People often say, “Dating an introverted man is exhausting!”
Some women are hesitant because they feel introverted men are very shy and laidback. And they are uncertain if they can make such a relationship work.
They want to be with them, but the problem is how to proceed with making it a reality.
Some are even scared about whether they’ll be compatible.
There’s no need for panic because you can make it work.
Introverts are humans who crave love and want to be loved. And all you need to do is to understand them.
So, this article is for you if you’re falling head-over-heels for an introverted man and don’t know what to do.
What’s it like dating an Introvert?
Jasmine and William met online.
She expressed interest because he stated on his profile that he’s introverted. And besides, she’s fairly an introvert but not as much as he is.
They’ve been dating for three months. And about two months in, she’s starting to feel he’s pulling away.
There has been deterioration in their communication over text. And she’s the only one initiating dates.
She asked him how he was feeling about what was going on between them, and his response contradicted her expectations.
He explicitly told her they should keep doing stuff together.
Of course, he says he’s taking things slow and values his solitude.
And as someone who is developing very genuine feelings for him, Jasmine felt very reassured by this conversation.
She has never dated an introvert before. So, she really appreciates the slow pace because it’s resulting into a deeper bond between them.
They don’t spend as much time together as she had with other guys.
And it’s something she isn’t used to. But she keeps thinking that the relationship will be much more valuable if she gives him the space he wants.
However, now that they’re three months in, she wants to have a sense of how he sees her in his life…without putting pressure on him.
He says he likes and cares about her, and will love to keep seeing each other. But his actions aren’t indicative of these.
He asks her to leave his place promptly, at a given time that he’s set the alarm for. And she’s starting to feel bad about those seemingly restricted visits.
He isn’t really making any effort to keep her around, and their dates are more like an obligation to him.
She’s trying her hardest to empathize with his need for solitude.
Still, she’s becoming increasingly apprehensive about how much of her energy and affection she gives him for fear of breaking her heart.
Are introverts hard to date?
The truth is, finding ‘Mr. Right’ isn’t exclusively an introvert problem, but dating an introvert comes with certain headache due to their traits.
However, it is no more difficult than dating anyone else.
Studies have shown that introverts make great spouse because of their value to the relationship.
However, you need some introvert dating advice to ensure you have a smooth sail in the dating process.
How do I deal with an introverted boyfriend?
Here Are 9 Tips For Dating An Introverted Man
1. If You Don’t Want To Date An Introvert, Then Don’t
And here’s why…
Let’s face it:
Not every case will be like Jasmine’s –where you get to figure out the guy’s personality type before dating.
When we meet someone we really like, I mean, someone we’re attracted to, there’s this rush of excitement.
We feel butterflies in our stomachs and the intoxicating feeling of love.
This happens for weeks. In some cases, months -depending on the individual
Because of this, we don’t see them for who they are. All we see is how we feel about them –especially at the beginning.
So, it might not even be apparent that we’re unknowingly dating an introvert.
And besides, during the early stages of dating, people try their hardest to put their best foot forward. They want to present their ideal selves.
Some people go as far as hiding traits they know potential dating partners might disapprove of.
But unfortunately, they can’t carry on like this for so long.
Eventually, we begin to see them for who they are. They drop the ruse, and their real personalities show up.
Now, once you realize who your guy actually is, that’s who he is. Period!
Introverted men often withdraw. They hardly express themselves.
And barely initiate conversation. They love solitude.
Sure, some of their qualities can be adjusted, and compromises can be made here and there. But in the long run, they are never going to change fundamentally.
So, you have to know what you are up against…if it’s something you can cope with.
That said, if you don’t want to date an introverted man, then don’t – because success with dating him will require that you make some compromises to the degree required.
If you can’t, save yourself the stress – especially if you’re the type who always craves attention.
2. Don’t Act Like They Have A Deficiency
Accepting people for who they are is the first step to making them fall in love with you.
Hence, if you’ve decided to date an introvert, you must accept them for who they are –and not what you want them to be –for you.
Trying to change them because you feel they’re deficient in some way will instantly kill their attraction for you.
Just because they have some immutable personality traits doesn’t mean you should treat them less than others.
You’ve got to make peace with that.
3. Plan low-key dates But Don’t Force Them Into Things
By low-key dates, I mean just you and your boyfriend.
Introvert loves single dates. They believe that more than two is a crowd.
Of course, some introverts enjoy group dates, but they enjoy single dates better…because that’s when they can truly express themselves and feel free with you.
They also use this opportunity to know you better and vice versa.
On the other hand, group dates may be less fun and even cause them some anxiety. It tends to overwhelm them and forces them to be quiet all through.
So, going on low-key-dates is how to deal with an introvert boyfriend.
4. They Aren’t Clingy But May Demand More Of Attention
People with introverted personalities have a habit of being self-sufficient in so many ways.
…especially when it comes to emotional management
If you’re the type of person that loves clinginess in a relationship, then an introvert isn’t the person for you.
Because you may wonder why they don’t open up to you when they have problem of any sort.
An introvert isn’t clingy.
They prefer asking questions to answering questions.
So, if you’re dating one, you might need to be more inquisitive at first and show him you’re invested.
They love being alone and would also want their partner to enjoy their time alone.
