a man’s heart.
As I mentioned earlier, dating time is data collection time, not mating time.
You collect data about your partner through meaningful conversations.
It allows you to conclude whether they’re a good fit for you.
You’ll learn from your conversation their values, beliefs, and mindset about important issues in life and even their goals.
It is also vital you both get naked in your conversation. Don’t hide anything.
Talk about the hard stuff. The things most people run away from.
…Money and finance
…Conflict resolution etc.
Basically anything you need to be aware of and address beforehand.
If you can’t talk about and respond to these concerns but still want to get married, you’re moving too quickly.
6. Your Partner Hasn’t Achieved Their Life Objectives.
Joan wasn’t interested in my goals.
All she cared about was what she wanted…
From the get-go, I was honest with her about everything.
When we met, I was just starting to build my online business.
So, I told her about the financial implications of entrepreneurship as a startup.
We all know how the journey can be rough and tough.
And I asked her to give me a little time (specifically, a year) to build things up and put myself in a better financial position.
Yet, she insisted we get married.
Let me ask you…
Are you only interested in what you can get?
Has your partner walked the talk?
It’s easy to make promises here and there. But promises aren’t enough. You need to observe his pattern.
Is he working towards his dreams?
Does he even have any?
Having goals and desires is one thing, but achieving them is another. As the saying goes, “ideas are easy, but execution is hard.”
It takes a lot of hard work and determination to turn dreams into reality.
You’ve got to give your partner some time to figure things out instead of rushing him into marriage, why not support him?
7. You Are Scared Because Of Your Biological Clock
Joan was already 29 as at the time we met.
So, she was desperately concerned about her biological clock.
I understood her situation.
People around her were likely getting married and starting families.
Perhaps, her parents were on neck too.
Any woman may be motivated by this alone to rush into marriage and start a family.
Still, it isn’t enough to rush things…because they won’t be there to suffer the consequences of your hasty decision.
8. You’re Scared Of Your Safety
Your relationship is backed by selfish motives.
This is another sign you’re rushing into marriage too quickly.
You’re aware your man has great potential. And maybe he’s rich, too. So you want to close the deal as soon as possible.
You’re insecure because you’re not married and fear that your partner will meet someone else if something isn’t done soon.
This is unquestionably one of the wrong reasons to marry.
9. You Discover New Information About Them And Are Stunned.
You may think you know your partner thoroughly,
But there is a good chance you don’t. This is one of the main reasons you shouldn’t rush into marriage.
Have you seen him when he’s upset, hurt, angry, or vulnerable?
If yes, then how does he behave?
How does he treat people who don’t quite agree with his point of view?
Undoubtedly, learning new facts about your partner (and each other) can be quite exciting.
However, you are rushing the process if you are already talking about getting married before you know more about him.
And it’s why rushed marriages fail.
Sure, you can’t possible know everything about a person.
But you need to know him well enough to be confident about spending the rest of your life with him.
10. There Is Pregnancy In The Equation
Henry was dating Susan.
One of the days Henry came visiting, they had sex. A few weeks later, she was pregnant.
Now, Susan doesn’t want her pregnancy to burst into the open…because that could be the end of her membership in her church choir.
Besides, what would people say? What about her friends and family?
And even society.
There are a lot of rushed-into marriage regrets. This is one of them.
The fear of disgrace, shame, and expulsion from the church or family members force most women to rush into marriage way too soon.
Now, let’s be clear here.
This means that as much as you wouldn’t want to live with your partner (at least, not at this moment), you have no other choice but to hurry and marry them…
Especially if it’s against your religion, even if you aren’t ready
11. You Don’t Have A Stable Source Of Income
What do you think marriage is about?
Wrong! It’s about meeting needs. And sexual need is just about 5% of it.
Marriage is about taking and meeting responsibility.
And money is primarily involved. You don’t run a home with sex or love.
You run it with money.
I often hear romantics claim that love is enough…or money can’t buy love.
You may have even said that yourself.
The truth is money has the power to either make or break a relationship.
In fact, finance is one of the major causes of divorce after cheating.
Americans said they have financial disagreements with their significant other at least monthly, according to a 2018 Northwestern Mutual study on personal money matters.
Among those surveyed, 41% said financial anxieties sometimes impact the relationship with spouses/partners.
As I was researching to write this article,
I came across some stats that probably may interest you,
So you understand that you can’t relinquish the financial responsibilities of building a home.
You can’t wish it away.
You need a stable source of income before thinking about getting married.
Unfortunately, most women rush into marriage without considering this factor.
$233, 610….The cost of raising a child to age 17 in the United States, according to a U.S. Department of Agriculture report released July 1, 2021.
Considering inflation and the rising cost of schooling, healthcare,
And other basic needs, that figure is projected to be around $284,570 for a middle-income, married-couple family of two children.
Yes, you read that correctly…$284,750 (savology.com)
As I said, these figures were released in 2021. And with the current inflation in the world, those figures would double in 2022.
So, you can see it isn’t getting any funny.
5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Rush Into Marriage
12. You Partner Could Become Someone You Didn’t Expect
Lucy thought her husband was such a sweet and loving gentleman.
But just a few months after their wedding, the ugly side of his personality became obvious.
