Is my boyfriend using me financially
My boyfriend is draining me financially: Is he just using me or what?
Yeah, he says he loves me. But this really doesn’t feel right.
He recently moved out of his apartment and into mine – without any prior discussion. And before now, he used to pay $1,000 a month in rent plus utilities.
So, I asked him if he could contribute $500 a month to help with the bills because I pay $3 500 for both rent and utilities.
He became upset…
Saying it wasn’t fair that he had to pay that much since I make a lot more money than him. And besides, he’s trying to save up money so he can quit his $60,000/year job and go back to school.
Since I could easily rent out my second bedroom for $1,500 a month, I suggested we rent it out.
My boyfriend got pissed about it.
What I don’t really get is…
He expects me to cover everything so he can save his money simply because I make five times what he makes.
I even tried to explain to him that I’d gladly support him when the time came if he wasn’t making as much, but as long as he had a good job, I expected him to contribute.
As you might probably guess, it didn’t go well for him.
Funny enough, he’s only paid about $200 over the last two months.
And since we started dating – over the last two years – I’ve paid at least 90 per cent of all nights out, taxis, meals and all…
Just last weekend, something happened that made me start to question…
Is he using me for money?
Because he was the one that paid for the cab we took. It was $40. And that’s because I didn’t have any cash on me at the time.
Yesterday, to my surprise, he texted while he was at work asking if I could give him $20 for half of the cab ride.
And it really bothered me.
Is my boyfriend using me financially, Selena asked?
How do you know if your boyfriend is using you for money?
A lot of women are asking the same question daily, perhaps you, too.
These days, men date women solely to make money.
How to tell if a man loves you or is using you: it is hard to tell, right?
Is my boyfriend using me financially: (13 signs a man is using you for money)
1. He First Handles The Bills.
They say that one good deed is rewarded with another.
When you first meet, a guy will be nice – a complete gentleman – before he gets his hands on your money.
He’ll insist on paying for any expense that comes up..
They’ll pay for everything until you show interest, and then — bam! They reveal who they really are.
But at first, it can be difficult to tell if the person is a true gold digger because he’ll often put on a full-court press to impress and win you over.
They will go to great lengths to entice you to fall in love with them.
Don’t get me wrong: just because a man proposes to cover your bills doesn’t mean he’s looking to take advantage of you.
However, if a guy is interested in a long-term relationship with you for monetary reasons,, this is what it means.
He entices you at first with his sweet and kindhearted gestures, encouraging you to relax and trust him since he believes he’ll recover his investment over time.
Pay attention to what he does later in the relationship – that will give you signs he is taking advantage of you financially.
2. He Always Has Financial Emergencies Or Difficulties.
I don’t know of any more compelling way to request financial assistance than to begin with stories – sad stories.
It’s not an accident.
He could even claim that he misplaced his credit card and needs money to deal with an emergency.
How many of his relatives and friends have you assisted in their time of need?
He takes money from you and promises to repay it, but the money is never returned. You’ve never heard of these relatives and friends unless there’s a financial emergency.
Your boyfriend may not outright beg for money, but these talks are intended to encourage you to provide finances so that he may carry out his objectives.
You can be financially and emotionally drained by dating a gold digger.
Debbie, who got dumped by her boyfriend, wrote me saying:
“My gold digger boyfriend asked me to lend him money that his best friend had an accident and needed money so badly and urgently….since he hadn’t received his monthly pay. Till tomorrow, I’ve never heard or seen that injured friend or the $2,000 he borrowed from me.”
Your boyfriend appears to be concerned about these individuals and is always willing to assist them.
But think about it, why does that assistance have to come from your wallet?
Please don’t ignore these scheming ways because they are one of the key characteristics of a gold digger.
3. You Begin Sponsoring Him.
One telltale sign a man is using you for money is that he will gradually coerce you into financing his basic necessities without asking or expecting to reimburse.
It won’t happen overnight; he’ll research your habits and present them to you as a suggestion to support until you agree.
He would persuade you to plan vacations, take him to cinemas, shopping and other activities you had planned. And since you aren’t aware, you might end up sponsoring his loved ones without even realizing it.
Have you seen the movie “Acrimony?”
It was a 2018 psychological thriller produced by Tyler Perry.
