You’ve probably heard this before,
“Love is blind.”
It is one of the most frequently used metaphors when discussing dating, love, and relationship.
You may have used the phrase “love is blind” yourself at some point and perhaps have come to believe it to be true.
By the way, why do people often say love is blind?
Have you ever stopped and wonder what they mean?
It’s often tough to spot early relationship problems when you’re in the throes of new love.
Damn, it feels so good to be in love. (You can relate to this if you’ve been in love before… I know you have.)
So, don’t give me that funny face.
You can be so intoxicated by the feeling of love and might even see a red flag or two, but not care one bit because of how you feel about this person.
It’s difficult to advise someone who’s in love says a relationship and family expert, Kay Benson Akhigbe. They hardly listen.
No wonder lots of people end up in toxic relationships.
Let’s face the truth. Is love not blind?
If you don’t believe me, let me ask you this question. And I need a candid answer.
Tell me (in the comment session) the last time you fell in love with a person with a list of practical reasons?
Ask a girl and a guy (or a couple) who’re in love about this, and they will tell you that they fell in love because of how the other person made them feels.
Or they just “liked” the way the other person was, so much that even their glaring imperfections and flaws seemed attractive.
A research study conducted in 2004 at University College, London, found out that the feelings of love suppress the activity of those areas of the brain associated with critical thought. This means, people in love do not see reason; instead, it’s the emotional connection that drives them.
Do you see what I mean? That is precisely what most people do when they’re in love. They follow their heart (feeling) and ignore the warning signs from their head (thinking).
I get it…
Yes, I do!
It isn’t your fault.
After all, everyone is usually on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship. And the early part of a new relationship can be a rush of fun and excitement. You can be into this person to the point that you get carried away.
But here’s the problem…
Feelings can’t sustain a relationship for too long.
There would always be infatuation in every relationship when sound reasoning takes a back seat, and caution is thrown to the wind.
Within a short time, that feeling of infatuation wears off, and then you begin to notice things you didn’t consider before.
The fact that a relationship is new doesn’t mean you should ignore early relationship problems, since things can worsen with time if ignored and not addressed.
Take my advice; if you notice something is not quite right or feel your instinct is telling you that something is wrong with the relationship, don’t ignore it.
Remember whatever warning signs that appear at the beginning, will get worse with time.
Whatever bad habit of your partner you are trying to cope with right now wouldn’t suddenly disappear; in fact, it would increase with time.
Of course, you can always give your partner a second chance to see if they would get better.
However, if there are situations of incompatibility, character defects, and value misalignment from the start of the relationship, it’s best to end the relationship.
And please, don’t ever think that you can change anyone. Lots of people make this mistake (I did, in my first relationship). I’ll share the story with you very soon in one of my articles.
Here’s one of the life lessons I learned first-hand;
“Whatever you tolerate is difficult to change. Don’t expect people to keep to your standard when you’ve lowered it to accommodate them.”
Did you get that?
You should write that down…
Now that you’ve gotten it, here are some early relationship problems you shouldn’t ignore.
10 Early Relationship Problems Most People Ignore
I recently saw a quote that says, “if someone shows you their true color, don’t try to paint them differently.”
Yet, that’s what many people do when they are in love. They make silly and dumb excuses for other people’s actions that will affect them all their lives.
You’re three months into a relationship and discover that your partner might cheat. Or they’re displaying signs that they are already cheating, what makes you think this won’t be a regular pattern in the relationship?
For God’s sake, ask yourself, “Can I live with this person the rest of my life?”
You can’t afford to be emotional about questions like this. Infidelity is one of the most destructive relationship problems.
Psychologist and radio host, Dr. Joshua Klapow, says, “the cheating itself isn’t even the biggest problem, but the fact it’s rooted in all sorts of trust and respect issues.”
Before you get carried away about how you feel, consider the long term implication of your partner’s behavior.
And mind you, cheating isn’t something many people can magically change unless they show they’re committed to trying.
Keep that in mind!
2. Spending Habit
Do you know that money is one of the top early relationship problems couples encounter?
Still, it remains one of the subjects least discussed between intending couples.
Problems often arise very early in relationships due to the difference in spending habits because money happens to be a crucial aspect of our everyday lives.
I have come across a lot of people who can’t handle abundance. No matter how much they make, they will always squander it. They usually hold on to the amount to money that is consistent with who they think they are.
Some people prefer to live a lavish lifestyle. They use the money they don’t have to buy the things they don’t need to impress others. They live to meet up with the Joneses continually.
