How to know if a guy is using you
You like him a lot.
But you’re starting to doubt his intentions towards you.
Wondering if he’s just playing you for a fool or using you for sex.
Or his ego boost. Or even for money.
Deep down, you feel something isn’t just right.
But you don’t know the exact warning signs to look out for.
It’s not your fault.
No matter how long you’ve been seeing this guy,
It’s normal for these thoughts to creep in at times in your relationship.
I’ve seen men play women for a fool many times, and it’s got to stop.
If you’re wondering how to know if a guy is using you,
I want to reveal some behaviors and patterns to look out for that will help confirm your suspicion.
And as you read along, if any of the points ring true for you, it’s time to walk away.
Yeah, you’ve got to be willing to walk away.
One of the first questions that come to mind when you’re wondering whether or not a guy is using you is…
Why is he using me?
So, how do you know if he is taking advantage of you?
Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all for this situation.
A guy might be using you and playing you for a fool for several reasons.
I’ll share some common examples of why men use women just in a moment.
But first, let’s take a deep dive into…
How To Know If A Guy Is Using You (9 Shocking Signs)
1. He Flirts With You But Doesn’t Ask You Out
You know this guy and he’s such a flirt.
You like him.
He knows how to set your body on fire and turn your head.
He sends you flirtatious text messages in the morning, afternoon, and night.
You talk for several hours on the phone daily.
This guy is always excited to talk to you and chat with you.
But he’s never asked you out nor had time to see you.
You’re not going on actual dates.
He doesn’t go any further than texting or calling.
And that’s a big signs he isn’t seriously interested.
You might think he is, but he isn’t.
I mean, if he’s really serious about dating you,
He’d want to ask you out on a date or set aside time to see you no matter how busy he is.
And not just chat or call you every day all the time.
Every one of us invests our time, energy, and resources in the things we love.
And if he isn’t prioritizing you and doesn’t want to see you,
It might be signs he using you for attention.
The truth is, there’s something probably holding him back.
Whatever it is, please don’t allow him to waste your time.
Move on – fast.
2. He Doesn’t Talk About The Future With You.
It’s a natural thing in a relationship to talk about the future with your partner or the person you’re seeing once in a while.
It could be as simple as planning a future date, discussing where you see yourself in the next seven years,
Or even taking a holiday together.
It’s a normal discussion that slips in every now and then when we’re excited about the person we’re in a relationship with.
But it would be best if you didn’t keep bugging a guy with the question:
“Where is this relationship going?” but it could be as direct as that sometimes.
However, if your boyfriend is avoiding these conversations, and you’re wondering,
“is he just using me until he finds someone else?” The answer is probably yes.
It’s one of the signs he doesn’t want to commit.
And if he says something along the lines of:
“I’m not sure.” This is another big red flag.
He’s sure but doesn’t want to tell you the hard truth.
Whatever it is, just know that it’s a subtle signs he is using you because he has no plans for you.
Men talk about the future with the woman they’re excited about.
And that brings me to this next important sign.
3. He Doesn’t Want To Make The Relationship “Exclusive.”
Maybe someone he knows sees you both together and makes a remark like,
“Wow, your girlfriend looks pretty,” or asks, “is she your girlfriend?”
And he says something along the lines of…
“No, we are just friends” or “Oh, she’s just my friend,” then know he is just using you.
Take that as a big hint.
Think about it for a second…
Why would a guy who loves you so much (as he claims) avoid calling you his girlfriend in public or being exclusive with you?
Whether you’re patiently waiting for him to commit or you’ve had the conversation,
It’s a good sign he isn’t ready to make the necessary commitment for a long-term relationship.
The most obvious signs are that he will start coming up with excuses like…
I’m not ready to commit yet.
I want to move things slowly.
I want to focus on my career or work at the moment, etc.
If you want to know what to do when a guy is using you, here’s an idea.
Don’t give him an ultimatum or ask, “Where’s this relationship going” or “Who am I to you?”
That’s too passive.
If he still hasn’t said, “I want us to be exclusive,”
“I genuinely enjoy spending time with you,
But even though I really like you, I don’t want to continue investing if we are just having a good time.”
