signs he's a player

11 Painful Signs He’s A Player

You’re talking to a guy.

He has a way of capturing your attention with just the right combination of cuteness and charisma.

He ticks all the boxes. But something about him feels off.

Something tells you he’s a player. You’re asking yourself:

Is he a player, or is he serious?

Is he playing me?

How do you tell if he’s a player or likes you?

And guess what? You’re right.

Almost all women, at some point, worry that the man they are dating is a player.

That he isn’t serious.

In this article, I’ll give you 11 warning signs you can accurately use to tell whether he’s a player or not.

Let’s face it:

Players aren’t always obvious at first glance. In fact, most of them look harmless

They are experts at deception.

Little wonder they’re so good at winning and breaking hearts.

So, you want to be extremely careful.

If you ready, let’s dive in.

11 Warning Signs He’s A Player You Must Know On Time

1. You’re Doing All The Work

Signs a player has feelings for you

It’s always a bad sign if you’re doing all the work

You’re the one who’s always reaching out to him.

You’re always initiating text. Always initiating plans and all.

Now, where this gets confusing is that he responds to you.

And it’s perfectly nice when he responds to you.

In fact, he might be super nice when he does.

And that just leaves you completely confused.

You’re like, “whoa, he probably likes me because he’s been friendly. He’s been super complementary…”

But he might be acting that way because…

He does like you a little bit. More than that,

It could just be because it’s a nice boost to his ego

He likes hearing from you and wants to encourage you to keep reaching out to him because it makes him feel good.

It struck his ego. It’s just about him, not so much about you.

Other times, you may notice he reaches out to you. But then, he goes on silent again.

If that’s the case, he probably likes you… but only a little bit.

Now, if you’ve read some of my other articles, you’ll understand this is something I talk about – a lot.

See, a guy can’t just like you only a little bit.

There won’t be any consistency when he’s sitting on the fence about you.

He’ll be in and out.

And you might see this behavior, and it feels confusing.

You feel he’s playing mind games or games men play.

Sure, some men play games.

If you want to know where he stands and how to handle a man who plays games, the best thing you can do is…

Pull back.

Stop being the first to always reach out to him and see what he does.

Truth is:

“There no better indicator of how a man feels about a woman than the way he behaves when he thinks he may have lost her.”

2. He Bails On You – Often

Yeah, things come up.

And life happens.

But how often is it happening with this guy?

Do you feel like you’re constantly being bumped for something else?

For something more important?

If he cancels plans on you a lot, it just shows that he isn’t concerned about your feelings – and doesn’t care if he loses you.

Because when a guy likes you, he doesn’t want to lose you.

He doesn’t want to leave that open space for another guy to swoop in.

He is going to avoid that at all costs.

And if he has to cancel on you for some reason, it will be an amazing reason.

On the other hand,

If a guy is just messing around and not serious about you,

There’s a high likelihood that he’s just going to bail on you when some other better plans come along.

And if he’s screwing around, he may be talking to other girls.

So, maybe he was just waiting to see if the other girl he likes could hang out with him.

Maybe he wasn’t sure whether or not to make plans with you.

But then the other girl says she’s free and so…

My point is:

If he’s canceling on you a lot and not prioritizing you, it’s a strong sign that he’s just messing around, or he’s a player.

3. He’s In And Out Of The Relationship

If he’s always going hot and cold,

Like he’s super into you one day or week, and the next day, he vanishes without a trace,

It’s because he’s just messing around and not serious about you.

He can afford to treat you casually because he knows the relationship or “situationship” is just casual to him.

Nothing serious

Many women think that a guy being hot and cold is mixed messages.

And a lot of the time, mixed messages are like playing games.

It’s the same. They’re interchangeable. But, if you look at it, there is a clear message.

And the message is…

“He doesn’t like you enough.”

Because if he did, he wouldn’t be doing this hot and cold behavior not at the beginning of a relationship

Here’s why:

A guy is on his best behavior at the beginning of a relationship.