If you and your partner can’t agree on how to spend money, what should be kept as savings, or for charity and other causes, that’s a red flag.
Since (money is) such a crucial aspect of our day-to-day life … understanding how both you and your partner relate to it is essential.
If you don’t like how your partner spends money, let them know. Please do not wait until they feel you are okay with it before you speak out.
3. Uncontrolled Anger
Uncontrolled anger has wreaked a lot of havoc in homes.
It’s a sure sign of a toxic relationship.
If your partner has shown you times without number that they can’t control their anger, I’m not sure it’s something you want to wait to experience yourself.
The only good reason you should wait a little longer is when he (or she) is committed to working on it. Otherwise, physical abuse will be the order of the day in your home.
My friend, marriage is a lifetime affair. You can’t afford to be someone’s punching bag for the rest of your life.
I want you to give it some thoughts.
4. Trust Issues
Like you already know, trust is the foundation of every relationship. And once it’s broken, it’s tough to get back.
You must pay close attention to the words and actions of your partner. In situations where their words and actions aren’t consistent, know that’s a red flag.
While it may take a while to create a secure relationship, pay attention to small betrayals of trust in the early stages of the relationship.
Come to think of it, if you can’t trust your partner in seemingly little things, how can you trust them with your life?
I am just wondering!
5. Disrespect and Dishonesty
If someone can disrespect you on the first date, in front of the waiter or publicly, what makes you think they won’t do it again and again?
Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and honor. In situations where you’re consistently treated like trash and rained abuses on, just know it isn’t what you want to stick around for – especially if their behavior is particularly terrible.
So, whatever you know you can’t tolerate in the long run, it’s better to address it initially or move out.
6. Issues From The Past
I know it can be very tempting to want to hide things (especially past mistakes) from your partner because you’re afraid they might get hurt or change how they feel about you. But trust me, letting them know is the best thing you can ever do.
If you’re suffering from any kind of terminal ailment or have had a child or perhaps you have any damaged organ, please tell your partner so they can get to decide if it’s something they can cope with.
It will be difficult at first to have such a critical and hard conversation, but it will be worth it.
What is love in the first place if not to desire what’s best for others?
And if you notice early on that your partner is hiding things from you, please confront them politely and make it safe for them to talk about it.
7. Controlling Personality
Most people are generally at their best behavior at the start of a relationship but tend to become their true selves after some time.
Be careful not to ignore any warning sign that your partner is extremely jealous or possessive or other symptoms of toxic behaviors.
It would help your partner if you point out their bad habits at the early stages of the relationship; this can be achieved through communication. It’s possible that they are not aware of the negative impact their attitude is having on you.
8. No Common Value
Nothing sustains a relationship like common or agreed values. And no two persons can walk together unless they agree.
Value is something or someone you place in high esteem. It’s a culture and a way of life.
What do you think will come of a relationship where one partner values work and the other values family?
There would be a crisis in such a home because their values don’t align with each other.
This should be one of the things you look out for before you agree to date anyone because it can’t be changed easily. Values take almost forever to develop and build. So if you decide to stick around, also be willing to invest forever for them to improve.
So don’t pretend to look the other way when both of you don’t have similar values.
9. Boundary Issues
One of the early relationship problems that arise between partners is unclear boundaries. this is an issue if not taken seriously at the beginning can bring tension with time.
Most of us want to love someone without considering if we have a set solid boundary to help safeguard us against abuse.
When you set a good boundary for yourself, it becomes easy to start and maintain a healthy relationship.
Evaluate your relationship based on the following;
· What exactly do you want out of the relationship?
· What are your expectations?
· What are the things you want to do consistently and don’t want to do?
· Time spent together versus time spent apart etc.
Knowing things like these is very important avoid unnecessary arguments and misunderstanding in years to come.
10. Lack Of Communication
Every problem you’ll ever encounter in a relationship hangs on the hinges of communication.
Honest and sincere communication is what you must desire and work on continuously in your relationship.
No one is ever above this problem. Even couples whose relationship is worth emulating still have days were they misunderstand each other.
Things will probably worsen if communication doesn’t come naturally to both couples. I like to put it this way, “What blood is to the human body is what communication is to a relationship.”
I couldn’t have agreed less.
Many times, a large amount of unnecessary drama enters a relationship because either you or your partner “drops hints” or takes your relationship issues to friends rather than to each other.
This can be easily resolved if you decide to work more on communication and not keep things to heart.
You must have had one or two experiences when it comes to dealing with early relationship problems.
I want to know how you resolved it.
I’d love it when you share your opinion and contributions to this topic so other readers and I can learn from you.