You met a man who swept you off your feet at the beginning.
He was overly nice, and you thought he was your Mr Right
He kept chasing you and did everything to win your heart.
He treated you like a queen, but his commitment suddenly started declining.
He started ignoring you or yelling at you for no reason.
Anytime you want to communicate your feelings to him, he resorts to emotional or verbal abuse.
Now you’re wondering, “why is my boyfriend mean to me” is he not the same sweet guy at the beginning,
Who couldn’t do anything to hurt me, and now he makes me feel worthless.
If you are in such a situation, this article is for you.
I would share the possible reasons why he’s mean to you and what you can do about it.
If you are ready, let’s dive in.
Why Is My Boyfriend Mean To Me: 7 Reasons Why He Acts That Way
1. He Has Low Self Esteem
Guys with low self-esteem often have anger issues bottled up and can easily take it out on you.
Such guys are often obsessed with control and might try to attack your self-confidence to keep you with them.
Maybe your boyfriend is mean because he wants you to feel you are not good enough, and nobody wants you except him.
You might hear something like, “you know I am the only man that can tolerate you.”
Such statements are manipulative, and the goal is to make you feel worthless and stick with him.
If your boyfriend has low self-esteem, he would often enjoy putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself to boost his ego.
The more you feel bad about yourself, the more you will need him to validate your self-worth.
2. You Let Him Get Away With It
There’s something about human psychology; if you easily let someone get away with abusive behaviour, there’s a high chance they would do it again.
If your boyfriend is mean and you fail to tackle it immediately, that would give him the impression he can get away with it.
Most ladies tolerate abuse in the name of love,
They don’t realize that the more you tolerate abuse, the more the guy becomes comfortable in the act.
After all, he believes you won’t do anything about it.
People treat you the way you allow them.
If he yells at you the first time and you tolerate it, he might hit you the next time.
Since you didn’t react the first time, it would give him the courage to abuse you more.
3. He Has A Rough Childhood
Most people with abusive childhood don’t know how to treat people right.
His behaviour towards you could be the same as he received growing up, whether from parents or close relatives.
If his parents were mean to him, he would think being mean was the way to love someone.
Try and find out about his childhood experience.
If he had a rough childhood and felt alone most time, that could be why he’s mean to you.
4. He’s In Love With Someone
It’s one of the most common reasons your boyfriend could be mean to you.
If he’s in love with someone else, he will find it challenging to give you the needed love and attention.
The truth is you can’t love two women equally.
If he spends more time with the other woman, he will prefer her to you, and if you complain, he will attack your self-esteem.
If he’s always hiding his phone or acting suspicious, that’s a sign he’s cheating which could be why he’s mean to you.
5. He’s Thinking Of How To Quit
Sometimes he’s mean to you because he wants to quit but doesn’t know how to say it.
Instead, he starts acting mean for you to get the message and leave.
Men often do it when they are tired of the relationship and don’t know how to quit.
When you notice anything you do gets him angry, he doesn’t call you for days or weeks,
Or he’s always trying to avoid you, it could mean he’s tired of the relationship and wants to quit.
6. He Has Mental Health Issues
Most men hide their mental health condition from women, especially addiction-related issues.
Many men have addictions that make them controlling and possessive which can make them mean to you.
A man with mental health issues is not himself and can maltreat you without knowing.
If your boyfriend has had any mental issues, that might be why he’s mean to you.
7. He’s Under Pressure
Most men and pressure play differently together.
Men who are under work or financial pressure tend to act weird.
Financial or office challenges could be why he’s acting mean towards you.
Most men feel like failures if they cannot handle their challenges and can easily take it out on someone else.
A man can change quickly from sweet to mean when he’s under pressure if he doesn’t manage his emotions.
8. He’s Battling Anger And Resentment
Men are generally silent when they are hurt and often decide how to revenge in their hearts.
Maybe you said or did something that hurt him, making him resent you.
When a man resents you, he often becomes mean to you and gets angry at you quickly.
If you’ve said something to your boyfriend before that hurt him or cheated on him in the past, it could be why he’s mean to you.
9. He Doesn’t Respect You
If a guy doesn’t respect you, he won’t care how he treats you.
He won’t care about your feelings and how his actions hurt you.