If you’re dating an introverted man, you need to know that he’d always pull away from time to time and would always need time to be alone…so that he can recharge and rejuvenate himself.
…especially after an energy graining scenario
If you’re also not the clingy type in a relationship, then this is a plus for you because you’ll not have issues of too much clinginess with your partner.
Note: this isn’t to say there aren’t clingy introverts. Some introverts are clingy.
5. Make The First Move To Solidify The Relationship.
My boyfriend is an introvert and I am an extrovert.
What I’m about to say may contradict what you already know. But I’m going to say it anyway.
I want you to toss out your preconceived notion about gender dynamics.
There are a lot of cultures that teach men must make the grand overtures towards asking a girl out or solidifying relationships.
But what if you’re interested in or/and dating an introverted man?
See, if you go by what your culture teaches, you may find yourself waiting forever.
And the bad part is that even if an introvert is really into you or dying to talk to you, they may never make the first move.
And that’s because they’re very reserved. It can even be difficult to take them out on a first date.
The reason is that they hardly flow in a conversation and are not open in conversations. This can pose a lot of difficulties.
So, just because they aren’t initiating the first move doesn’t mean they aren’t dying to talk to you.
All you have to do is take charge of your feelings and make the first move. Be a conversation starter and be patient with them.
If you’re afraid of rejection, chances are, you’ll only have to do it once before they start reciprocating your level of interest, investments, and commitment.
6. Know That Introverts Are Selectively Social
The idea that introverts aren’t social is a myth.
They function differently than extroverts. For example, an extrovert’s capacity for being social takes less energy than an introvert.
Extroverts recharge by social engagement. On the other hand, introverts get drained by social engagement.
In the others, introverts are selective about what they are willing to expend their energy on and with whom.
7. They Are Attracted To Intelligence.
If you want to date an introvert, you’ve got to be thought-provoking.
Introverts don’t like small talk. It bores them to death.
You don’t have to impress them with your knowledge or how vast you are either. They don’t like showoffs and braggarts.
They’re more interested in what makes you unique.
In fact, they can spot superficial efforts to impress them from miles away. However, they love it when you can stir up their state of mind…
Think deeply and come up with ideas that’ll provoke curiosity and arrest their interest.
Do this only after you’ve carefully observed your man. Take time to figure out what he loves and try as much as possible to create a unique experience.
You don’t even have to do something out of this world. Anything simple and unique is all you need.
To them, the thought and effort you put into it is more important.
It’s advisable to let your introverted boyfriend know you’re sincerely interested in him.
Show genuine interest in him.
8. Introverts Are Loyal
It takes enormous energy and self-dialogues to start and break a relationship. So, they tend to be very selective of who they invest their time and energy into.
But once they do, you can have them for life. So, they’re extremely loyal and also appreciate loyal in their partner in return.
Introverts see the loss of a relationship, or it is in turmoil as more of a threat than extroverts.
You might want to avoid drama and unnecessary conflicts at all costs.
9. Quality Time Is Often Their Primary Love Language.
Have you read the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman?
He stated and explained that every one of us has a unique and primary way of receiving and expressing love to others.
People feel most loved when you show them love according to their love languages (how they receive love.)
And if you haven’t read the book, below are the five love languages
Receiving gifts, Act of service, Words of affirmation, Quality time, Physical Touch
How does quality time work for introverts?
Well, since they’re high on emotional and mental connection, they often want to spend time alone with you and gist and share their thoughts about their day or something that happened…
No distraction whatsoever. Not ever with your phone or TV.
Understand, it isn’t about the length of time you spend together; it’s the quality of the time.
That’s why it’s called quality time.
And most times, you don’t even have to say much. You have to sit there and just listen and pay attention.
Make them feel heard.
Frequently Asked Questions
How To Date An Introvert Guy?
First off, you need patience.
Introverts aren’t expressive with words like extroverts.
It can be hard for them to get their thoughts and feelings out. They tend to struggle with word retrieval.
Sure, they know what to say, but the words just don’t make it past their lips at times because they’re more internal. At least, not as eloquent as they sounded in their minds
They aren’t asking you to be a mind reader. They know it’s their job to make their preferences and needs to be known.
What they are asking is that you do your best to understand them.
Cut them some slack.
What Attracts An Introvert Man?
Most people think introverts are weird.
So, if you want to attract an introverted guy, first make him comfortable being with you. Once he’s comfortable, he can begin to open up.
They love to feel like they can relax and be themselves.
And once you show an introverted guy you’re genuinely interested in him for who he is, He’ll unravel his thoughts and feelings more openly to you than he’s accustomed to.
It may even surprise and delight him! You’ll hear him say he just feels at ease around you.
How Do I Win An Introverted Man’s Heart?
If you follow the dating advice I mentioned above, you’ve got a higher chance of winning his heart than anyone else because you understand him.
How Do You Tell If An Introvert Is Falling For You
One sure-fire sign is that they want to always spend time with you. Quality time is their primary love language. So they want to always be around those who make them feel loved.
Are Introverts Loyal?
Introverts are incredibly loyal.
Hope you enjoyed this piece?
As mentioned previously, dating an introverted man can be fun. All you have to do is try to understand them.
What’s your take on dating an introverted man?
Dated one before? Please share your experience below.