Observe how you have framed this as a statement rather than a question.
Where is this going? is not a question you ask him.
Because doing so is passive and gives you no control over it.
You may want a serious future,
But he’s not a candidate for that until he has taken the initiative to get closer and commit himself to being with you exclusively.
4. He Relies On You Financially.
He says he likes you.
And since you find him very attractive, you like him, too.
But not long after, he says he has some financial issues to sort out and asks if you could help.
“Sure, that won’t be a problem,” you affirm. After all, you like him.
And that’s what lovers do, right? “How much do you need?” you asked.
You figure a little “investment” will pay off big for both of you.
Besides, what’s a little money when he’s the man of your dreams?
So, you’re willing to fork out some extra cash here and there to assist and cover him.
But, along the line, that extra cash turns into much more dollars.
You soon find out he’s always relying on you for almost everything.
You pay for dinner and drinks whenever you go on dates.
He has such high standards (vodka preferences on a beer budget) and a walk-in closet stuffed to the gills with unsolved financial issues.
But he doesn’t care since he also has a extraordinary ability to get into women’s handbags (wallets) and their beds.
And in some cases, he stays over at your place and relies on you for rent and groceries, too.
Before you know it, he moves in with you.
He’s depending on you to keep him in the manner he wants to get used to.
This guy doesn’t have a job. And isn’t actively job hunting or building a side hustle or something.
He takes advantage of your natural affinity for nurturing and caretaking.
And “he seeks a financially secure woman so he may live off of her.”
He’s just there living off of you and keeps telling you he loves you.
And to make matters worse, he’s good in bed.
Honestly, that isn’t a boyfriend. There are men who use women for money.
And if you’re wondering;
How to tell if a guy is playing you or really likes you,
This is one of the signs he’s using you financially.
He’s only in it for what he’s benefiting from you. And nothing could be more devastating.
5. He Doesn’t Protect You.
A man is programmed to protect the woman he loves.
And he doesn’t mind going out of his way – no matter how dangerous or inconvenient.
The protective instinct is very natural for a man.
There are ways a man can protect the woman he cares about.
He always tries to rescue you when you’re in a dangerous situation or place.
He steps up to defend you whenever someone is talking bad about you
He lends a helping hand whenever you need help.
Now, let’s flip the script…
If the guy you’re dating isn’t protecting you,
Then he doesn’t love you and is not interested in committing to you – long term.
It’s a sign he’s using you.
Now, if your boyfriend isn’t protecting you the way he should, all hope isn’t lost yet. There’s something you can actually do.
There’s a way you can trigger his hero instinct.
Let me explain what that means…
Every single man is biologically hardwired to protect the women they want or are with. They can do anything to step up for her.
Put differently; men have the inbuilt urges to be your everyday hero.
You’re probably thinking, “In today’s world, women don’t need any heroes to protect them.”
Well, that might sound politically correct.
But here’s the irony…
Men do need to feel they are heroes to the women they love.
Because it’s something that’s programmed into their DNA.
Men instinctively seek relationships with women that make them feel like heroes.
It isn’t complicated at all.
There are simple things you can begin today to trigger the hero instinct in the man you care about.
Such as appreciating him often and believing in him when nobody else does.
6. He Doesn’t Talk About His Personal Life.
Not every guy is talkative by nature.
But if your boyfriend avoids talking about his personal life at all costs,
Then he probably doesn’t want you to get deep with him.
But how can you not get deep with someone you’re interested in building an intimate connection with?
Someone you’re in (or considering being in) a relationship with.
It may be because he doesn’t want you to know him. That’s a sign he’s just using you.
You may like him. But how does he react when you ask questions about his personal life?
Does he give excuses?
Or wave it off as if it’s nothing serious.
Let’s say you ask him a question about his family.
Pay careful attention to his answers.
Is he open to you?
Does he offer a one-word answer to something that requires details?
Or, says you’ll get to know when the time is right.
Or, tries to move unto the next subject, or even tries to avoid it altogether.