In that movie, Lyriq Bent manipulated Taraji Henson – his girlfriend, into sponsoring his college debts and dreams with the money her parents left for her.
His tactic was very subtle. She thought she was doing it of her own volition.
Nope. She was being manipulated.
It was a simple suggestion.
Like, “I’m confused. I really don’t know how to pull through my final exams without paying my school fees and project work. And I can’t graduate without it. I don’t know what to do.”
See, he never told her point-blank to pay. He knew she loved him. And was willing to do anything for him to succeed.
4. You Start Paying All The Bills.
Remembered the story I shared earlier?
The boyfriend moved in without any prior notification or discussion.
And before you know it, Debbie started paying all his bills – including hers.
That’s one sign a man is a user. It’s one of the signs you are dating a gold digger.
“My boyfriend values money more than me,” Debbie said.
See, when you’re dating a gold digger, he uses soothing and sweet words to persuade you to assist him Till he is able to reclaim his financial footing.
They may even give excuses like Debbie’s boyfriend did.
Without even realizing it, you start to pay for everything – his bills – phone, rent, electricity etc. without any intentions of paying it back.
They have an entitlement mentality.
Depending on the circumstances, he may use emotional blackmail to compel you to pay for stuff without requesting them.
Some women want to know how to say no to boyfriend asking for money. But the truth is, it can be hard to say no –especially when you love this person – and aren’t aware of their tactics.
It helps to keep an eye on this behaviour.
5. He May Be Unemployed And Even Lies About His Job.
What information do you have on the person you’re dating?
Have you ever double-checked his information?
Your gold-digger boyfriend may have presented himself as a successful individual, and you blindly trusted him.
Have you ever been to his place of business?
You’ve had setbacks in your career, but you’ve persevered in getting back on track.
How much time and effort is your boyfriend devoting to his recovery?
Some unemployed boyfriends act like parasites, refusing to do anything about their situation as long as they have girlfriends like you to support them.
He may be only in it for the money.
Do a background check on him.
You may be asking, “Should I help my boyfriend financially.”
I’m not saying you shouldn’t help him if he’s struggling financially. However, make sure you aren’t sponsoring his laziness and lack of determination.
Whenever you inquire about his finances, he ignores you or tries to avoid the topic.
“What is it about my money that you are always interested in?” “Can’t we talk about something else?”
…Are typical responses from a man who is only interested in the money.
He isn’t honest about his job and gives contradictory answers about his finances.
Please, let me quickly say this:
There’s nothing wrong with dating a man who is struggling financially. But be careful.
6. He Isn’t Emotionally Available.
A man who is with you primarily for financial reasons will not have time to be emotionally available to you.
He leaves as soon as he gets the money. He’ll always find a reason to be somewhere else, with someone else, or deal with one of his many problems.
If you express dissatisfaction with something, he may say a few words and then leave you to rest for a while.
There will be no one to listen to you speak or discuss your day. He won’t be there to make you laugh or cheer you up when you’re down.
7. He’s Careless
There’s a popular adage that says, you place more value in something when you pay for it.
When you don’t spend your money on anything, you assume that others will replace it when something goes wrong.
This is the typical behavior of a man who is only interested in your money acts.
He will mistreat them or squander money because he isn’t paying for things and isn’t working for money.
If anything gets broken or damaged, and you get it fixed, he’ll reassure you by telling you it’s not a big deal.
That’s a sign he doesn’t love you, no matter how minor it is.
Should a woman give a man money?
Sure. There’s nothing wrong with a woman giving a man money… or paying for stuff sometimes. But make sure he knows the value.
8. He Gets Angry When You Say NO.
Your gut will make you second-guess your decision on some days.
“Should I help my boyfriend financially?” “Is it good to keep giving a guy money?” “Should I give my boyfriend money?”
You’ll think to yourself, and you’ll eventually say no.
Since that was not the answer he expected, he would become enraged and desperate.
That’s one of the signs a man is using you for money.
So, your partner’s attitude is another way to tell if you’re being taken advantage of financially.
When you tell a man you love that you are financially insecure, he will understand. To get the money, he’ll either find another way or come up with the money on his own.
However, when you don’t have any money to give, a guy who’s solely concerned with your money and doesn’t care about how you feel easily become angry.