He brings his ‘A’ game and puts his best foot forward.

He’s trying to win you over.

He doesn’t leave a crack of open space for him to lose you especially to some other guy.

So, he’s all in. and doing everything to win.

It’s tough when a guy plays hot and cold because when he’s hot, it feels so good, friendly, warm, and inviting…

And you want more of that.

But when he goes cold on you, it feels so brutal.

He casts that shadow on you and gives you the cold shoulder.

But you just keep pining for the warm.

And whenever he delivers that, you feel that high again.

That euphoria and excitement of being wanted and desired

But then, he takes it away…

And on and on he goes.

You can’t enjoy the relationship because you always wait for the other shoe to drop.

But deep down, you know he’s not acting like a guy who’s serious about you.

He’s acting like a player. Like a guy who’s messing around.

Who has time for that?

You want more than that. You deserve more than that, too.

4. You Have No Idea Where He Stands With You

He’s basically in a perpetual state of “emotional mute” when he’s with you.

I mean, he isn’t overly enthusiastic about you or the relationship.

The guy doesn’t let his guard down and shows his deeper feelings. He isn’t deep at all.

When you’re with him, he’s pleasant, fun, friendly, and flirty, but that’s it.

He doesn’t go beyond that.

You have no idea how he feels about you.

And he won’t talk about it. He won’t talk about the relationship.

He won’t show you, but he’s still there. All you have to hang on to is his presence.

So, that’s exactly what feels so confusing to you because you have no idea about his plans or his intentions.

And getting answers out of him is like pulling teeth. And you just have no idea.

5. He Makes You Feel You’re Lucky To Have Him

Warning signs of a player


Every one of us wants to feel like we’re lucky to be with the person we’re with.

But when a guy is playing games with you or looking for an ego boost, he’s going to make you feel like…

He’s doing you this great favor by being with you.

He might make it seem like you’re lucky he’s choosing you.

The worse part is…

When you begin to express your needs, he might say something along the lines of…

“I spend more time with you than I spend with anyone else.

Doesn’t that mean something to you?”

But then, he only makes you feel great that he’s giving you the time of day.

This isn’t something he might say outright. But it’s a feeling that hangs in the air.

He might even talk about how he has many options and gets hit on by girls all the time.

Kind of a way to put you in your place so you don’t demand more of him because you,

Know that he could leave since he has all these other girls dying for a chance to be with him.

He may even “neg” you. This is one of my favorite terms.

So, what is negging?

Negging is basically an insult that is cloth in a compliment. It’s a backhanded compliment.

Some examples of negging…

“Whoa, you look really prettier with makeup on.”

Or “You aren’t as hot as my last girlfriend but it’s okay”

Again, negging serves to make it feel like you’re his inferior.

And it kind of keeps you in line.

It keeps you from demanding too much of him and asking too much out of him because he makes you feel like…

“Oh, you’re less than. You should just be thankful that I give you attention at all.”

And that takes me to the next point…

6. He Always Has You In His Back Pocket

A back pocket relationship is the kind of relationship where a guy hides you from everyone in his life.

He doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family. He doesn’t include you in anything that’s going on in his life.

He doesn’t bring you as a date to his friend’s wedding.

He doesn’t bring you to his work holiday party.

You’re completely separate from everything else in his life.

Now, this is fine if you’re in the very early relationship stage. It’s normal.

You shouldn’t be concerned about meeting all his people because it’s too much pressure.

But, if you’ve been together for a few months, you see each other consistently.

You’re always together, and you seem like a couple.

And have decided to be exclusive, and he still keeps you completely separate from the rest of his life; that’s a big red flag.

It’s a major sign that he’s playing games.

It either means that he’s hiding something from you or wants to hide you from everyone else.

Either way, it’s a huge red flag.

7. He’s Never There For You

Now, when he wants his needs met or needs you for something, yeah, he’s the best.

He’s great. He’s all in.

But when you need him, he’s nowhere to be found.

He isn’t prioritizing you because he isn’t serious about you.