If he does any or all of these, it’s a sign he’s trying to string you along. It’s a sign he’s using you. And he isn’t serious about you.
7. He Doesn’t Care About You.
What is love without caring?
When a guy likes you and truly wants to be with you, he will be curious about you.
And want to get to know you – on a personal level.
He always wants to make you feel special, heard, loved, and cared for.
Pay attention to how much interest he shows in your personal life.
Does he ask about your day?
Would he drop everything he’s doing to see you – if need be?
Would he show up at your doorstep to offer his shoulder to lean on when you’re having a terrible day?
Does he go above and beyond for you – to demonstrate he’s there for you – no matter what?
If he doesn’t ask about you but only contacts you when he always needs a favour from you, he’s using you.
A lack of interest is a big warning sign he isn’t serious about you and isn’t emotionally invested in you or the relationship.
Besides, dating a selfish guy is like shooting yourself in the foot.
No relationship can survive without selflessness.
Whenever you notice these signs, it’s time to take a step back from the relationship so you can see for yourself.
8. You Have Never Met His Friends.
A guy can never hide you when he’s madly in love with you.
If a man is seriously into you, he’s going to brag about you and show you off to everyone- including his friends.
It may take a while to meet his family, but not his friends.
So, if he isn’t showing you off to his friends, something might be wrong.
What you want to do is…
Ask him about his friends and see what his answers will be.
However, if excuses continue to roll in whenever you ask,
And he keeps putting it off, something is up on his sleeve.
There’s a reason he doesn’t want to introduce you to anyone and whatever his reasons are, it’s not a good one.
9. He Avoids Seeing You If Sex Isn’t Possible.
This is probably one of the most obvious signs a guy is using you.
If he doesn’t see you unless sex is involved, then you don’t have to think hard to figure out what he wants.
Here’s how you can easily test this out.
Don’t go to his house. And don’t allow him come to yours either –especially if you stay alone.
Always invite him to an open place where other people are.
Ask him out to an event with you.
Invite him to see a movie with you at the cinema.
Go out on dates.
Meet at open places.
Do it for some time and observe his reactions.
If he’s keen on coming to events with you and the idea of meeting at open places doesn’t bother him, fine.
Otherwise, you’ve got your answers straight up.
Common Reasons Why Men Use Women
1. He’s Only In The Relationship For Sex.
If you’re asking yourself, “Does he like me?
It’s sad to say, but he probably doesn’t.
The reality is that most guys aren’t interested in a long-term,
Committed relationship but will keep stringing you along only for the sex.
2. He’s Only Interested In Your Money.
How do you know if a guy is stringing you along?
This is one of the reasons.
Are you always supporting him financially while he does little or nothing to reciprocate?
If you find yourself paying for him more than he does for you, he might just be taking you for a ride and only in it for the cash.
3. To Boost His Ego
Most men want to brag about how pretty you are and show you off to their friends.
The truth is, they aren’t interested in you enough to want to commit.
He only cares about his own ego boost.
4. To Make Other Girls Jealous
It’s funny why most people go into relationships.
He might just be because he’s using you to get another girl or his ex-girlfriend jealous.
This is one of the signs he’s using you to make his ex jealous.
5. He’s Using You As A Rebound
How do you know if he’s using you as a rebound?
When he cares more about what is happening with his ex than he does about what he’s building with you.
It’s a sign he’s using you to get over his ex or signs he’s using you emotionally.
He may seem upset about his previous breakup and not want to commit to you.
There are signs he’s using you for attention.
And also signs he’s using you as a placeholder or even signs he’s using you for a visa.
But these are just a few reasons a guy might be using you. There are more.
However, you want to understand the signs a guy is using you,
Pick them up early and get out of the relationship ASAP.
You deserve more.
Now, you’ve read through some signs he’s using you.
Hopefully, that will give you the nudge you need in the right direction.
But if you want to know how to change your relationship for the better, you’ve got to apply these signs you just read.
Knowing isn’t enough. It would be best if you implemented it.
Ever been in this position before?
Please share your experiences and other signs he’s using you to help inspire other women.