By then, she already had a baby.
She noticed that he gets violent and was extremely controlling, too.
Considering that you’ve been on multiple dates with him, you might think you know him too well.
Alternatively, you may have experienced a few vulnerable nights with him, but you can’t learn everything about him at once.
It takes a lot of time and effort to truly know your man. Furthermore, there is no fast way to any of it.
A girl generally overlooks warning signs when she attempts to enter marriage too early.
She later understands, however, that her man had been maintaining a pretense of charm and tenderness all along.
Unfortunately, Lucy is now divorced with a daughter to care for all by herself.
13. You Might Repeatedly Find Yourself Single
Remember Joan, right?
She messaged me about three days ago (at the time of writing this), saying,
“Nelson, ever since, you didn’t even bother to check up on me. It isn’t fair.”
Before we stopped talking in September last year, she started giving attitude and many excuses. She even stopped answering my calls.
Even when I left WhatsApp messages for her, she never replied to them after reading them.
So, when I noticed she did it twice, I moved on with my life. I told her to forget about the whole dating thing
During the same period, she started posting pictures of herself and some guy on her status.
But from the content of our conversation a few days back, it’s obvious she’s single again.
There’s a big lesson here that I want you to get.
You can’t rush a guy into getting married to you.
The more you push him, the more he’ll feel the need to quit because he’s under pressure.
Imagine how frustrating it would be to spend so much time and energy searching for the person you believe to be the one and only for you, only to find out they aren’t the one.
Imagine the six months Joan wasted trying to pressure the other guy to marry her.
This was the same girl I told to give me just a year.
And guess what?
It’s already a year since we first met. And she’s 30 already. The same girl that said she can’t wait to get married before 30
Now she is stuck in a never-ending circle… becoming caught in a cycle of meeting new people, rushing them, scaring them out, breaking things up, or getting dumped.
Stop trying to rush into marriage too quickly to avoid becoming trapped in this pattern.
14. Divorce Isn’t A Joke
You have to look carefully before you carelessly leap into marriage.
Because the most stressful and terrifying experience after death is divorce.
And besides, divorce doesn’t leave anyone the same – including your innocent kids.
Not only does divorce leave you emotionally broken, bitter, and bruised, but getting a divorce is emotionally taxing, too.
It can drain your bank account as well.
In fact, it costs about $15,000 on average to get divorced in the United States.
While we cannot put a price tag on the benefits of leaving a toxic or undesirable relationship,
The very institution of marriage is built upon the notion that you will be together forever.
So, never rush into marriage because it isn’t something you can easily take back.
Save your heart and your kids from this horrible heartbreak.
15. Your Insecurity Won’t Go Away
Most women think marriage can solve their loneliness, financial or insecurity problems.
Sorry, darling. It won’t. Not now. Not ever.
If you’re in a hurry to walk down the aisle, thinking your insecurity issues will magically go away afterward, you will end up disappointed.
Because marriage amplifies your weaknesses and insecurities.
The same things you’re running away from will catch up with you big time.
Kind in mind:
You must understand the significance of accepting and loving yourself in order to feel whole and complete. Sadly, no one can assist you with that.
And again, the love that you have for yourself will determine the love you can receive.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is There A Right Time To Get Married, Exactly?
There could be, according to certain studies.
Professor Nicholas Wolfinger of the University of Utah looked at data from the National Survey of Family Growth between 2006 and 2010.
He discovered that a significant predictor of divorce is the couple’s age at marriage.
When compared to women who get married at age 20, women who marry at 27 have a divorce rate that is nearly 50% lower.
He ended by stating that getting married too young can be a problem.
He reiterated that the majority of young couples just lack the copying mechanism, maturity and social support necessary to make a marriage succeed.
Teenagers and people in their early 20s lack the resources needed for successful resolutions when faced with common marital issues.
Therefore, emotional maturity is a key deciding element.
According to a British study, women become emotionally mature at 32, which is a startling 11 years earlier than men, who become emotionally mature at 43.
The average age of marriage is also rising, reaching 27 for women and 29 for men in 2013, up from 26 and 23 for men and women,
Respectively, in 1990, indicating that our generation is actively rethinking its connection to the institution of marriage.
According to the Ministry for National Statistics, the average age for heterosexual marriage nowadays is 35 for women and 38 for men.
I Am Terrified About Getting Married. What Should I Do?
Go for knowledge.
Yes, use your singlehood to prepare and develop yourself.
“The man who is prepared is seldom afraid of anything.”
Too many women marry without knowing what they’re getting into. Preparation will help you avoid that.
Knowledge and preparation bring confidence.
How Do I Decide That I Am Ready For Marriage?
The thing about marriage is that it requires HARD WORK.
Okay, I know you hear this often. But do you understand what it means? Because most people don’t.
So, it isn’t really about when. It is about what?
What kind of a person do I need to become to be truly ready for marriage?
Am I mentally mature enough to handle the conflicts and responsibilities of marriage?
Do I have a stable source of income?
Do I understand men?
Am I a loving and caring person?
Do I fear God – if you’re the religious type?
Have you met someone you love?
Have you taken enough time to know him?
There are many boxes to tick, but the list above can give you a little nudge in the right direction.
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