I understand how it feels when you’re having issues with your boyfriend, and his family members step in and attempt to settle the issue.
The annoying part is when they call you on the phone and try to settle an issue they shouldn’t know about.
His family would often pick you as the one at fault and try to make you apologize even when you didn’t do anything wrong.
Their actions might get on your nerve, and you’re wondering what to do.
In this article, I will share the possible reasons why your boyfriend acts that way and what you can do about it.
If you are ready, let’s dive in
My Boyfriend Tells His Family Our Problems: Why He Acts That Way
1. Seeking Advice And Support
He might be seeking counsel from his family members due to his trust in them.
Sometimes when an issue occurs in a relationship, you would want to seek advice from a trusted source, which could be family.
You don’t like third-party interference, but your boyfriend might see nothing wrong since it’s family.
2. Need Validation
Your boyfriend might be telling his family your issues because he wants to be sure he’s doing the right thing,
And wants someone to support him and tell him he’s taking the right action.
Sometimes you just want someone else to agree with you and confirm that you’re not crazy for thinking in a certain way.
The relationship problem may have been reoccurring. Your boyfriend might tell his family to confirm what he has been thinking.
He can also tell his family to get a new perspective.
When my ex-girlfriend was acting weird, I told my close family members, and they told me it seemed she was cheating.
I didn’t agree with them because I was so in love, but months later, I found out they were right. She was indeed cheating.
Sometimes your family tells you the raw truth you’ve been avoiding.
3. Family Closeness And Unity
Your boyfriend may have a very strong bond with his family which might make him tell them everything.
He might be very close to his mom, dad or siblings, making it easy for him to tell them about his relationship issues.
Some families confide in each other; your boyfriend might be from such a family.
One of my friends tells his sister everything because they are very close.
4. Lack Of Close Friends
If your boyfriend doesn’t have any close friends, it could be why he tells his family about your relationship challenges.
When you have close friends, you can share some secrets that you would have shared with your family.
But he might resort to his family when he doesn’t have such friends.
5. Emotional Vending
He might tell his family about your relationship problems because he’s looking for whom to vent his frustrations to.
Maybe the issue has been reoccurring, and he has no choice but to tell someone before he breaks down in depression.
6. Lack Of Communication
If your boyfriend keeps telling his family about the issues in the relationship, it means there is a breakdown in communication between you and him.
When there’s a communication breakdown in a relationship, you keep things in mind rather than talk to each other, and resentment sets in.
When resentment gets to a high point, your boyfriend might want to tell his family about it.
A common reason communication is stifled in a relationship is; you’re afraid to tell each other the truth.
He might be scared of expressing his feelings to you because he doesn’t know how you would react; hence he prefers to tell his family.
7. Lack Of Boundaries
Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t know you’re unhappy that he tells his family about your relationship issues.
Boundaries not defined can be violated.
He might feel you’re okay with it if you didn’t define a clear boundary about third-party interference in the relationship.
My Boyfriend Tells His Family Our Problems: How To Handle The Situation
8. Communicate Your Feelings
Let him know you’re not comfortable with him sharing intimate relationship info with his family.
Tell him you want some privacy in the relationship.
He might make you feel guilty by saying you don’t like his family but don’t fall for it.
He ought to know telling his family about his relationship issues can hinder communication between you and cause resentment.
Set clear boundaries and inform him you wouldn’t tolerate further third-party interference.
9. Encourage Open Dialogue
Most times, your boyfriend telling his family about your issues is due to a lack of communication.
He might be scared to talk to you concerning certain issues.
Encourage him to communicate his feelings if he’s worried about something.
Create an atmosphere where he would feel safe to tell you what’s in his mind without judgment.
10. Evaluate The Underlying Issues
It’s important to find out why he tells his family what is happening in the relationship.
What is his reason for informing them anytime the relationship is having challenges?
Is he seeking advice or validation?
Or he wants his family to see you in a bad light?
When you’re discussing this issue with him, ask him why he keeps informing his family,
Please don’t judge him. Just listen to him and work out a solution together.
11. Quit If He Doesn’t Change
A guy who keeps telling his family about your relationship challenges would do the same in marriage.
If you value privacy in your love life, consider whether the relationship is right for you.
Especially when you’ve spoken to him severally, and he doesn’t want to listen.
You shouldn’t be in a relationship where your secrets are unsafe; you could tell him something confidential and one day hear it from his family.
If he doesn’t change now, he won’t change when you get married.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should You Tell Other People About Your Relationship Problems?
It depends. Sometimes you want to get other people’s opinions so it doesn’t look as if you’re going insane.
If you are dating a narcissist, they can easily make you feel you’re at fault when the relationship is not working.
Occasionally telling people about the issues in your relationship is okay because they can open your eyes to things you might have ignored.
Try to keep your relationship problems private, especially when you have not told your partner directly.
How Can I Tell My Boyfriend To Stop Telling His Family Our Business All The Time?
You can tell your boyfriend directly, “babe, I don’t want you telling our issues to your family we can communicate and resolve our issues internally without involving a third party.”
There’s no need to sugarcoat it. He should know you won’t like it if it happens again.
My Boyfriend Admits He Tells His Friends, Coworkers, And Family About Our Relationship Problems Instead Of Talking To Me About It Because He Wants Others’ Opinions. What Do I Do?
Discuss with him and find out his reasons for acting that way.
It could be he feels you won’t listen to him, or you would get angry if he communicates his feelings.
There are many possible reasons why he’s avoiding communication with you.
Try and find out the reason for his action and work on creating an atmosphere to communicate with each other easily.