9 Reasons Why My First Long Distance Relationship Failed

You guess that as a relationship coach, I shouldn’t have any failed relationship, right? Wrong!!!

I have been in more failed relationships than others.

The goal of becoming a relationship coach is not to be the “guru” or “Mr. know it all” that’s quite far from the motive.

The actual aim is to share my relationship experiences so you won’t make the same mistakes.

They say experience is the best teacher, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be your experience; you can learn something from others’ experience.

In this article, I would share why my first long distance relationship failed and the critical lessons you can learn from it.

How It All Started…

One evening at our annual youth camp, I was discussing with one of the ladies from my local church when she came to me asking about one of my female friends( I was quite a ladies man)

Her eyes were sparkling and full of life, I had seen her before, but we didn’t have any connection.

Just before the camp was over, I collected her number, and our friendship began, some months later, I asked her out, and she said YES.

Although she lived in another city, our relationship was filled with love, understanding, and sacrifice.

She made a lot of sacrifices that I believe many girls won’t even try to.

Everything was great until…

She started dating someone else.

But why…I would answer that later.

We live in a world where the person who was hurt in a relationship passes all the blame on their partner; they make it look as if they did nothing wrong and their partner is to blame for everything.

But if you sit down and think about it, you would be surprised that you also contributed to the relationship’s failure.

Although everyone (including me) blamed her for the failure of our long distance relationship, I realize that I did certain things wrong some years later.

In this article, I would share the things I didn’t do right in my first long distance relationship. I believe you would get some tips you can apply to help your long distance relationship succeed.

If you are ready, let’s go.

Why My First Long Distance Relationship Failed: My Mistakes

1. I Didn’t Visit Often

not visiting often was one of the reasons why my first long distance relationship failed.

Can you believe that I visited her only once in our three years of a long distance relationship?

She was always the one visiting. I can’t count how many times she visited for the period the relationship lasted.

Even you reading this would be like, “wow only once in three years, that was really bad” I know, but then I didn’t realize the dangers of not visiting often, possibly because of the reason I would share in the next point.

Key Take-Away

Try to visit your long distance relationship partner as often as possible, do not make it one-sided, where one person is always visiting.

It might make your partner think they are making too much sacrifice and that, my friend is not a good sign.

2. I Was Broke

I jokingly used to tell my friend nelson that “if you are broke you would soon have your heart broken.”

The truth is to maintain and spice up a long distance relationship requires money (the cost of traveling, outings, getting surprise gifts, birthday gifts, etc.) could be relatively high.

Things could quickly go sour when you can’t meet any financial need of your partner.

Whenever she was around, I couldn’t take her out to have a great time; all I could do was take her to visit friends, which was quite dull.

It was hard to visit her for the same reason.

I know many people reading this would begin to raise eyebrows and say, “so I must be rich before I start a long distance relationship.”

You don’t have to be as rich as Jeff Bezos before you can start a long distance relationship, but you need some financial standing to take care of things like;

Costing of traveling, taking your partner out for dinner and movies, getting your partner gifts on their birthday, and some funds to assist during emergencies.

It would be tough for a long distance relationship to work if both partners are broke.

Key Take-Away

Ensure you have some financial standing to handle a long distance relationship.

3. I Was Complacent

Have you had that feeling when you believe that your long distance relationship partner wouldn’t fall for any temptation? That was the feeling I was having.

That belief made me complacent, and I didn’t sacrifice much to keep things going because I thought she could handle any temptation.

I believed she was too disciplined to fall for any guy, was I right? Of course, I was wrong.

Nobody is above temptation in a long distance relationship.

Key Take-Away

Don’t be complacent with your long distance relationship because you believe your partner can handle anything and wouldn’t fall for any temptation.

Go on a surprise visit, send gifts, communicate consistently, spice up the relationship, and don’t give room for your partner to be tempted…

4. I Was Not There For Her

Most people’s idea of “I am here for you” is calling and texting; although that is great, it’s often not enough during troubled times.

I remember when she was very sick and called me if I could come over, but I couldn’t make it.

She wanted me to be around her, but your broke friend didn’t have the finances to travel.

Although I kept calling and texting just to make sure she was okay, it was apparent she needed more.

Eventually, she got well, but from that period, her attitude was no longer the same.

Key Take-Away

Although it’s essential to call and text consistently in a long distance relationship, there’s a need to go beyond that and be present when your partner needs you.

5. Nobody Knew Me

You know that moment when everybody starts to ask, “are you dating a ghost” that was the scenario.

None of her family members or friends knew me, although her sister and I used to talk on the phone.

We didn’t get to meet until our relationship started having issues.

On several occasions, she would tell me her aunt and sister wanted to see me, but I didn’t visit them.

Key Take-Away

If you are serious about your long distance relationship and want to make it work, then there’s no harm in visiting your partner’s family members.

It would help if you got to know them, which would, in turn, strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

6. We Didn’t Have Sex

Yeah, I know; what the f***

For the three years we dated we didn’t have sex.

I believe people in a relationship shouldn’t have sex until they are married (I still hold to that belief till today).

But here’s my mistake; I believed in it, she only agreed to it.

It’s crucial that you are in a long distance relationship with someone who shares the same belief as you.

If your partner doesn’t share the same belief with you, it’s only a matter of time before they get you to compromise or they start dating someone else.

Key Take-Away

Ensure that you and your partner share the same belief concerning anything that can seriously affect the long distance relationship.

Consistency of belief system would help to reduce frustrations or disappointment.

Her Mistakes

7. She Kept Things In Mind

One of the fastest ways to resent your partner for their mistakes is never telling them about it.

Often they might not even be aware they are making mistakes or their actions are hurting you.

In your long distance relationship, communicate everything with your partner (their mistakes and your frustrations.)

Whatever you refuse to tell your partner about their attitude, it’s only a matter of time before you begin to resent them for it.

My partner didn’t tell me any of these mistakes I mentioned above, I had to figure them out myself, but she kept my mistakes in mind; in fact, it was the main reason she started dating someone else.

Key Take-Away

If you are always keeping issues in mind against your partner, know you are looking for an excuse to resent them and possibly exit the relationship.

8. She Broke Rule #2

What’s rule 2?

It’s one of the long distance relationship rules that says, “thou shall not have a close friend of the opposite sex.”

What started as a harmless friendship between her and one other guy soon grew into a relationship.

I believe she didn’t plan for things to go that way, but her consistent association with the guy made feelings develop; after all, the guy lived nearby.

Key Take-Away

If you are committed to your long distance relationship, watch out for friends of the Opposite Sex.

I am not saying you shouldn’t have friends of the opposite sex, but be careful of the “close” ones.

Having a close friend of the opposite sex can bring temptations that are hard to resist.

9. Her Friends Got To Her

You know when some of your friends start saying, “you have only one guy,” or they might even say, “you are putting all your eggs in one basket.”

That was the kind of advice she was getting from her friends.

At first, she was always telling me what her friends were saying (and we would laugh about it) that dating only one guy was a bad idea.

Although she didn’t give in initially, with continued pressure, she gave in and started dating the other guy.

Key Take-Away

Don’t allow friends to decide your long distance relationship; if anything goes wrong in acting on their advice, you would hardly find them around to help you out.

Follow your heart, and don’t let anyone push you around.


I was not comfortable sharing this story; I just wanted to help someone who is in a long distance relationship, believing that this article’s tips would help make their relationship better.

If you have friends who would benefit from this piece of writing, kindly share, it would mean a lot to me.

Joseph Moore is a dynamic relationship coach and motivational speaker, Who has been speaking on relationship and leadership for some years with a commitment to ensure people get it right. Joseph is CEO at viral digital marketing, a digital marketing agency dedicated to startups and small business.

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