For a while, he might be tolerant, and you won’t understand he’s only there for the money. After a while, though, you’d argue, fight, or have some kind of conflict in your relationship.
And that’s because he’s noticed that his enchantment on you is wearing off, and he’s not pleased.
Your gold-digger boyfriend may concoct an emotional story to entice you back into his clutches. Please don’t fall into his trap.
9. They’re Only Friendly When They Want Something From You.
Take note if this person comes on strong whenever they want something, even if they appear distant and uninterested most of the time.
They’ll go from being checked out to being extremely lovely and affectionate and then ask for a favour shortly afterwards.
That isn’t to say that a partner who goes above and beyond is automatically a “user.”
For example, if they bring your favourite takeout food over, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re up to no good. It’s only a problem if there’s a pattern of carelessness followed by extravagant kindness and requests.
10. The Relationship Is Unequal.
In general, a boyfriend who’s useing you will always approach the relationship in a lopsided, inequitable manner… Which can manifest in many ways: financially, emotionally, and physically.
You may always be the one who pays for things, buys gifts, plans dates — and they never seem to go out of their way to meet you halfway.
If your partner appears unwilling or uninterested in returning the favour, chances are he’s using you financially on some level.
11. They Have An Entitlement Mindset
What if you say no to this person?
Users often feel entitled to give nothing or ‘get’ more than they give.”
It’s why they are upset or angry if you say no or can’t do something for them.
They feel entitled to your money.
And the moment you stop doing what you used to do for them, as a form of manipulation, they will almost certainly find a way to make you feel guilty about it.
Frequently Asked Questions
How Do I Know If He’s Using Me For Money?
It’s simple. Your relationship will all come down to money.
When you’re financially secure, your connection will only become deeper, and he’ll disappears once he’s obtained what he needs or realizes you’re bankrupt.
If your boyfriend is using you financially, almost everything you discuss is about money and will be in his interest.
That’s why you need to check for signs you’re being used by a man I mentioned above.
Does My Boyfriend Love Me, Or Is He Using Me For Money? He Asks Me To Pay The Bills And Is Always Busy And Spending Money With His Friends.
No, he is not in love with you. Someone who cares about you will put forth effort and sacrifice.
It is sickening that he spends all of his time with his friend. I believe you also have the right to spend time with him.
He Complains About Not Having Enough Money But Has Plenty To Go Around With Friends?
What does that tell you?
I guess you already know the answer you’re looking for.
I love my boyfriend, but he keeps asking me for money. What should I do? He earns more than me and never mentioned returning the money.
Debbie, too, struggled with this for a long time, but it is NEVER too late to STOP giving him money and stop feeling guilty about it.
He’s well aware of your kind heart and that you’re a nice girl, but he’s using you and taking advantage of your good nature.
He has an entitled mentality and has no shame.
It makes people feel terrible not to be able to assist others.
It’s as simple as saying, “I can’t afford to keep giving you money,” and that’s it. And observe his reactions towards you afterwards.
When A Guy You Have Barely Started Dating Asks You For Money, Is That A Red Flag?
Is this a cause for concern?
Are you kidding me?
You’re looking at a tornado warning, an air raid siren, and a hurricane rolled into one!!
Remove yourself from the situation before it’s too late!
How can I find out if my boyfriend is after my money or he really does love me?
Tell him you’re broke and observe his response.
How he treats you when you say no determines whether or not he loves you for your money.
Is It Right To Give Money To Your Boyfriend?
Sure, why not?
But, it depends on his level of integrity.
If you lend him once and he doesn’t pay back, don’t lend him money again…Ever.
My Boyfriend asks me for money every month. What should I do?
He wants to turn you into his ATM.
By the way, what is he doing with the money?
How about the one you gave him the previous month?
I’m not against supporting your partner.
But if he’s lazy and just using you like his personal bank. Tell him no, that he needs to make his own money.
Never encourage his laziness and lack of ambition.
I’m Dating A Guy Who Really Needs My Help Financially, But I’ve Only Known Him For 4 Months. Should I Help Him?
I advise you not to lend him any money.
You might want to give him a gift, but don’t expect anything in return.
He’s just a boyfriend, and you barely knew him.
You may like him, and you probably want to keep liking him, but when money is involved, it becomes business, and the ‘liking’ fades.
So, be warned.