Respect is essential in a relationship; it makes you value each other.
But if your boyfriend doesn’t respect you, he will be mean to you.
If you notice he says hurtful things when angry or tries to demean you before his friends, that proves he doesn’t respect you.
10. He Never Had Good Intentions
Its possible boyfriend has been a player from the beginning, and he intended to use you.
He might have swept you off your feet at the beginning to make you fully commit to the relationship, even though his intention was not genuine.
Maybe your boyfriend came to you because he wanted to use you to fulfil his selfish desires.
And now that he has gotten what he wanted, he’s mean to you.
Why Is My Boyfriend Mean To Me: How To Handle The Situation
11. Let Him Know His Actions Hurt
Many women just keep quiet when their boyfriend is mean to them.
They believe he would soon realize his mistakes and apologize to them, which most times never happen.
Try not to be one of such women.
Tell him directly if he does anything that hurts you.
Do not tolerate abuse because you love him so much.
Tolerating abuse doesn’t make a man stay with a woman. Instead, it makes him take you for granted.
He might even leave you, who takes trash from him and go for another woman who wouldn’t.
Call him out immediately if he says something mean, and if he gets angry or defensive, insist he apologizes.
12. Set Firm Boundaries
Before a guy starts acting mean, he would have tested how much you are willing to tolerate.
He will increase his abuse rate when he observes you don’t hold him accountable for his actions.
For instance, he can say, “I don’t like your dress; it makes you look dumb.”
If you don’t address it immediately, he will take it as an excuse to abuse you more.
That’s why you should set healthy boundaries in the relationship.
You should be able to tell your boyfriend, “I don’t like what you said. Please don’t repeat it.”
He might call you stubborn and rigid initially, but it would leave an impression on him that you won’t condone abuse.
13. Recommend You Both Go For Therapy
Maybe he doesn’t know he’s mean to you or doesn’t know how to treat you right because he grew up in an abusive environment.
If he’s honest and admits he needs help, you can both sign up for therapy and try to resolve the issues.
14. Give Him Space
If he doesn’t admit he needs help, you should give him some space to decide if he still wants the relationship or if you are a priority.
Giving him space would allow you to think and decide to continue the relationship.
Tell him why you are giving him space and how it would benefit the relationship.
Give him some space to think if you are precious to him and decide if he would stop acting mean to you.
15. Walk Away If He Doesn’t Change
If he keeps being mean to you even after you’ve applied the strategies listed above, you should walk away.
If your boyfriend doesn’t treat you right, someone else will treat you like a queen.
Please don’t deny yourself the opportunity to be treated right by staying with a guy who is mean to you.
Frequently Asked Questions
What Do You Do When Your Boyfriend Is Mean To You?
Set limits: please define what is acceptable to you in the relationship.
Do not keep quiet and let your boyfriend abuse you in the name of love.
Call him out immediately if he does something you dislike, and tell him he shouldn’t repeat it.
Ask why he’s mean: sometimes your boyfriend could be mean because he has a grudge against you or you did something, and he’s yet to forgive you.
Getting him to say why he’s mean to you would help you understand what’s going on in his mind.
Walk away if he doesn’t change: if he doesn’t stop maltreating you, it’s time to walk away.
Please don’t lose your sanity for a guy who doesn’t value you.
If you’ve told him about how he treats you and he doesn’t make changes, that’s proof he doesn’t want you anymore.
There’s a guy somewhere who would treat you like a queen.
The more you stay with an abusive guy, the more you reduce your chances of meeting the right guy.
How To Deal With A Disrespectful Boyfriend?
Talk to him about it
Apologize if you did anything wrong to him
Let him know you won’t tolerate his attitude going forward
Give him space to think about the relationship
Be firm with your decision
Sign up for counselling together
Quit if he doesn’t change.
What Does It Mean When Your Boyfriend Is Mean To You?
He’s angry with you because you hurt him
He found out something you didn’t tell him
He’s tired of the relationship
He’s dating someone else
He doesn’t love you anymore
He’s going through personal challenges
Why Is My Boyfriend So Mean To Me But Nice To Everyone Else?
He has low self-esteem
He has a grudge against you
He’s cheating on you
He was a victim of abuse as a child
He has lost interest in the relationship.