It’s very easy to be happy, wonderful, and loving when everything is going well in a relationship.

But look at how he acts when you need something from him.

When you need him to be there for you. When you’re having a hard time

This is when you get to know where his feeling stands.

You don’t want to deal with that. Trust me.

8. His Actions And Words Don’t Align

is he a player signs

It’s very easy for a guy to say to you…

“Oh, babe, I love you so much” “I’ve been thinking about you.” “I care about you.” “I miss you.”

But, how does he behave?

Is he disappearing for days or weeks?

Suppose he’s never texting you back. He’s never initiating contact.

He’s canceling all the time, or he’s never making plans with you in advance.

Then, that’s not the behavior of a man who likes a woman.

That’s the behavior of a man who is unsure about a woman.

He’s kind of in and out because he doesn’t know how he feels,

But he doesn’t want to lose you. Maybe he doesn’t have any other option at the moment.

I want you to look at the whole picture.

Now, as a woman, you get very hung up on words.

A guy’s words are important to you. His words are meaningful to you.

And a lot of guys know this.

It’s very easy to say things. But you can’t just take his words at face value.

You have to look at his actions. Look at his behaviors.

What a man says is probably the worst indication of how he feels unless his actions align with what he’s saying.

9. He’s Mr. Nice Guy

Players are charming by nature.

They must be. Otherwise, they probably won’t get very far in their “game” of love.

Think about it…

Without even a hint of charisma, a guy who tries to woo a girl will eventually get dumped.

Please understand:

There’s nothing wrong with a guy having charisma.

In fact, each and every one of us requires some of it to survive in the society we live in.

However, if you’re concerned that a guy is playing games, it’s necessary you exercise caution around a guy who exudes an excessive amount of it.

10. He Likes To Command Attention

One of the common traits of players is that they’re attention seekers.

They enjoy being the star of the performance.

This might not be something that bothers you. After all, he isn’t seeking attention from other women.

However, if you are considering “is he playing with me?”

Understand that it is equally risky for him to seek attention in whatever way he can.

For example:

You might observe that he tries to control the conversation in a group setting.

And when people talk about him, he doesn’t seem uneasy.

You can tell he likes it. And on the other hand, you kind of think it’s cute.

However, it might surprise you that the primary reasons why some guys seek attention is because of low self-esteem.

They feel good and appreciated when they are making an effort to attract attention.

But when you look at it, this behavior coupled with charisma provides a prescription for a player.

He gets an ego boost from making ladies fall madly in love with him.

11. He Is Somewhat Mysterious

Let’s face it…

Men who are distant or mysterious can be seductive because they have a shady personality.

They’re hard to read or slightly unavailable, making them attractive.

 When you’re in a relationship with a guy who appears to have a dark personality,

There’s this perspective of exclusivity you have…you feel special because he decides to be with you

This guy doesn’t reveal much about himself. And you find yourself asking, “Why is he this way?”

He’s like a Rubix Cube you keep trying to figure out.

Because when a Rubix Cube is out of order, people want to play with it until they work it out.

And that kind of makes you addicted to him.

He doesn’t say much when you ask him about something going on in his life or his past.

He gives just enough information that even makes you desperate for more answers.

He just enjoys playing with your emotions. And you find yourself wanting more of him every time.

The reason why this works so well is that humans want what they can’t have.

And the more something is mysterious to us, the more we’re curious about it.

We want to figure it out.

Everyone enjoys a good mystery, and the player has much to offer.

Final Thoughts

By now, you should have a better deal whether or not he’s a player.

So, let me know if you find this post helpful.

And be sure to share your experience with us.

Remember, you aren’t just sharing your story; you’re inspiring other women to change theirs, too.

Nelson Whetat is a dating coach who is fascinated by human psychology and passionate about helping single women understand men, increase their desirability and attractiveness so they can get their dream man. He’s also a marketer and direct response copywriter who enjoys crafting attention grabbing and emotional compelling content and stories to sell digital products

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *