You might have asked yourself, “Why do I push men away?”
What I’m about to share with you may come as a shock, but many women push men away and don’t even know why.
I’ve also had tons of emails from men asking me, “Why is she pushing me away?”
I’ll give you the answers in just a moment.
But whenever I write about topics like this, I get a lot of heat from women accusing me of taking sides with men and blaming them.
But that isn’t the case at all.
My role as a coach is to guide you so you don’t fall victim to something you could have easily avoided.
Besides, who’s in the best position to tell you what pushes a man away from a woman other than a man – like me?
Not just any man, but someone who gets hundreds of questions from women every week asking me what they could be doing wrong…
And how they could fix their relationships.
And whenever I take a closer look, I almost always see what they’re doing wrong but aren’t aware of.
Take, for instance:
Rachel wrote to me recently saying…
“I pushed him away because I was scared: I can’t believe I’m still single at 30.”
Over the years, She has had multiple men express interest in her, many of whom she was attracted to and really liked…
But she’d always find herself ignoring and pushing them away.
The sad part is that she wants to experience what it feels like to be in a romantic relationship.
She wants to feel loved by a man. She cries all night before falling asleep. But wasn’t even aware why she was doing it.
It turns out she was scared and worried they wouldn’t like her once they knew the real her. So, instead of giving them a chance, she avoided them so she wouldn’t get hurt.
“I pushed him away, and now I regret it,” she told me.
What pushes a man away from a woman:
The thing is, what a woman considers proper dating and relationship behaviour, a man may consider completely inappropriate and a deal-breaker.
So, the following are some of the most common ways in which women sabotage their own relationships.
What Pushes A Man Away From A Woman: 7 Killer Reasons
1. Being Too Needy
Whenever I talk to women about neediness, they usually refer to it as a set of behaviours
such as calling/ texting too frequently, being too available, becoming jealous, demanding all of his time and attention, etc.
However, neediness is more than just behaviour. It’s a mindset, and specific behaviours manifest from that mindset.
For example:
Frequently needing reassurance whether or not he still loves you, being scared he’ll leave you for someone else,
freaking out when he doesn’t text or call back right away, becoming jealous when you see him with other women, obsessing over him and more…
Neediness is usually the result of an internal void that we believe someone else can fill.
We may begin to believe that someone else can provide us with an emotional experience that we cannot provide for ourselves.
Like a sense of being okay, deserving of love, and feeling good about ourselves.
The problem is that we can’t get those things from anyone else; they have to come from who we are on the inside.
Even though we are constantly captivated and more connected than ever before, social media’s boundlessness makes most people feel more alone than ever and lack genuine connections.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make a genuine connection; the issue is heaping unrealistic expectations on that person.
You expect them to bring you happiness, complete you, and then you become terrified of losing them, because it becomes a terrifying prospect when you put that spin on it!
That’s why it’s dangerous to have a relationship as your only source of happiness.
And once you do that, you inevitably cling to it desperately, even when desperation is the death of relationships.
Desperation suffocates the life out of love and connection because when you need your partner to respond to you in a certain way, you become “needy.”
And trust me, neediness isn’t sexy.
2. Entitlement Mentality
Many women want men to do everything for them without appreciating them for their effort.
This kind of entitlement mindset is a big turn off for men. It pushes a man away from a woman.
Men love to date women with high standards, but they also want to be appreciated for their efforts. No man wants a woman who expects him to do everything in certain ways.
Men want to feel appreciated for their effort – no matter how little.
I’m sure you already know how much men want to be appreciated if you read my article regularly. It is the necessary fuel for a man to stay in a relationship.
The key to a man’s heart is appreciation. Every man in a relationship craves it to commit truly.
In a man’s opinion, the most unattractive woman is one who acts entitled and ungrateful.
Appreciation is so critical that a man will avoid or end a relationship with a woman who doesn’t show him enough.
Of course, women, too, love being appreciated, but the need isn’t always the same.
Most women want to be adored and cared for, not just appreciated.
They don’t need a man to compliment them on everything they do; all they want is to know that he values them, cares about them, and is fully invested in the relationship.
Men usually leave because they don’t feel appreciated, and it’s also a big reason they cheat.
When you appreciate and see a man for who he is, he opens up and wants to bond and commit.
However, it must be sincere.
You can’t buy your way into someone’s heart or show him appreciation to get the relationship you want. The me-centered mindset does this.
Stepping outside of yourself and appreciating him for the person he is,
Rather than the way he makes you feel or what he does for you, is him-focused, and this is how a genuine connection develops.
3. You’re Too Self-Obsessed.
Relationships tend to fall apart when your emphasis shifts away from your partner and toward yourself.
You effectively turn your boyfriend into an object who is a means to an end when you focus on your wants, worries, fears, and needs while paying little to no attention to his feelings and needs.
Many women fail to sustain a guy’s attention beyond a few dates
Because they get obsessed with accomplishing some form of relationship objective such as becoming the queen of his heart in a short time.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t make you connect with him; instead, you’re manipulating him to make yourself feel good and worthy of love, which isn’t the way to a lasting relationship.
Whether you’re just getting to know each other or seriously committed, the me-centered approach causes headaches in every relationship.
You could certainly help him out.
You can prepare his favorite meal, do his most fantasized sexual acts in bed, and tell him how much you’re into him, but none of these things actually gets into a man’s mind.
Why?
Because the reason for this is that it isn’t genuine; instead, you are doing things to entice him to feel and possibly do something for you.
However, this isn’t what makes a man want to fully invest, commit or bond with you. Getting outside of yourself and seeing him for who he truly gets you there.
That’s what drives a man away in a relationship.
4. Trying To Change Him.
Trying to persuade or force a man to change isn’t a recipe for a healthy relationship.
It causes him to resent you and build up negative feelings in him.
It’s quite a thing to desire to assist a man in being the best he can be
it’s another thing entirely to try to mold his entire personality to match your standards or expectations.
People resist change – especially when it’s being forced on them.
No man wants you to tell him what to do or what he’s doing wrong. You aren’t his mom.
A man will feel like he isn’t good enough when you act like this mother.
Granted.
There’s nothing wrong with encouraging a man to aspire higher and helping him develop,
But going too far and nagging and criticizing him at every move isn’t helpful and will push him away.
Besides, you’re with the wrong man if you have to nag and criticize him for not living up to your standards.
Think about it…
Would you want that done to you by someone else?
5. Investing (Or Committing) Too Much Too Soon
You won’t get a relationship by acting like you’re in one. He’ll begin to pull further away.
This is how a typical scenario plays out.
A girl meets a guy, falls in love with him, rejects all other potential suitors, and concentrates solely on him—even though they never agreed to be exclusive.
Later on, she is disappointed when he says, “I appreciate our relationship and don’t want to name it,”
but she persists in the relationship regardless, thinking he’ll change his mind.
Sure, it isn’t easy to keep your options open when you meet a guy who stands out from the crowd, but you can’t act like his girlfriend until you’re his girlfriend.
Why?
Because no man will willingly deepen his degree of commitment unless he wants to.
It’s not that men are against monogamy or unwilling to commit; it’s just that it’s not in their nature to desire to be tied down.
Men will only commit if they’re moved to do so and if it is in their best interests.
And besides, why would he want to change his status if he is enjoying all the benefits of having a girlfriend without the responsibility of being in a relationship?
Plus, behaving like you’re his girlfriend when you are not will make you appear desperate, which is a huge turnoff for men and will drive them to withdraw.
Here’s something you need to understand:
If the guy you’re dating realizes you’re a catch—an amazing woman—and suspects you’ll leave him if he doesn’t commit in the way you want, he’ll move things forward ASAP.
But if he’s undecided about you and suspects you will leave if he does not commit, he will let you go.
However, if you decide to stick around despite his refusal to commit, he may keep you around indefinitely, that’s where the real issue lies.
6. Being A Drama Queen (And Being Overly Negative)
Making a lady happy is one of the most important motivating factors for a man in a relationship. He will not want to be with her if he believes he cannot.
No man would want you to dump your emotional junk on him: it only adds to his stress, and men are notoriously drama-averse.
A nagging, snarky, demanding, a bitter, disgruntled, or furious woman isn’t easy to love.
That’s not to say he won’t love you if you’re like this; love doesn’t flip on and off like a light switch, but it will be more difficult for him to act affectionate toward you if you’re like this.
Being angry with a man for not seeing you or spending enough time with you doesn’t fuel him with enough desire to want to be around you…
Because no one wants to be around someone who is irritated with them or who is doing things because they were manipulated or guilted into.
You must bring a great, positive vibe into your romantic connection to have an amazing relationship. That will be the deciding factor.
7. Pushing Him Into Marriage.
Perhaps, the most common mistake women make that pushes men away is pressuring men into marriage.
You should never make a man feel obligated to propose. Just because you’re ready doesn’t mean he is.
He’ll pop the question when he’s ready. The majority of men are straightforward. They are aware of what they desire and what they do not.
Trying to force him into something he doesn’t want or isn’t ready for will push him the other way.
You can drive your partner away without realizing it if you have any negative relationship behaviours, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Frequently Asked Questions
How Do I Fix Pushing Him Away?
I can’t possibly speak for everyone out there, but it could be that you’re like most women that I coach.
You have a deep (and never-ending) need for love and connection inside your heart.
But then, there’s also a deep hurt when you’ve desired to experience love with another human but haven’t been able to for whatever reason.
In truth, the refusal to acknowledge our feelings makes committed partnerships difficult.
Relationships are something we secretly crave deep within us. However, we do not feel safe investing in them at times.
And to open up, we require reassurance.
You don’t have to reject it, lie about it, or act as if it doesn’t exist.
If you do that, your poor behavior will become more pronounced, and you will hurt your man even more!
It’s okay to be terrified. It’s okay to be critical of ourselves and express and release such feelings.
Every emotion has a home – and you should give it one. Allow that feeling to surface, even if acknowledging it feels so lonely.
Own your feelings. Be aware of them.
This is how to stop pushing him away.
How To Get Him Back After Pushing Him Away
Find Out Why You Pushed Him Away: Before you try to “get him back,” you should think about why you pushed him away in the first place.
So you don’t “get him back” merely to hurt him again.
Read through this article to find out why you pushed him away.
Let Time Heal Your Wounds Before Taking Action: your man isn’t a psychic. So he can’t look into your past or completely comprehend why you pushed him away.
However, if you want to get him back after pushing him away, there are a few things you should take.
Acknowledge your fears and take time to process them.
Initiate Contact And Apologize: please contact him, humbly apologize for pushing him away, and ask for forgiveness.
Tell him you’ve evolved since then and realized your mistakes… that you cherish the relationship, and if he’s interested, you’d like to REDO it.
Don’t Force Him: Allow him to decide whether or not he still wants you.
Don’t become desperate or try so hard to convince him to come back to you.